A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I graduated high school 3 years ago I have noticed that out of all my guy and girl friends that it seems like all the girls that where once nice and respectable have become party whores and seem to have lost their good morals. I really didn't have a lot of close female friends but the ones I did have I liked them because they were different and weren't sluts like the rest of them. My guy friends seem pretty stable and are respectable people with the exception of one (everyone seems to have that one friend who is a womanizing douche it seems). I know a lot of people say they party and become idiots so they can "find themselves" which I don't get but my question is why does it seem that women when they go to college just lose themselves and become slutty? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Oh cut the nice guy crap and grow a pair. Women date nice guys, and I don't know what your problem is, but plenty of great, NICE WOMEN get screwed over too, ok? They get screwed over by nice guys as much as other guys, because you have to kiss plenty of frogs before you find a prince. So maybe you need to work on your charm and stop blaming women for not getting any. It's not our fault that you secretly wish you were a chick-magnet, because AS IF settling down with kids and marriage is what YOU want, you just sound bitter because you ain't getting any of these so-called "sluts". And then when you finally meet a woman who actually takes a liking to you you'll screw her over because of your bitterness. Yay, talk about being NICE.
Now, stop talking about women like we're all a big blob of identical clones with identical minds. It's offensive. And surely, it will not help you get laid. You are a slut yourself if all you want is a woman so you can have sex. And, your posts are not at all related to the original topic in this thread.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): I didn't say men like chaste girls better. I said men like chaste girls better for long term partners.Before you start attacking men for this, consider what it's like being a "nice guy" trying to date young women during your teens and early 20s. Women change their type as they start wanting to settle down just as much as men. If not more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
 The only thing I really don't get about your post is the double standard.
If you think college is going to make your GF a slut, per say, then you have no faith or trust in her and maybe she isn't the right one for you.
To the Anon Male who said that men likes chaste girls better, I call the BS card. If that was true there would be no "sluts" out there. Logic.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 September 2011):
Male anon, no one is complaining here. That post doesn't make sense and isn't related to the topic.
Anyway, they are right you know, not all American women do this. I have always thought of the women who do do this as a particular American phenomenon, but that doesn't mean ALL women are like that. Not at all. But what the poster from the UK said gives meaning to it all. If you look at university NOT only as education, but as being free, exploring who you are etc. etc. then sure, I believe it is more likely to see women being promiscuous (men too) in that type of setting.
However, in Russia for example (and I imagine the Asiatic countries too), or Norway, university IS for studying. Nothing else. If you go to university you don't go out drinking and partying because you have exams, you have plenty of books to read and study, you have mandatory classes which you must attend or you flunk. In the Asiatic countries though, and Russia too, young people rarely move out on their own until they are finished with their education/are married. In Norway man move out when the go to universities, but the drinking age is 18 here, and the age of sexual consent is 16. So nothing is new or a big deal at 21.
However I will add that in Norway we have our own social phenomenon. So far we've just talked about the Americans, but you must not forget that every country has their own social phenomenons. For example we have a bunch of 14'tis as we call them (fjortis). They start out at 14 being annoying and obnoxious, think life is a party and drink and have sex under age, often with older men, they bleach their hair white and paint their faces orange, thinking they are sexy. They also have close to no goals in life (many dream of being a playboy-girl), and are often seen as rather dumb, and often speak in high pitch tones (baby talk). It usually starts around age 14, but can last a life time. They rarely attend universities or higher education, but get knocked up at 18 with a one night stand or the no good boyfriend.
