A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on the internet a couple of months ago and we got on really well. We started emailing and texting then eventually calling each other every night for hours at a time. I liked the way he thought about things and we seemed to have a lot in common. We met last month and all was fantastic. We live quite far apart so we can only see each other once a week at most but we stay over at each others houses and spend a couple of days together each time. We've had no problems at all and even talked about moving in together in a few months time. But, he's just visited me and somethings changed. I can't put my finger on it but I'm starting to have doubts about us. There are little bits of his personality that are only just being revelead to me and I'm not sure if I like them. I was honest and said that I'm having a few anxieties and he's understandably very hurt and disappointed in me. We're apart for a while now so I have time on my own to think but, at the moment I'm feeling sick with worry and anxiety that I went in too fast and led him on (not on purpose though). What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): He is hurt and disappointed in you! Tough, you are only human, and we do change our minds. If things don't seem right then don't go ahead with the living together bit. I have jumped in too fast in the past with disastrous consequences. Take as much time out as you need to think this one through and don't do what you are not sure about.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, Altindie  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 I know what it's like to have an internet boyfriend first hand, and I understand the kind of doubts you're having about your relationship. The best thing to do in this situation would be to talk to him about it, it's not going to be an easy thing to bring up in conversation but you know you'll have to do it sooner or later. He should understand that you're having doubts and if he doesn't - or tells you to get over it - then he's not worth your time. Internet dating is a relatively new phenomena in terms of socialising and meeting people so you should take your time and don't force yourself to come to any strong conclusions yet. Remember, nobody is perfect - but you should NEVER sacrifice your happiness and especially your security in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 You are doing absolutely the right thing. If he genuinely cares about you he'll understand you needing to think things over. Our gut feelings are nearly always right, so go with them. It depends a bit on what parts of his personality you're not sure about, but if you have any feelings that he might harm you, emotionally or physically, then stay away. If minor personality traits are bothering you, then perhaps carry on seeing him for a while just as you have been doing, but don't commit to anything until you know him better. You shouldn't feel guilty at all about 'leading him on' and he shouldn't be making you feel guilty. In any relationship there's a getting to know each other phase and this is what you're going through at the moment. You have every right to change your mind or to take a while to make a decision like this. If he's a decent person he'll accept it. Please don't rush into anything and if you hear alarm bells then listen to them! Good luck.
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