A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How can one mistake I made last a life time. It wasn't even a big one, it was a small insignificant act. When my "friends" organised an outing, I ended going out with one of my others friends in the group, just me and her. The group got drunk, mainly me. Since then they've excluded me from a lot of group outings, they know that I can go and everything but they choose not to invite me and purposely talk about it in front of me like it's nothing. It hurts, and sometimes when I'm around it's like they don't even want me to be there like they're alienating me. I have't done anything or said anything that could make the whole group hate me so much. I don't know what to do, if I complain or anything I know one of them will be like "Who cares, it's just *me*, she's just making a big deal out of nothing". I know this because they've done this to 2 of my other friends who both have already left the group. I wish I could make friends with others but sometimes it feels like I can't trust anyone anymore, it's as if everyone is secretly bitching about me behind my back, literally everyone. Not a lot of people like me because I've said and done certain things in the past but nothing that concerned them in general and it wasn't anything significant. They just choose to judge me. I feel like a completely different person, I use to be so happy and lively and now I just want to cry because everyone's being so slack towards me. I might just be paranoid but honestly I've never felt so secluded and lonely. P.s. I'm not one of those bad kids that drink and do drugs or are involved with any bad people, none of that cliche "bad girl" scene. I'm in one of those average girl groups, I use to be one of the most lively and positive person in the group but now everyone's become so distant. Even my best friend since year 7 is slowly becoming distant, she even made an event and didn't invite me to it either. Sorry if this seems stupid, I just don't feel like I'm being treated fairly.
View related questions:
best friend, drugs, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 August 2012):
 Correctly 'reading' people is also a very important social skill. That means you notice their non-verbal clues. You notice (but do not comment on) their body language. You notice how they walk, talk, behave and relate to others in the group.And if you can notice, and take note of, all these things then people will often find that they have plenty of friends and that they have "Emotional Intelligence"Without emotional intelligence it can harm relationships. But fortunately people can Learn Emotional Intelligence. And notice areas that need some tweaking. Perhaps try the following EQ test. It is free. And no one but you will ever know the score. But it might help.Here it is: http://www.ivillage.co.uk/test-your-emotional-intelligence-eq/74101Secondly being positive makes a person nicer to be around. So here is a article on being positive. I am not suggesting "Polyanna" but I am suggesting trying to notice when the glass is half full, rather than be so affected because the glass is helf empty.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.htmlNo so called "friends??" are worth getting upset over. But if you find it is dragging you down emotionally do talk it over with your Doctor and if the Doctor thinks you need some short term counselling then it might be a good idea to help you put everything into perspective. Being excluded by a group of people who you thought were friends is indeed very upseting and very unsettling.Best wishes for the future.
A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (19 August 2012):
 I can understand the teenage problems,right now you would feel this is the most important thing in your life being part of the group,being invited to parties but later in the future you would think 'why in the earth did I waste so much on this'..In your walk through life many people come and go,you wil get to see a lot of backstabbers and some people who really care..now its up to you if you to be wise and pick the right people..If you think your losing your best friend,have a talk with her,tell her you feel distant from her lately,and she's one person you trust the most and not having her around is hard for you..If she's a true friend she'l realise your pain and want to make things right..As far as the rest of the group just invite all of them over to your place for lunch and use this as an opportunity to clear things with the whole group..Tell them 'I know me not going to the party I was invited by you guys has upset you all,and I am sorry about that,I should have told you guys that I'm not coming and as a friend given priority to your party which I didn't and I'm extremely sorry..I just want to put this past us and start fresh,I don't want this small thing to effect our friendship cause I care about each one of you..and if you care enough may be we can all just get through with this phase and move and be friends'..If they still hold on it honey that's your sign to move on,they are just not worth your time..Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 August 2012):
I suggest you look for a nicer group of friends. These 'friends????' These people are not behaving like real friends. in fact they sound really mean. Some people have already wised up to them, and have recognised that they are mean. Which is very good that others have already seen through their nastiness.
Although you are still young it is not too early for you to decide what ARE your values. What do you think are the attributes of a Good friend? And think about the things you can do to BE a good friend.
Being a really good Listener is a good place to start.
Not interrupting when someone is speaking is another good rule to follow.
Not being judgemental about others is always a helpful attitude to have.
And do not be in a rush to find friends immediately. Work on your own self esteem. Develop some affirmations that can provide you with daily support, if you say the Affirmations to yourself often enough, each morning and each evening, when you are alone. For at least six weeks.
Then slowly add to your group of friends people who best align with your values and your attitudes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (19 August 2012):
 They may not like you, it's possible. Not many like me either. I guess I don't care they didn't like me in the past so It's possible there bullying your a victims I was suppose to be weak victims oohh my mouth let's me know there just as weak to cause the things I say.Oh they react but mostly it could be you agree to disagree they are not friends I just found out you can have frienemies to act like they like you but hate you, despise you, to the core. Well I'm friendly still it's a 50/50 mix for me bring it together get keeping it 100 and there's always positive and negatives laws of nature I really really made a mistake dealing with fakes they acted so well liked they cared some on the other hand made it very clear they want me down in the street to suffer since way back apparently at first I missed the message not
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (19 August 2012):
They may not like you it's possible not many like me either I guess I don't care they didn't like me in the past so Its possible there bullying your a victims I was suppose to be weak victims oohh my mouth let's me know there just as weak to cause the things I say oh they react but mostly it could be you agree to disagree they are not friends I just found out you can have frienemies to act like they like you but hate yoi despise you to the core. Well Im friendly still it's a 50/50 mix for me bring it together get keeping it 100 and there's always positive and negatives laws of nature
...............................
A
female
reader, KaileyLove  +, writes (19 August 2012):
 That happened to me too. For the 4 years of high school my "friends" did that to me. It tortured me.
But here's what I've learned:
They're not your friends if they don't care about your feelings. And if they're anything like mine, they won't talk to you after graduation. But there's always gotta be that ONE poor soul that they have a need to push around. A target, I guess. And I wish I would've met new people and stuck around them. But all my other friends weren't at my school, so it sucked. But I would at least make one other friend that YOU can hang out with, and don't let your friends get their dirty little paws on them. They'll just be a friend of yours. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dominous +, writes (19 August 2012):
hate to say this , real friends dont do this . seems like they are looking for the smallest excuse to remove you from the group for what ever reason , i would find those girls that left the group and be friends with them they seem smarter lol .
...............................
|
