A
male
age
41-50,
*pacedragon32
writes:Hi, I am in a relationship with a woman whom I believe is a sociopath; I have been with her for over 7 years now.Here is the background of the situation, I met her when I returned from another state where another relationship had failed and began working in nightclubs as a bouncer. She was a patron and when she learned I was seeing some other girl she then started seeing one of the other bouncers I worked with.We both broke up with our partners at about the same time and she and I had already established a friendship and so continued seeing each other as friends; however it did not take long to progress further. Now I had full custody of my son and she wanted to meet him. I saw no problem with this and so arranged to introduce them he was only 3 at the time and was diagnosed with autism some time later. Things progressed and we moved in together in her house. This was when the trouble started, not long after I moved in I came home from work and found her to be out, I called her to see what she was up to and she told me she was at her much older male friends house around the corner for a swim. I was immediately alarmed as she had only just told me not long ago she needed a swimming outfit, and she was known to swim naked at his house before. I asked who was there and she mentioned several other men, I asked what she was swimming in and she said her underwear (her underwear leaves nothing to the imagination).I was immediately angered and asked her to come home to talk about it she said no and I called her a slut! Big mistake but I was very angry at the time, I told her I was leaving now. She came home very quickly and the argument got worse and I called her a slut again and she slapped me.Later in the relationship she said she slapped me to test if I would hit her (I didn't) now she continued behaving badly and didn't want to listen to anything I had to say, if I got angry she threatened to kick me out of the house and even called police to have me removed a couple times, stupidly I kept coming back for more.She kept telling me I should run home to my mommy and that I was a deadbeat dad, the only reason I still had custody of my son was because of her etc... Now I worked the entirety of our relationship so I don’t know where she gets deadbeat dad from. Anyway to cut a long story short she was very abusive and degrading towards me, put me on a sex diet, blackmailed me with my son, made friends with my ex and used her as another weapon of blackmail, and when I tried to leave her threatened and then faked suicide, threatened to accuse me of rape if I wouldn't come back after stupidly succumbing to spending a night with her, and when I didn't come back carried out her threat (luckily I had given my phone to police after she kept making the threats by voice mail so I was easily cleared), and then stupidly I felt a lack for her sometime after she had finally stopped harassing me and I let her suck me back in. Now the relationship is at a point where I can’t stand it anymore and I need to leave, however there are several problems with this. 1 my son had developed a strong bond with her and is turning 102 he is autistic and dramatic changes in life affect him poorly3 I would have to take him out of his school where he has made great friends and that is hard for a boy with autism to do4 I feel guilty as she is almost entirely financially dependent on me, but then this was how she engineered it as that is one of the things she does to me, she uses me financially5 As bad a person as she is I will feel very guilty and sorry for her as she will have a very tough time without me.I have shortened this as much as I can there is a lot more bad things I have not mentioned.I don’t know what to do I want to leave her but I am afraid for her and my son and I don’t want the progress my son has made with his autism to go backwards.What the hell do I do?!!!
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 Hi, Its simple, start the process of getting your son a new school and also help him start being friends from the new school. I am sure parents with similar kids would be willing to help if you approached the school principal.
Also work towards towards your sone spending les time with this woman.
The day you leave go to teh police station and show them the messages or the voice mails and advise them that she is threatening you will false accusations so maybe when she does do it they lock her up for wasting their time.
I would also go to child welfare (not sure what its called). Lodge a complaint that this woman is threatening you and your kid and is likely to make falso allegations against you as you are moving your son into a safer home.
You need to pave the way before you leave this woman to counter any trouble that she may cause. Better safe than sorry.
With regard to your kid, when you move out you need to give him lots of love and attention and if you can take a couple days off work to help him with the transition that will aid the process.
Remember the longer you stay in this toxic relationship the worst it will be for your son. Start making your plans today and let the cards fall where they may. Just remember its probably best to tell her nothing and coose a day she is not there to pack up and leave. You dont need to contend with any of her drama, Dont worrry about her financial problems they are hers not yours and she will find another guy to help her financially.
A
male
reader, spacedragon32 +, writes (3 May 2013):
spacedragon32 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I would have to take him out of his current school due to logistics, I work full-time on a week on week off 12 hr nightshirt basis from 7pm to 7am, I would be moving back to my mothers purely because on the week I work she would be able to look after him, however the problem with that is she lives 20k from his current school, works as a school bus aid so is not able to take him to school and pick him up and it would be dangerous for me to do so after work due to fatigue.Another fear is that if I manage to somehow get my son to and from his current school, that she will make a scene at the school as it is only around the corner from her house, this would not be good for me nor my sonShe has also threatened to side with my ex and make sure I lose custody, knowing full well he is better off with me as my ex is an unfit mother, she has the attitude that if she can't have me or my son then she will try to cause me as much damage as possible, regardless of the collateral damage she will cause.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (3 May 2013):
First of all, I'm not sure there's a good answer here.
Regarding your boy, I think you may want to talk with his doctor or whomever to find out the best way for him to deal with the breakup and loss of a semi step mother.
When it comes to your girlfriend I have less sympathy. Sometimes the way we act is difficult to control, but she has crossed some lines that just indicate she's an overall bad person. She would think twice about throwing you out on your ass and so you don't need to feel guilty about breaking up with her.
Get your new place squared away and move all of your things there in one day of you can. Don't give her your address! I'd even consider blocking her number and just letting her communicate through email if she needs anything.
I'd call the police (non emergency number) and tell them what she tried last time and that you worry she'll do something similar again and you want to know how you can protect yourself.
Why do you have to take him out of school? Can't he continue even of he's not in the same area?
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