A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I married my ex wife with her having a 8 month old daughter.I stayed married to her mother untill she was 13.than me and her mom got a divorce and me and my stepdaughter built a incredible relationship up to that point.(know by incredible I mean unbevievibly close nothing sexual of course she was my everything.When her mom left she lived with me instead of her mother.Again nothing sexual just very very close.Than over years I just grew extremely attached to her.I didnt know it but I fell head over hills in love for her the closness of our relationship was just incredible uniqe.Again nothing sexual.Than she is now 18 and the love I have for her has only grown deeper and is just so beautiful.I know it sounds crazy but I belive you cant choose love it chooses you.I think she feels the same way about me I want to tell her so bad but im pretty sure she knows.I wish she would follow her heart into my arms,I think she wants to but you know there are people..Please any suggestions will really help.. She is my world..........I LOVE YOU RANDY DANDY :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): Its dangerous if you approach her and she considers you as FATHERhood love, surely it will break her heart and even it causes the love you had till now will become opposite and the hatred that causes in her heart will be more than her love now. so don't fall in such trust breaking and relationship breaking issue be as father and think may be she is loving you as good father and you might be taking in a wrong way even if she is ready .
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): I'd like to state that no, once you are no longer lawfully married to her mother, you are not her father in any lawful capacity.Morally, it's a different story. Whether or not the laws says you are, you still raised her. She still grew up with you as the only father she has ever known.Even if the feelings between you have deepened into the romantic sense, and she is legally an adult and the law could do nothing to stop either of you at this point... it would be a betrayal of the familial love you shared as surrogate father and daughter to give in to them or embrace them in any way.So whilst it is entirely up to the two of you (and if you choose to engage in a mutual relationship, I wish you all peace, prosperity and happiness in the world) where you go from here. I do implore you, don't turn your back on the familial bond because sex is only going to destroy that as if it doesn't work out, you cannot get that back.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): You are her father. You did not stop becoming her father just because you are no longer legally married to her mother, because the parental relationship continued. A father is not merely someone who biologically contributed to your birth. what makes a man a REAL father is that he is the one who raised the child from infancy to adulthood. You ARE her father, the fact that you're not biologically related doesn't change that.With all due respect, I think you really need to examine your feelings. I'm not a psychiatrist or therapist but something tells me it's not 'normal', psychologically, for a man to fall in love with a daughter he has raised since infancy. Being related by blood (i.e if you were her biological father) is not what stops men from falling in love with their daughters. After all if a man never knew he had a biological daughter until she was adult he could very well fall in love with her. It's the father-child relationship that prevents a man from falling in love with his daughter. Somehow that is missing or gone awry in your relationship and I think you need to examine that, maybe with the help of a therapist.
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A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff +, writes (24 December 2010):
Wow, that's weird. But, I believe it.
Umm... Well, if you have any respect for her, you will not enter into any relationship with her. Her life will become a soupy mess. Her mother will disown her, her father will disown her... her father might kill you too.
It's possible that the love you have for her is sexual in nature and you really may love her too... but, unfortunately in this society, it just isn't right.
Good luck in your endeavors. No matter what you decide, just remember the decision could change everything.
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A
female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (24 December 2010):
I think since you are not her real dad it is not that bad but still it's considered an incest.
I have a hard time understanding how it is possible for you to have feelings for her when you have raised her. It just doesn't make any sense to me. You are not her biological father but you ARE her father, morally.
It is still wrong, though. Don't do it.
By the way, what your situation really reminds me of is the book "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Frank B Kermit is ABSOLUTELY right. This is VERY VERY inappropriate. So wrong on SO many levels. You need to re-think your feelings here.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 This is completely inappropriate.
You raised this girl from the time she was an infant.
I would not be surprised that if you even tried to get into any sort of romantic relationship with her that you might be charged with sexual misconduct.
It does not matter that you say nothing happened before. The perception of what might have happened is enough to charge you.
You were not just in a position of authority with this girl..you were her FATHER, and you STILL ARE HER FATHER!
-Frank
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I don't think this is going to be emotionally healthy for either of you but especially for her since she is so young and inexperienced.
this is emotional incest, if you know what I mean. You have known her since she was a baby. She grew up seeing you as a father figure - because you were her step father until she was 13.
she is still very young, not even old enough to vote or drink legally. People that age have enough difficulty with romantic relationships that are far less complicated than this would be. if you cross over to a sexual relationship now, it could cause some psychological or emotional problems in her later on because I really don't think she is mature enough to handle such a complex relationship. Maybe in another 10 to 15 years time she might be ready for that, provided that until then you could gradually ease away from being a father figure to being more of an adult friend. But for now I think it's just way too fast to go from being her father-figure to being a sexual partner!
I'm no psychologist but that's just my feeling....
How would your ex feel about this?? If you were to develop a romantic relationship with this girl, your ex will know about it. This would create even more complications and it could drive a wedge between the girl and her mom.
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (24 December 2010):
 I don't think this would be a healthy relationship for the either of you. I say that with all respect. It may not matter that you love her but people's perceptions are going to be one of shock (think of Woody Allen and his adopted daughter) its a lot of pressure to put on an 18 year old. I would try and get a doctor to either go to counseling together/ or individually to see if your stepdaughter could handle a intense relationship at such an early age, remember she has very limited life experiences, at 18 she just might be coming into her own. I think there is a huge age difference at 18 (just legally an adult...can't drink yet) and a woman who is 24. Who has experienced college/ job/ drinking age...bars! It all changes and you need to act like a parent and protect her rather than act on your feelings.
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