See, we have our own lot to deal with. It's just that our slutty ones rarely get as far as to university because they already had a kid by 18 and they often do not finish high school!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): I don't judge women for being promiscuous. I judge women for being promiscuous and then not accepting the consequences of their actions later. Men think highly of women who remain chaste. Men find these women very attractive for long term partners. Women, if you want that respect then all you have to do is earn it. If you didn't earn it then please don't complain that you deserve to be given the same treatment as someone who did.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 I'm sorry if I'm missing the point of the post but are you bashing American college women? As me and another poster pointed out, not all American women are like that. Believe it or not there are women that do go to college not just for the experience but the education. The partying is nothing but a bonus. It's unfair of you to generalize American girls as being rude and uptight. Not all are that way, I promise. Maybe after you get out of college you will experience more mature and polite American women. Hopefully, you find the woman you're looking for. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontennisstar88 i actually knew a couple who share the same story as you and let me tell you it was the females fault. she even told me she wanted the freedom to blow guys whenever she wanted and as soon as she went back to uni she became a complete slut. And this girl actually made her long term boyfriend put a ring on her finger before they had sex and lost her virginity. After this episode i've lost all faith in women because it was a smack in the face to me and my friend who she dated. It made me realize finding a good girl with good morals wait let me rephrase that finding a good girl with decent morals is like finding a needle in a haystack. iI have high standards for the women i date and in order for me to ever find someone that met them i would have to lower them significantly, but to gte back on track American girls are very rude and uptight. ive noticed that when ever im in college i try to make a convo or ask a question with a chick from here they seem rude but whenever i chat with a person thats from another country like canada or europe they are very nice.(yes iam an american born and raised)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Err...this is not an American thing! I'm 22 and from the uk and this most certainly happens here too.I think you are taking this a bit too seriously, it's not really your business who sleeps with who. If that's what they want to do then they are going to do it, whether its responsible sex or irresponsible sex. College and Uni are not about just education, its about having your first breath of freedom, knowing your limits and FINDING OUT what is good and bad behaviour (and hopefully learning from it).And what makes a person slutty? For some people its flirting too much and for others it's having sex with more than one person a month, and for others it's having sex with more than 2 people a year. What is your definition?If you dont like "sluts" then dont be one yourself, but let others do what they want.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 September 2011):
Hey now, not all American girls do that!!
Actually I was pretty studious in college and engaged. Broke off my engagement then started partying and drinking a little more. I had already lost my virginity a long time ago but I didn't randomly hook-up with every guy I came across. I'm fine being STD free.
The uni I went to was surrounded with endless bars and clubs to go to..Like one poster stated it depends on the college. So after you're done with your studies, it was convenient to go out then stumble home without having to foot the bill for a cab ride. Or go thru the hassle of finding a DD.
Also people were raised differently, some being sheltered by their parents...are exposed to these vices and don't know how to handle themselves.
There's also the fact of turning 21 while being in college. Some people can't handle their alcohol intake and sadly abuse it.
As far as the hooking up goes, I've seen a group of guys try to snag home some drunk passed out girls. Then some girls are willing to go. I suppose for some alcohol makes them horny.
It's about location of the bars/clubs, media portraying in our early years of what college is like, depending upon how we were raised as a child, and probably a little bit of peer pressure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoney Pie, Cindy Cares, and Chigirl you are so right when you say its an American thing. Im not bitter just worried that my girl friends are going to end up like some older people I know that are known to have stds and kids simply because they messed up during their college years. You are also right Honey Pie when you say parents preach instead of teach because that's what I see my best friends mom do and it makes me mad because she encourages promiscuity to her daughter by telling her it okay to a Frat house doormat by telling her stories of when she was in college but yet preaches to her daughter that she shouldn't be having sex until she is married. Again im not bitter its just I care to much about people (Iam an atheist by the way so its not a religious bantering) and it is my greatest weakness. I wish I wouldn't care so much for people because it would make life 100 times easier for me. My parents ever since I was 8 began having the talk with me about sex and they never made it a one time thing, they made it years and years of telling me about actions and consequence. So its because of this I find myself actually thinking before I act. And because of this I try to get friends to think before they act to no avail. In my experience I have found that girls from different countries are much nicer than American girls.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2011):
Not all girls do that. That is just a silly generalization.
I grew up in Europe, and girls certainly didn't turn into sluts once they started on a higher education or moved away from home. Maybe becuase we were taught to be more independant earlier in life then our American counterparts.
I do think it is more of an American phenomenon, since a lot of youngesters move away for the first time when they go to college. They are no longer "supervised" and guided by their parents. It's total free reins. Boys have always had more freedom (from what I have seen), so the whole going to college is not a total culture shock for them (boys).
Look at the media these days, look at the tv shows directed at that age group, look at the "reality" tv shows. Not all youngesters are good at finding their own moral compass, when they are bombarded with junk rolemodels like Paris Hilton and those skitchy kids on Jersey Shore. Sadly, not all parents TEACH their kids to have morals and to use good sense, they just PREACH it. Some have to learn it the hard way.
