A
female
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anonymous
writes:Dear cupid I am in a very difficult situation right now. He lives in Chicago and I live in England and I'm 18 and he's 27. Ok well basically I've been talking to this guy on the internet and we've agreed to meet up and everything, I've seen his pictures from his myspace profile and everything and he's alright looking, but I just asked him to send me a picture of him just now and he did....and he looks so different from the pictures I've seen on myspace! I mean I know its still him but he looks completely different. And not in a good way either.I don't like him anymore. Call me shallow but appearance is important to me and he just ain't cuttin' it! I've even sent this guy topless pictures of myself!!! OMG why did this have to happen? What am I going to do, because we agreed to be in a relationship together and we've been talking online for like 2 weeks now emailing eachother everyday several times a day and this one picture has turned me off of the whole thing! I really don't like him anymore. He is so not my type and I just don't want to go out with him, what do I do? Bear in mind that we have spoken about being in a serious relationship and things are pretty concrete set now in terms of the relationship thing. I'm going to feel awful if I have to explain to him why I don't want to be with him. HELP HELP HELP PLEASE! I know I was stupid and I know I'm being really shallow but put yourself in my shoes and try and help me. Please!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): i will have u know im happiy engaged and u know what i never went on looks .i went on her personality i went on how she made me laugh how she smiled at me how intrested she was in what i do . so your shallow view on men has something to be looked down on .the way u treated this guy by this one picture shows u in a bad light and u just laugh it off .oh well i hope he finds someone better than u im sure he will
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf I'm not attracted to him I'm not going to go out with him. Plain and simple. Would you go out with a woman you're not attracted to? No. Well then stop judging me and find something else to do. You obviously didn't read the part where I said looks and personality go hand in hand. I see you're a selective reader. My head is well sorted thank you very much. I like attractive men. I'm attracted to good looking guys. Is that a crime? If it is then lock me up and throw away the key because I'm never going to stop liking attractive guys. I get it now, you're not one of them and thats why you reacted so badly to my question. Well in that case you need to sort your head out mate because if you don't you'll end up being bitter and lonely.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): he lives in Chicago and I live in England. I was not going to travel all the way to Chicago for a guy I'm not even attracted to I actually liked him and was preparing to meet up with him, looking at flights and everything.u did lead him on dont u think .u saw one picture it was ok and then the second was not did u catch him on a bad hair day .yes u where stupid i was in a long distance relationship. only shallow and judgemental people go on looks . u need to sort your head out or u might just end up miserable and u will only have your self to blame
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor the male reader "I hope the next guy meets your high standards." Can I just say that I'm not going to date someone I'm not attracted to. I'm not going to pretend to like someone to spare their feelings because in the end it will hurt them more when they find out I was pretending. And also he lives in Chicago and I live in England. I was not going to travel all the way to Chicago for a guy I'm not even attracted to, there are plenty of guys right here in England who I'm not attracted to so I don't need to go all the way to Chicago to find them. I don't see why I should. And I didn't lead him on I actually liked him and was preparing to meet up with him, looking at flights and everything. Its not purely about looks, I am not a shallow person. Looks and personality go hand in hand and if I'm going to date a guy he can't have one without the other. I'd never date a good looking guy with a bad attitude and vice versa.
Thank you to everyone else who responded, you all gave great advise, glad you could help in my time of crisis and stupidity. lol
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): haha! sending him topless pictures, oops! i dont think your wrong to go by looks to a certain extent, you've got to be attracted to someone your dating, otherwise sex with them would suck LOl! seriously though i dont think your wrong to not want to carry the relationship futher if your not physically attraced, anyone that says you are is hypocritical, who on earth wants to date something they feel no attraction for? no one. everybody wants someone they feel attraced to its normal. this probably isnt helpful in ansering your question but i just wanted to say that :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): its still wrong though going purely on how someone looks . its very insecure .no matter the distance it sounds like u led him along .i just hope the next guy u meet is up to your high standerds
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female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Hello Anon,
I'm glad you did the right thing, letting him know how you feel now is a lot better than letting it carry on and leading him on.
You weren't being cruel, but letting him think there was a future when not really knowing the guy, and realising you don't like him is!
I'm glad you learnt your lesson, don't beat yourself up about it, just put it down to experience. I know plenty of people who have done this - trust me, it's for the best!
Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): OK you are not dating him. You do not have a relationship. You have never even met him. Most importantly, you do not have to ever met him. Just stop replying to his emails. Do not tell him that you no longer find him attractive. Really, if his recent photos are different from the others he had posted then he was not being honest with you. Everyone needs to feel attracted to the person they date. Its not shallow its just the way it is, for everyone. This is not something to lose sleep over. The end.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIndia I am not a cruel person he specifically asked me to be honest with him and stated that he'd rather me be honest than lie to him. I tried to avoid the question but he kept asking, I didn't know what else to say. I am not a cruel person, I've already told you that I felt bad about it. I didn't want to hurt him at all. But he just kept asking and and also he shouldn't ask questions if he can't handle the answer.
