A
male
age
30-35,
*ix_Floors_Left
writes:I have a major problem right now. There's an extremely long story that I would have to tell for you, reader, to understand exactly where I stand and to be able to give me 'perfect' advice. But right now I don't have the time to write it all out. Basically, about two years ago I met my first love, and for me it was truly love at first sight. We dated for a while but it was hard because even though she didn't live all too far away, my father doesn't like to drive me places and he didn't really like the idea of me having a girlfriend at the time anyway. So we saw each other maybe 15 times over the course of 3 months. I ended up trying to run away with her for reasons that still seem perfectly acceptable to me. We failed to even get out of town before my parents found us and my girlfriend's friend's house. So I was grounded and we didn't even so much as get to talk to each other for 4 months. When we finally did talk, we realized that we were both still very much in love and ended up dating again. This time it was even harder because my parents could not find out or we would risk not being able to talk again. We dated for maybe another 2 months before we ended the relationship because I could only see her every other weekend, and sometimes not even then. The problem thttp://www.dearcupid.org/private/questionshat I am having now, the problem that I have turned to the internet about, is that I still can't get over her. The last time I saw her was 5 months ago and she's completely moved on and has a boyfriend who she is very much in love with, one that she sees every day. If you haven't heard the song 'Break Even' by The Script then look it up or something because every word in that song is exactly how I'm feeling right now. She was able to move on easily and I'm still trying to rip myself away from my lingering feelings for her. I have never felt this for anyone else. I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl, no matter how impossible I knew it would be. But at the same time, it would have been a blessing to be able to wake up every morning to see her. But anyway, I'm getting carried away. I can't love anyone else... at least not yet. I've dated 10 people since me and her broke up. All of them were amazing girls but I just couldn't love any of them. Now, I've talked to a lot of people and they just say that I have to keep looking for someone that I can love. But I know me more than anyone else and I know that my first love changed me, for the worst too. I need her... or I need a miracle. Or maybe even a therapist at this point, who knows. One thing's for sure though, I need advice, and any that you can give will be very much appreciated. Thank you!~SFL
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male
reader, Six_Floors_Left +, writes (5 April 2010):
Six_Floors_Left is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks to all three of you. I think after reading your responces and after the talk I had with my first love last night, I'm completely over her and I'm ready to move on. Now I can finally look back on our relationship without regret, just another great memory :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): My advice,
Be alone and single for a long time and try to live your life for yourself instead of lingering memories of your lost lover. Your love for her was real and no one will ever take that away from you. But life isn't about living in the past, it's about living in the present for the future.
I'm sure she was someone special but I'm sure your friends and especially yourself have heard that story more times than they really need to.
Stop wishing for things to be different from what they are. Reliving the pain and memories of your life is a choice you make yourself, you drag unresolved issues from the past into the present only to relive them again. Often enough because you cannot understand or accept what happened, and hope that this endless series of reliving it, will somehow lead to some form of understanding or acceptance in the future. So begin to bring your awareness into NOW and stay there as much as possible. The past is over, the future is not yet. Be present in the Present and deal with what you find thére.
Realistically speaking you have your whole life ahead of you. You are still young and have a lot to experience of you so desire. There are millions of girls out there and it is possible to experience love greater than what you had with you lost love.
Everything I've said to you is from experience. It is up to you to open your own eyes and heart.
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A
female
reader, CandyCurves  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I see you're madly in love with this girl but if you want an honest answer- you need to get on with your life.
I know that's not the best thing you want to hear but you've attempted many times to make this work but things are not going how you want it to, and you cant force it to.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
So for now you need to focus on other things in your life that are important.I know where you're coming from.I am about your age too (14) and like you 2 years ago, I experienced my first love too and yes I'm finding it hard to get over him still. But instead of dwelling on the past, I am getting on with my life.
Have you ever heard of the quote " Dont cry because its over , smile because it happened".
:)
Well that's the best thing you can do in this situation and hopefully one day you'll meet again.(Which I think you will)
But for now, you need to live today like tomorrow is'nt coming.
I hope this was helpful, best of luck!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (1 April 2010):
 You don't need to look for love and maybe that is what you are doing wrong. When you least expect love is going to find you. First Love is the best,love at first sight even better but there will be others you will probably have your heart broken a couple of times and you will break a couple of hearts yourself. Its also part of growing up as you grow older you might look back at this stage of your life and smile, even though you are hurting right now you will get over it. I wish you luck.
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