A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I've asked for advice before, and you have all proven to be helpful. :) I've been in a one-sided love with the same guy for 7 years. He knows how I felt. We actually dated for a few months. It was pretty amazing. Even though I was in love with him I didn't let him get the best of me. I still had my guard on. He is one of my closest friends and just by accident I feel in love with him. I don't know how and why, but I do know when I found out I was devastated. I was happy I was in love, but I knew he didn't feel the same way and I worried it would ruin our friendship if I told him. He was my 2am friend and I his. No matter what we was always their for each other. When I told him I was in love with him he wasn't disgusted and try to run away. He stood there and talked to me and told me he didn't feel the same way. Well we just recently dated. I was happy. But when he started to get distant I knew he was going to break it off..and when he suggested it I agreed. I won't tie someone unwillingly to me. After that things changed. I hoped it would help me get over him. It didn't. I know I can't make a heart stop loving a person, I just wish it would learn to let go to let me breathe. Now we graduated from high school and I hoped he wouldn't have classes with me in college. To my dismay he did. We saw each other twice a week. He talks to me. Annoys me. He even once annoyed me for my phone and read all of my texts to my best friend because he said he was bored. I didn't mind that until he started to smile and show me some texts that included him. The whole class I was blushing as he read my most inner thoughts to my best friend. Then after he had gotten so 'buddy buddy' He stopped. Now it's a miracle to get a text from him and he hasn't been coming to class lately. Now here's my question: Can I ever be friends with him again? Was he just playing me? And how do you get over a guy you constantly think about and have been thinking about for such a long time? I really need these answers and hope I get some help. I can't just sit here every minute of the day thinking about this. Not a minute goes by in the day without him in my mind.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 I'd add another question :
do I really need a "friend " that disrespect my privacy , embarasses me and makes fun of me in public ? do I really need a "friend " that knows I am deeply in love with him yet decides to date, already knowing he does not feel the same, ergo it's going to be just a transitional fling, ergo he is going to hurt me ?
Not that he must be a bad guy, he's just superficial and hey whatever like most guys his age. But a TRUE friend , I think, needs to take at heart your feelings and best interest. I don't think you miss his " friendship " because real friends do not blow hot and cold,- you just a have a big crush on him.
That answers your questions,can we ever be friends again. Maybe in a while, when you'll have forgotten any romantic feelings for him, at which point, you'll very probably find out that you don't give a fig about keeping this friendship anyway. Was he playing you ? No. He told you what he thought and what he felt, you decided to make do and date him anyway . How do you get over him ? You can't go totally NC because you see him at classes, but distance yourself as much as possible. Do not seek , instigate or ACCEPT occasions to socialize with him. Do your own thing, and a lot of it. Be proactive in seeking new friends, new interests, immerse yourself in studies or hobbies. Thoughts and memories will catch you unaware anyway- make a willing conscious effort to NOT indulge them, i.e., rather then sitting there daydreaming about your lost love, get up and go to the gym, or to run, or clean house, or wash your hair. Interrupt with a physical action the flow of your thoughts. Be consistent and it will work- and be optimistic, at your age the next passion is always around the corner.
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Ugh--you have my sympathy. I know this situation are very painful.
To answer your 2nd question first, I do not think he was playing you. I think it sounds like he is confused about what he wants. He obviously likes you and has affection for you, but for whatever reason he is not ready to get involved with you romantically. "Playing" with someone means manipulating them to get what you want and feigning caring or affection. I do not think based upon what you wrote that he did any of these things.
As for your first question, well, that's a little harder. To be honest, my own opinion is that the only way you will stop thinking about him and get on with your own life is to avoid him entirely. A one-sided love can be excruciating and can easily lead to obsession and resentment. Of you can discuss it like mature people, perhaps an understanding can be worked out, but it sounds like this guy is not the best communicator.
It is time for you to move on with your life, and thoughts of this guy are impeding your progress in finding someone with whom you can have a mutually loving relationship. If you create distance, it will be very hard at first but in time he will fade from your thoughts.
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