A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, I really need your help. Basically my Mum listened in to a conversation with my sister yesterday and found out: i've lost my virginity to my boyfriend, i was hoping to have him stayover secretly when they went away, that she doen't know half the stuff i get up to, that i think she highly favours my brother AND that i found her to be very stressed out a lot of the time and that i feel she ignores me when she's in such a mood. Anyway following this conversation she stormed in and said she'd heard everything and then she forced me to retell it all to my Dad. She hasn't spoken to me directly since. And i know i need to talk to her about it. my boyfriend said it's good it's out in the open, but obviously i still love my Mum, but i just don't feel she can comprehend i'm not the same girl i used to be. She's a devout Christian also, which means the idea of sex before marriage and so forth: she's very against it. I admit i was wrong to slag her off like that and to try and sneak my boyfriend in for a night when she was away but she never lets me stay at his for the night because of HER views. She kept going on about how she 'used to think i was special, how she thought i was worth something ...' and at one point was threatening to kick me out saying i do nothing for this family and that i've gone totally against my upbringing. But then i don't know, i don't regret sleeping with my boyfriend and i think it's totally natural to want to have him sleepover, every now and then, but i just don't know how to resolve this! Any ideas? HELP!
View related questions:
christian, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 April 2011):
I couldn't agree more with the two posts below. Your mother's behaviour has been absolutely vile, hypocritical and disgusting.
1 - You're 18, that means you can live your own life.
2 - I refer you to the following Bible passages
"Judge not less ye be judged"
"A child should be pushed away with one hand, and brought closer with the other"
You're mother's a total hypocrite. You don't need to do a thing. Sometimes family isn't all that great, and I think your mother has shown herself up appallingly.
You don't owe her a thing, you don't need to lift a finger, you don't need to change. Live your own life free of this kind of person, and as the post at the bottom suggests, maybe you need to be looking for a place of your own.
You're not the bad person here. She is. She's everything that is wrong with religion - a pure hypocrite.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 So, she eaves drops on your private conversation and YOU'RE the bad guy? I love the morality police...
Your mom's issues are her own. She has to realize that you're a young woman now, and an adult. Part of being an adult is making your own decisions and living with the consequences of your actions. I'm sure she's disappointed, and that's what led to her reaction, but you are not her, and you need to live your life as YOU see fit. Hopefully she realizes that she raised a responsible young lady. It won't happen instantly, but with time she may come to realize it.
As for regaining her trust, I think she has to work on regaining yours as well. All you can do is be yourself and show that you're the responsible girl she raised. Trust is easily lost, and difficult to gain. It will take time, but I also believe you should stick to your guns because you aren't wrong here. Your choices are different than hers, but that doesn't mean they aren't right. If they are right for you, then that's what matters.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Whilst you live in your parents house it is a mark of respect that you follow her wishes and don't have your boyfriend over to stay. Whilst she is the one paying for a roof over your head it is responsible and morally decent of you to follow her house rules, if you don't like them, move out.
Having said that... I think your Mum enforcing her views on you and intefering in your private life is disgraceful. You respect her right to her chrisitan views and she should respect your right to live as you wish to.
Your sex life is non of your parents buisiness, so long as its not under their roof.
Tell her just that. Whilst you live thier he wont come around, but she ahs no right to pry into your private life and dictate how you should live.
If she continues tell her to fuck off and move out.
Simple
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 April 2011):
Your mother is sick. She tried to force you to follow her beliefs and then she forced you to tell to your dad you've lost your virginity. I find that very repulsive and sick.Of course it's totally natural you want to have sex. And you are over 18 so you are in your own right to do it.You have to leave your home as soon as you are ready to. In the mean time you will have to live with this. Are you working? I think it would be good for your and the relationship with your mother that you start living in your own place.
...............................
|
