A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was broken up with!!! The girl I was involved with is 25 and is trying to finish her degree. She called me almost a month after we broke up and started to tell me of her financial problems; and was thinking of working at a strip club to pay for her classes. I offered to pay for classes because I love her. (she knows this) Afterwards, she tried to make moves on me but I avoided because I knew it would mean more to me than to her. The day after I felt like I was being used. She tells me all the time "I don't know what I want" and "you will find someone else" but I don't know if I should just give up or what. I don't want to but this is getting to be a bit much. Am I a fool?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 ( She tells me all the time "I don't know what I want" and "you will find someone else" but I don't know if I should just give up or what.)
Dude... don't be a fool... don't pay for her classes because you're clinging to the hope that she'll get back with you.
Don't let her sob story about THINKING of working in a strip club compel you to "save her" and pay for her classes. You're getting taken for a ride if you think that this gesture, (whilst noble, don't get me wrong) is going to get you this girl.
Please, please, please!! Don't be a doormat for this woman.
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Do you think youre being a fool? Youre the only one who can tell arent you?
It does sound like youre wasting your time with somebody who will never give you what you want or need.
In life, its so easy to go chasing a dream and allowing that dream to blind you to other avenues that are open to you.
Why not try to distance yourself from this girl a little, give yourself some headspace and work out what you need?
Youve already tried and failed to have a lasting relationship with her, perhaps its now time to try to meet somebody who is into you - I`m sorry to say this but this current girl just doesnt seem to be does she?
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (23 January 2011):
You know clearly that she may be playing you, so how in the world can you be a fool? You definitely are a sensitive and helpful, kind person. You're also wise. But you aren't a rough or stone hearted person.
You should not bother about the money, now that you've given it to her. It was for her education, so it is ok. But now onward, she is strictly not going to receive anymore help from you - get that straight in your head and let her know straight in future, if she asks you for more help.
In my country, we have a term - "Apatra danam" - which means giving charity to an unworthy person. From my experience in life, I have seen that such kind of charity does a lot of harm to the charitable person. I've been through hell because for a long time, people took advantage of my naivety and caused me a lot of trouble. I am slowly learning to be careful and exercise saying "no" because I find it very tough to so no to anyone. It is a necessary strength that one must develop. I've seen that it becomes much easier to say no when you have specific aims/goals in life and are totally committed to those goals. Anything not contributing towards those goals then become obstructions to you, and you will not feel bad to say "no" to people who want to take advantage of you.
I strongly suggest that you work on setting such goals and set goals that you truly desire and love working on. You surely will emerge strong, confident, content and happy.
Best Regards,
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