Yes I have learned my lesson from all of this.Thanks Dr.Pete you've helped me a lot and Willywombat you've managed to help me and make me laugh at the same time. lol I really don't know what I was thinking! India I thank you for your advice but I'd just like to stress that I wouldn't have told him I didn't like the picture if he didn't ask, I don't deliberately set out to hurt people so don't make me out to be 'the evil one.' Thanks anyway I appreciate it. No hard feelings. :) xxx
I've stopped talking to him now. I told him sorry and he said "That is fine, I wish you all the best." I haven't heard from him since. So the drama is over, lets hope I don't find my pictures all over the internet! :(
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 GEEZ, girl.
You told him you didn't like the picture of him and that you were disappointed? Well, that seems wicked harsh. How would you feel if you sent your picture to a guy you thought liked you and he said, "I don't like that picture of you. In fact, it's a disappointment." - OUCH. Girl, that's just mean. And you should know better than that - there's no need to hurt feelings and be cruel about it.
As for the topless pictures, there's not much you can do about those. You sent them tohim and even if you tell him not to post them, they're in his hands. If he's a nice guy, he won't do anything. I doubt he will. But, you've learned your lesson I suppose, about sending topless pictures via the internet?
Two weeks... goodness, gracious!
Sorry to be so harsh...
xxIndia
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Whoops a daisy anon female. Maybe this is something you should have thought about before you sent them!!
Look, there is NOTHING oyu can do about this situation now. You probably have to accept that you did something silly and now you have to move on. Hopefully this guy will have more scruples than to post your pics on some amateur GF website, but you will never know.
Please let this teach you a hard earned lesson, topless pics after two weeks talking on the web....?????!!! What where you thinking????
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): You shouldn't have told him the reason! It depends on what kind of guy he is. Maybe he will do something with your pictures (such as post them on the internet) or maybe he won't. Best thing you can do is just forget about it and have no more communication with him - what-so-ever. Put this down to experience and move on... you will never know what he does with the pictures so it's not worth worrying over.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone I'll stop talking to him but what do I do about the topless pictures I sent him?!!! I knew I shouldn't have done it now but at the time I liked him and I just didn't think things would turn out this way. Stupid I know, you don't have to tell me but what do I do?! Theres nothing I can do is there?
ps I told him I didn't like the picture he sent me and I told him I was dissapointed and I hurt his feelings and I feel really bad. Do you think he'll get revenge on me and use the photos somehow on the internet?!
I'm so worried! HELP
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 February 2007):
C'mon, he is half a world away and you have known him for five mintues. Just tell him you have changed your mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): 2 weeks is not a long time to have been talking to him. Just tell him that you don't want to talk to him anymore (he might wonder why but you don't have to answer him back), delete him off myspace, make a private page and then just ignore any other extra e-mails that he decides to send you. By ignoring him afterwards he'll eventually get the message and leave you alone.
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female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (9 February 2007):
Oh dear, Oh dear - 2 weeks is nothing, my other half and I were talking to eachother for 2 years as mates, when we first met face to face (to go to a gig in Camden) we hit it off, we weren't looking for a relationship at the time either, but here we are still together nearly 3 years later.Just say that you think you're rushing things and want to get to know the guy a bit - He lives in Chicago for crying out loud!Next time, try not to rush things, oh, and keeps your boobs off the net until you meet a real guy! ;o)
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female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (9 February 2007):
Oh dear, Oh dear - 2 weeks is nothing, my other half and I were talking to each other for 2 years as mates, when we first met face to face (to go to a gig in Camden) we hit it off, we weren't looking for a relationship at the time either, but here we are still together nearly 3 years later.Just say that you think you're rushing things and want to get to know the guy a bit - He lives in Chicago for crying out loud!Next time, try not to rush things ;o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): honestly hun, ur in England and hes in Chicago. Yes you'll feel a little mean, but I totally agree with Dr Pete here. Just break off contact. Youve 'known' him for 2 weeks. You really dont have to explain yourself, and you dont have to feel guilty. Just break contact.
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female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (9 February 2007):
 this is going to sound bad but get a new e-mail and cut him out send a long e-mail saying that you have realised how foolish you were and you just dumped your long time boyfriend and you have just got back with him and your so sorry and can you still be friends?hope this helps xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): "We've been talking online for like 2 weeks now" - I had to read that a few times!
2 weeks is nothing. Just send him an email saying "sorry I don't want to talk to you any more, I don't want to have a relationship with you", delete him off myspace, make your page private and ignore his emails. End of story :)
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