A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really, really like this guy I met very recently at college. Though I don't know him very well, from what I've seen of him he has an amazing personality, is extremely caring (spends most of his free time volunteering and helping others) and that's why I fancy him so much. We get along pretty well but because he's so nice he gets along with guys and girls alike. He's a complete sweetheart. I hardly know any other guys around my age who are so nice.It's completely the wrong time for me, though. My parents recently split up and are in a huge fight over who gets what from the divorce, I have exams coming up this month which I need to prepare for, and I've been pretty depressed and stressed since last autumn due to close friends turning on me for really petty reasons. He's going on a year abroad starting in August, and I won't even be there to see him off because I'm volunteering in Tanzania for two months from the start of July. I graduate next year so we'll never be living in the same place again.Realistically, I only have about 2 months to get to know him better/tell him I like him, but I don't know him very well (we don't have many mutual friends or see each other more than a couple of times a week for a bit) and I think if I told him I liked him he'd be shocked. Without sounding arrogant, I've been told I'm really attractive, but he has such a stable family and I don't and am a lot more cynical, ambitious and worldly than him, so I'm not sure if I'm even his "type". I'm worried he might reject me and it'd get in the way of our friendship so he wouldn't stay in touch after he leaves. I've been so stressed recently I'm not even sure if I truly want a relationship anyway. I like him so much, though, it's just completely the wrong time for me and for him! What should I do? How should I get over him?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 I don't see what difference does it make if you are his type or not. Or any type, as for that. You may be a fantastic superdesirable type, or an abominable type, anyway in July you are leaving, he's leaving too, you are busy, stressed out, many things on your mind, you don't even know him yet,... and you don't even know what you 'd want to get to know him for, since your paths are going to diverge so soon.
It seems to me, that, best case scenario, you'd have to sweat it like crazy, and make a lot of mental and practical adjustments, .. for a two months fling. And that, if he DOES like you.
It is what it is, and timing is off. But please do not take it as a cruel destiny that sends your way circumstances preventing you from being with the love of your life. Don't feel as if you are missing out on your only chance for happiness and romance. The truth of the facts is, that you don't know this guy at all, that he acts nice, and why should he not - as a superficial acquaintance; that there ARE big dissimilarities in your backgrounds and personalities, and that your plans do not coincide. So, in short, he is probably no better and no worse of any other guy you may meet in the next future, he may be a cool guy, but not necessarily Prince Charming- who-got-away. Unless you make him so in your mind.
How to get over him ? As usual. Time, patience, keeping yourself very busy and pouring your passion and energies into something other than romance. I think your trip to Tanzania fits perfectly with all this, you'll be busy, tired, excited and distracted by new things, if you don't feed the crush by voluntarily moping about " the past " it will fade on its own.
A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (3 May 2013):
You make him sound like a really exceptional person and it's easy to see why you would even consider pursuing a relationship despite the difficulties you mentioned. That being said, you are putting the cart ahead of the horse a bit because it sounds like you've already fallen for him.
Despite having a soft spot for romanticism, I would go with logic on this one. You are both going to be abroad extended periods and it is very hard to know where any of that will lead.
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