A
female
age
30-35,
*enya
writes:hey there, My name is senya and i am married for 1 year now.. And i am dating this same guy since 2 years... So basically we are together for 3 years.. My husband was dating a married lady before we meet.. she was married for 2 years when she was dating my husband.. she is been coming in between us since we are together.. i am right now at my mothers place and been checking his facebook account daily.. and my husband is been begging in front of her to talk to her.. and to meet her.. and sends love you msgs.. i am very disturbed with this... my friends advised me to leave me.. as he is been raising hands on me when trying to talk to him and sort things out.. but i cannot even leave him.. because that will be against my parents.. my parents they know that he is raising hands on me... and they have even seen me with all wounds... but as it was a love marraige they are not ready to accept me back.. i dont love him any more now.. but i have to stay with him for everybody's sake.. but this thing is even killing me inside.. i have lost almost twenty kgs cuz of this.. please advise me something.... cuz i am stuck both the side...
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Hi Senya,
I agree with everyone here. I understand that you have your parents, your culture to consider, and it must be very difficult for you to make this decision, but you have no other choice. He's abusing you physically, emotionally, and mentally. I know that your parents will not support because they are from different generation, so they might not understand you, accept your decision. I know in some cultures divorce is a sin, shameful, but how can you live this way?
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated with respect, and nobody should never lay a hand on you. How dare he cheat on you in your face? Abuse you physically? I know he's your husband, that you love him, but he's a very selfish, cruel man.
Be strong, divorce him, and do it on your own. You are still young, have so much life to live. Try to get support from friends, family, but you need to stay away from this man. I know right now you feel overwhelmed, you are weak, scared, confused, but if you stay strong, there will be a light at the end of the tunel. I know you can turn your life around.
You also need to stay calm, and keep a sane, clear, positive mind. You need to take care of yourself, and your health. You need to eat well, sleep, get plenty of rest, because you need to be physically strong to go through over this process. It's going to be difficult, but with the right attitude, positive energy, I know you can overcome this.
Just remember, you are the only one that can decide your life. You are the only one that can change your life, and do something about it. The sooner you divorce, the better, because like I said, you are still young. If you stay, 10 years from now you might regret, by then you are older, weaker, and it's going to be more difficult, and I am afraid that might be too late? You have one chance in life, do you want to live this way foreve? Do what's best for you...
Best wishes/ good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): "but i have to stay with him for everybody's sake"No you do not have to stay with him for everyone else's sake.I understand that you "have" to because of your culture. But what I'm saying is, go against your cultural rules on this one. why? because here is one situation where your cultural rules are doing more harm than good. it's killing you on the inside, and some day it may kill you on the outside too since your husband is obviously violent towards you.Isn't the purpose of a marriage to be a good thing? It is your marriage, your life, so it should be your choice. When you have to stay in a marriage for everyone else's sake, trust me no matter how 'bad' they will feel if you leave your marriage, you are feeling a million times worse if you stay in it for them. It's not an equal situation at all so when you stay in a bad marriage for your parents you're suffering more than they would suffer if you left your marriage.there will be consequences for going against your parents' wishes and leaving your husband. But there's also consequences for staying in the way you are now for the rest of your life. at least if you break free you have some chance to make a new better life for yourself, because then you are opening new opportunities. If you stay, nothing will change and you're sentencing yourself to a prison forever.don't expect your parents to support you or understand. Just do it, for yourself.
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A
female
reader, carebare  +, writes (31 October 2011):
I really feel for you. I understand that your parents don't want to take you back easily because it was a "love marriage" and therefore, your choice but this man is abusive and cheating on you (or at least trying to, if he's sending that other woman messages). No one deserves to me treated the way he is treating you. You said you don't love him anymore so why should you put yourself through this? What is there to even hope for by staying with him? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in an abusive relationship, married to someone who doesn't respect you? A man who clearly doesn't take marriage seriously if he was "dating" a married woman.All I can say is, this is your life so you need to do what's best for you. Do you work? Can you move out and get a place yourself? Can you stay with a friend or other relatives?Best
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Hello Senya,
Im so sorry to hear you are in this situation. Can you try to reason with your parents?
If not then try your best to stay away from him. He is dangerous if he is beating you. Stop looking at his facebook account. You know he is a cheater, liar, and an abuser. Looking at his facebook will only hurt you more.
Be strong. Im not sure how you can divorce him in your country but research and again try to reason with your parents. Dont give up.
Good Luck!
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