A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 3 years, however i feel my husband is not in love with me anymore, He hardly ever pays any attention to me and on the odd occasion he does want to have sex, i feel that that is all it is - that he just wants sex - not that he wants to be intimate with me personally. I know that he has used porn in the past and when i found out he promised not to again, however i know that he has been again recently which has caused a row and we are barely speaking to each other. He is always telling petty lies to me which makes me suspicious of what else he is lying about. I love my husband and i think the world of him however i don't trust him and need to feel that this is a two sided relationship as i can't carry on as we are.What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Is there someone out there just like me? HELP? I have been married to this man for over 30 yrs. I just gave up on him about 4 yrs ago. I love him (I don't even know why) I have no respect for him. I would leave him if I thought I could live a better life. I can't afford it and I don't want another man in my life. In the past I would put my arms around him only to be pushed away. It took years to discover that he does not want me. I have tried everything and I mean everything. I am now at the point that I am only a piece of shit. I have no one to talk to and started drinking daily when I retired three yrs. ago. I have turned to God and the bible (another story) to try to cope. I love people, and to be active but I'm not because my asshole husband is full of himself that he does not like people or to be active. I'm in the way all the time and everything I do is wrong. So I just try to stay out of his sight and drink. I don't even want to go anywhere anymore or do anything any more. I'm just a piece of shit. Just looking for someone who is just like me.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 I am sorry to say pornography is a very powerful and devistating thing to have to deal with.
Don't count him short. He may well have intended to stop looking at it but it can have such a firm hold on someone that they would rather take the chance that it will ruin their marriage than to give it up.
It is not so much a choice as it is an addiction and can be just as difficult to give up as smoking or drinking.
It can only be done by concious effort and help from you or others to keep him away from it.
Perhaps it will take putting the computer where it is in a common area where you or others can see what is on the screen at any given time.
Of course this can only work if he agrees to it and is sincere about wanting to quit.
Good health to you both. Doc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): MY husband of 7 years also views porn and tries to hide it. I have offered to include me in this, hoping that maybe there is a sexual fantasy he would be interested in. No matter how many times i've offered, he still sneaks it in as often as possible and then lies about it. It has created a huge wedge between us and his petty lies are driving me away. It has come to a point that he will deny any viewing by saying " unless you see me watching it, you cannot prove anything". It has made me feel as though our lovemaking is only based on the porn and it is only sex we have and not lovemaking. I really don't think it is something that will ever go away.
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A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (9 February 2007):
 3 years the passion sounds like it has gone! so suprise him in the bedroom mak things intressting for him!!! go out get some food in make a nice meal the dessert get some new night wear thrill him make him beg for more become like you were when you were firt met play music light candels have a bath to gether and have fun!!!!
hope this helps xx
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