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female
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anonymous
writes: I got really drunk at a friends house and ended up having a 4 some w/ 2 guys and a girl. We all took turns video taping it and now Im in trouble. My ex bf, who is also my son's dad, was in the video and it was his camera we were using. My problem now is that I have a boyfriend (that I was having problems with) I don't know if were going to work out our problems at this point but if we do, he would NEVER talk to me again if he found out. Now my son's dad is threatening to reveal the tape to him unless I allow him more over night visitation and promise to leave his child support at $35 a week. I honestly can't stand my ex and although I never did anything w/ him in the tape or that night at all it's appaling to think I was even in the same room with him doing what we were doing. I don't know if my bf and I are gonna work out our problems, we live together and he'd be beside himself if he saw or heard about what I had done. Any advise other than the fact that Im an idiot and I shouldn't drink if It's gonna make me do dumb stuff?
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female
reader, Babi +, writes (7 December 2005):
You haven't done anything wrong!So what you made a dirty tape with a few friends?! You where drunk and experimenting, your ex is out of order and you should tell your partner what is happening! If your partner hates you for something that happened in the past, that has nothing to do with him and is hurting/ upseting you then you need to ask yourself if he loves you?!Honesty is the best policy, honestly tell your partner and find out if he cares and honestly tell your ex to bog off and get a life!Good luck xand don't regret your past, it was harmless fun at the time!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): You two sound great. Why do I think that you probably using vistitation as a lever against *him* in the first place?"I shouldn't drink if It's gonna make me do dumb stuff?" Its not the drinking... you were probably hanging out wth the ex and you all decided to go out drinking. When you were sober it would have been a good time to consider if it was a good idea to be out socializing with the ex when you are shacked up with a new guy. You never would have put yourself in this situation in the first place if you had thought things out to start with.Anyway, work things out with the ex. Show him what your expenses are for your child and come to a fair arrangement for both of you. And dont try blackmailing him back... that will just cause trouble for years to come.
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A
female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (6 December 2005):
 Don't let your baby daddy manipulate you like that. What he is doing is extortion and it is illegal. Trust me, if you can get him to put down in writing (printed email, note, recorded phone call) that he will expose the tape to your ex unless you give him visitation, etc. you will have a great case against him. If you get evidence, the next time he tries to blackmail you just tell him that if he does you will submit the evidence to family court. Extortionist fathers do not get the court's sympathy. On the plus side, it is nice to know that he is blackmailing you for time with his son which is more valiant than doing the same for money. It is despicable for a father to blackmail the mother of his child. However, remember, he will have this tape forever. If you give into him once, you will be giving in to him forever.As for your boyfriend, have you ever thought of telling him the video was from way before it actually was?? You could say that it was ages ago, or that you didn't know it was being videotaped. You could also tell him (if it ever came out) that he shouldn't hate you for things done in the past. Bottom line is: If your boyfriend loves you, he'll forgive you. You cannot let this video ruin your chances to ever being with a new man again. You must nip this blackmail in the bud.
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (6 December 2005):
 Ooohh, what a sticky situation...Yes, you did a very idiotic thing, and now you have to own up and come clean with your boyfriend if you hope to nip this thing in the bud, so to speak, with the blackmail thing.You have a son to think of first, you cant be thinking of yourself right now, you did a stupid thing and now you must deal with the consequenses.In future, put the wellbeing of your son uppermost in your mind, and learn from this silly mistake... if you were home looking after your son... well, you wouldnt be in this mess.It is something you cant run away from, try to conceal it, and it will come and bite you in the butt later.Do the right thing and take care.
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