A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:recently i fell pregnant now im only 14 so initially i was freaking out about it. i had told my boyfriend and he was going to support me on wanting to keep the baby. i told my best friend everything and she was happy for us although i never told my mum. everything was going great and i had just accepted the fact that i was going to have a baby and that i need to wise up and start thinking about the future and plan ahead. and i had. i was around 8 weeks when i miscarried and i know that the reason why i miscarried was because this asshole of a girl in my class hit me across the stomach not long before i lost my baby. my best friend, boyfriend and myself were all completely devastated at the loss but i know that it was a good thing in some ways.my friend and i are in a little debate to what to do.. should i tell the girl that hit my stomach and have her live with that for the rest of her life or just keep it to ourselves and hope my feelings of hatred just slide away?? what would anybody else do???
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 I'm so sorry that you are in this situation, it must be a very sad and confusing time for you.
The misscarriage was not the girls fault, unless it happened immediately after. Did you know that misscarriage occurs in 1 in 10 women before 12 weeks? And can go up to 4 in 10 girls under the age of 18 becuase their bodies arn't ready to bear childeren. For most people, this goes unnoticed, it simply goes down to a heavy period. There is a reason people dont tell friends and family until the 12th week; it is still very uncertain.
Telling this girl that she caused the end of your pregnancy would be spiteful and selfish.
You need to let it go, greive then move on. If you are concerned about your health then go see your doctor and get checked out. Stop having sex, you are a child trying to do a very adult thing.
A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I wouldn't tell her. I think perhaps if you are upset by what has happened you subconsciously think that informing her of what has happened will ease your sadness but then you will be disappointed when you will find it doesn't.
I highly doubt her punch caused the miscarriage. It's just nature's way of telling you something's not quite right :)
The others are right though go to the doctor to make sure you're okay and perhaps if counselling if you feel particularly upset by it to help you talk things through.
best wishes xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): well I have some things you might not want to hear and some things you need to hear,
1.) you shouldn't have been pregnant at only 14.
2.) that girl shouldn't have hit you if it was for no reason
3.) if it isn't her fault that you miscarried (probably isn't as everyone else is saying) and you tell her it was she could have two reactions... tell everyone your pregnant or at least you were and rumors will start that you a whore and you wouldn't want that or she could feel like shit.
4.) You need to see a doctor and also tell your mother what happened. at this rate your going down a bad path.
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A
female
reader, MamaBear  +, writes (15 March 2011):
At 14 you are not old enough to understand the ramifications of having a child out of wedlock, giving birth, no husband in the picture, and then trying to support a child till she/he is 18 or older. If the girl who hit you didn't know of the pregnancy, why burden her. Just tell her that you didn't appreciate her hitting you, that will get it off your chest! Now, maybe she did you a favor. You have so much life ahead of you, graduating from high school, planning for college and a career, marriage to a man who will be a lifetime partner. You do not mention the boyfriend much. If you didn't tell your mum, has he told his parents he was to be a dad? Please followup with your doctor about this tho to ensure you are okay internally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice you've been real helpful :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): If this is a rare accuracy of her hitting someone, don't tell her BUT if she hits people all the time, tell her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I don't think for a moment that the hit to the stomach caused your miscarriage, that is, unless she used a 4x4. And even then the miscarriage would have happened immediately. Have you seen your doctor for a follow up yet? You are risking your health if you don't and while you are there ask him about the miscarriage and what happened at school. I'm sure he'll tell you it wasn't the blow to the stomach.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I think you are understanding what most of us have been saying. I am so proud of you!
I think all you needed was a chance to tell someone what you think she did to you and be heard, and now that you have had a change to vent all that pain and anger you're finding that you are more ready to let it go, and you can start to heal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit wasnt really a violent attack as she hit me only once and it just so happened to be in that particular but im still a little confused as to what to do. yes sure she should know what she did but do i really want to have somebody have to live with that for the rest of their lives??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Every action has a reaction. You should tell her, she need to know what becomes of a violent attack. This will be her wakeup call for life. You need to speck for that unborn child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Even though she isn't aware of the grief she might have caused you (but maybe it isn't her fault either), if you're angry at her for your miscarriage, then that's what your feelings are and you need to accept that. Giving her an excuse won't make a difference because it will only end up in closing off your bad feelings about her, not getting rid of them. I recommend you make the decision to forgive her, and although you still might be feeling angry at her right now, once you've made that decision you'll be able to get over your hatred with time.I don't recommend you tell her, especially if it's your idea of taking revenge. Chances are, she might not even feel guilty about what she did (considering you're too young to take care of a baby, and that you can't prove she's really the cause of you miscarriage). And do you really want her to know that you were pregnant? I don't know what your relationship is, but if she hit you in the stomach, I guess she could also go low enough to start nasty rumors about you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (15 March 2011):
 What you do is totally up to you and im very sorry for your loss.If you was me i wouldnt tell her, she didnt not know your were pregnant so could never have known what she was doing. Telling her wouldnt make you feel better in the long run and you would just be passing on your pain to someone that does not deserve it.Just a note, due to your young age there are many medical reasons why you may have miscarried. And i hope you can see you are too young for a child and dont make the same mistakes again.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (15 March 2011):
Honey, I was in a bad car accident when I was 5 mths pregnant and the baby was fine because he was protected by my body and all the fluid around him. So while I can't say for sure 100%, I highly doubt that girl hit you hard enough to make you lose your baby at just 8 weeks along.
A miscarriage is often just natures way of telling you that something was wrong, that the baby wasn't developing normally.
So while it is natural for you to be angry about it and look for someone to blame, I think you need to let your anger go. It wasn't anyones fault. It just happened.
If you still have doubts ask a doctor, I am sure they will tell you the same thing I did.
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A
male
reader, Dataluke +, writes (15 March 2011):
 She did a terrible thing, you know that, but she doesn't.This girl didn't know you were pregnant and so couldn't have known that she was running the risk of causing a miscarriage.While you may hate her for this, she shouldn't be burdened with the guilt of something she knew nothing about, thats not fair.I am so so sorry for your loss, i know what that feels like.All the best, Dataluke
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