Don't be so hard on these girls, it makes you sound bitter. And you are just to young to be bitter. If you don't want a "slutty" GF, then take your time finding a good one, I am sure there are plenty of them out there.
Also, if you should be upset.. be upset at all the DOUCHE BAGS!
And I agree with the Anon poster who said:
A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011):
They don't lose themselves, they find themselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry if im being so judgmental but what else would you like to call it when a man or women has sex with countless people? Yes these are my friends and im just trying to see what they see by asking questions. I care about them and what scares me is that they know nothing about std statistics in college and my girl friends don't even know how to use a condom on a guy and don't even know they can get a std by just giving oral. (http://www.nursingschools.net/blog/2010/05/10-truly-shocking-stats-on-stds-and-college-students/) take a look at this article I found and its really scary. I want them to be happy in the choices in life they make but some choices cant be reversed and will effect their life forever. These girls have the it will never happen to me attitude and I truly feel sorry for them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Stop being so judgemental. It happens across the world. It is about exploring new freedoms and being young. Seriously, get over it.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (24 September 2011):
Nothing to do with being American. Females become like that bc of standards and rules maybe strict set by their parents. And for years they have to act this way or that way while boys will be boys and don't get reprimanded for dating or going out or they're not called slutty for having different gf and making babies. So these chicks when they get to college they can be themselves, experiment, do the things that they couldn't do. It's actually the parents or guardian fault. Don't hold female to a different standard as children allowing the guy to hangout with friends date etc and expect the female to study and go to church. I attended a big university and saw this, I wasn't one bc I'm a leader not a follower and my parents didn't have to be super strict on me growing up. Don't judge them its Normal, just like a child deprived of sweets and given cake one day. Yes, that child will try almost every kind of sweet when they can buy it themselves. Let the females enjoy themselves without u labeling their behavior slutty. This is the time before marriage and away from family to finally enjoy yourself without being told act this way or that. Don't be a party police....just be their friends.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 True, it's an American thing. Which means it involves a lot of people, but definitely it's not universal .
It's funny, I noticed it too, kids are hold to rather strict conduct standards before college - and bombarded with don't drink, don't have sex, don't go out on a school night, go to church etc. - but then they are not only allowed, but covertly or openly encouraged to " get crazy, get wild , be loud " ( in the immortal words of Pauly D :) for 4 years so they can "get it our of their system " and come back home and immediately become outstanding citizens and chaste spouses, the salt of the earth and the pillar of the nation. Go figure.
I must say I think it also depends from the kind of college , the kind of committment and they kind of results they are expected to produce . Years ago I cooperated to a project of Columbia University in New York and for 3 months I had the chance to meet a good number of students, I never got the impression that they were having a lot of sexy fun or tons of wild slutty nights- they were too busy to bust their a.. off in order to keep up with their courses.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (24 September 2011):
This appears to be an American phenomena. It doesn't happen in universities or colleges in other parts of the world. I also think this is connected with the advice all girls and guys get before the go to university or college in the USA, especially the girls are encouraged to dump their boyfriends so they can be single while at uni and "enjoy it" to the fullest. Which can only mean one thing, that girls are encouraged, by adults even, to go sleep around. Because if that wasn't so the why would they need to be single before going?
Just have a look around dearcupid, young girls are being advised to break off their relationships before they go to college so they can "enjoy it" or "enjoy the fun" aka sleep around. Because there's nothing else they'd need to be single to enjoy, is there?
I also think, wild guess, that in addition to this being expected of them, they rebel since often this is the first time they are away from their parents. And with the age of consent being 18 in most of the USA, they think that "now is the time to lose my virginity" and go and have sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): They do it because natural selection is telling them to fuck the males with the best genes while they are young and most fertile.
If a girl demands to be treated like a respected steady girlfriend then she has to settle for only the kind of guy who is really on her level. But if she does not demand anything from the guys she sleeps with, then she gets to "catch" a bunch of more attractive guys that would readily use her for sex but not date her seriously.
A few hot guys get all the spoils, most girls get themselves used for a while, and the biggest losers of all are the "nice guys" who finish last the whole time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): They don't lose themselves, they find themselves.
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