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female
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anonymous
writes: Is there anything I can do about trust issues?My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He has always been jealous, fights ensuing everytime I want to have "me" time with my friends. Usually I end up staying home, or driving around the block and THEN staying home. Six months into our relationship I went to a party, had a few drinks, and ended up making out with and staying the night at a man from work's apartment. (And NO, this is not and was not common behavior for me, and other than kissing no other physical intimacy.) I felt horrible and have severed all ties (and quit my job) where the man works. I felt so horrible about it that I told my boyfriend what happened the very next night. It was hard for a while, but we worked through it. We now live together miles from where we did. I hardly leave the house at all anymore, and it feels like I can't even go next door without him freaking out. He's slowly been trying to work on this issue. He even offered to drop me off this upcoming weekend at my best friends home while he went out with HIS best friend... but when he found out she has plans, which include a late night jazz club visit for a birthday party of another friend of mine, he's become a sullen, snappy, person. He blames me for his distrust, even from BEFORE my much regretted mistake, claiming that I'm just too flirtatious, even from when we FIRST started dating. I just don't understand: If my behavior bothered him when we first started dating, why didn't he speak to me about it then. As to my sleep-over, I had no right to do what I did, but I feel as if I have done everything in my power to help repair the trust I broke... Now though it's starting to feel like there was never any trust to begin with, and if it wasn't there to begin with, how is it possible I broke it... and what if ANYTHING can be done to repair it??? I don't want to go back to my teenage crazy party days, I enjoy the "settled life" I have now... but I can't go on feeling like I'm stuck in a cage forever! I want to share my life with my boyfriend... but don't I NEED a LIFE in order to share it??? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): Aaah standard female excuses for cheating. Leave him. You obviously have no respect for him. At what point did it become ok for females to do this or cheat but unforgivable for males. Take responsibility, you have to EARN trust
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (29 January 2006):
 If your boyfriend is going to insist on throwing this mistake of yours up in your face all the time, you both are in for a very miserable existence together!
If he is not going to be willing to put this behind him,
then you are better off without him.Life is just too short to spend being untrusting and miserable together!
Go and be happy and fill your life with more uplifting and positive people.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 January 2006):
 OK, lets be honest. You really screwed up on this one. If your partner was somewhat jealous before, you have proven him to be correct in his assumptions. If he can get over this, it might take some more time. You also have to be prepared to put up with his insecurities for some time, until he trusts you again. Don't forget, he DOES have reason not to trust you and you gave him the amunition.
He says you flirt. It sounds like you do. How else do you end up in some mans apartment? How else do you get close enough to kiss him? You let your guard down and you knew whata you were doing. At the same time, you came clean and tried to repair things. Just becasue you tried, doesn't mean he's over it. You might believe yourself, but he's scared. He's scared to pour himself into a relationship that you didn't value when you cheated on him. That's what it was too, cheating. To you it was a bad mistake. To him it was a direct hit to his pride and heart.
Time is the only thing that can heal this.
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