A
female
age
41-50,
*hegoldencharm
writes:Well....I met my soulmate backin 1994. He was determined to get my attention, and when he did, we were instantly in love. We were both young, I was 17 and he was 19. Of course, at the time, I had no clue he was my soulmate, but did know that I was in love with him. Things were good for a while, wonderful actually. I can still remember the 1st time we made love, the song that was playing, his look. Then, he left abrubtly. (He was from a different state.) He called me, a few days later, just to say "I love you." His roommate at the time, came to my job, and told me that he wanted me to know that my "soulmate" really did love me. But that didn't ease the pain. I moved on, and the man I dated after him, I ended up marrying, and spent the next 12 years and a child with. I am now divorced from him. December of 2006, my soulmate found me. I was SHOCKED! He was in Iraq, has been in the army for a long time, and we talked and our connection came right back. Instantly, I was right back in love with him. And him with me. Well, here is the tough part. He is married. He has 4 children, and supposedly not happy. I've heard it all, and although we live in different states, we have spent 3 weekends together so far. I do not want to be the demise of his marriage, and I dont want to be foolish when he tells me all the things his wife isnt doing and how he is happy. But all I can think about is our life together and how much I miss him. He calls me daily, and always tells me he loves me, but I just feel like I cant hang on much longer. What should I do?
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female
reader, thegoldencharm +, writes (9 May 2008):
thegoldencharm is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow, I never thought I would find someone else who is going through the same as I. Here's an update for you.....I last saw him in January for our birthdays, his is the 16th, mine the 18th. He is now stationed in the U.S. not close to me, I am in the northeast, he is in the south, but we talk every single day. Yes, he is still with his wife, nothing much has changed on that front. However, our connection is stronger than ever. I understand what you mean about the dreams, thoughts, and feelings being comingled. It's almost scary.....when I tell him something or vice versa, we are both like OMG, how did that happen?? I am going to see him this month, we both need it. I am going through a torturous divorce and he is struggling so bad with his marriage, the only time our souls feel free is when we are together. It's like the weight comes off our chests and we can breath~so freely. It seems that it should be oppisite, that the guilt should make us feel the other way-but it doesnt. And our meetings are not always sexual either. He is truly my best friend, I talk to him about everything. And I mean EVERYTHING!
The pain of not being with him, is slowly dying....b/c I know how it's going to be. And like you, I wont stop my journey. But I cannot help to resist that "free" feeling that my mind, soul and heart feels when I am with him. Despite the obvious, I will not stop seeing him, but my expectations of anything are not there. He is my friend, and he always will be. I'll post an update when I get back from seeing him, I'm sure I will be wreck like always when I leave him!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): I can sympathize with your situation! I have also been dealing with a similar situation however I am further into the process than you!Our situations are similar yet different. I've met my soulmate - and he truly is my soulmate! From the first moment we sat down and spoke, I felt as though we've known each other before. At the time I was being polite and said, "we must have been brother and sister in a past life". At the time, he was married as was I (hense the politeness). It didnt take long before we discovered energy we share! We would always run into each other, feel each other's presence, know where the other is or will be, we'd dream the same dreams (at the very same moment), etc, etc as the list goes on! It may sound unreal to those who have never experienced it, but we are soulmates in the true sense of the word.We fell in love instantly just like you! It was the most natural experience! But our marriages caused a lot of issues morally for both of us (obviously). Summer 2007 both of our spouses found out about our 'affair'. My Soulmate moved out of his house; I was indecisive but stayed with my husband. We continued on a painful journey of not knowing what was 'right' and what was 'wrong'! IN the fall, my soulmate and I ended our relationship to work on our marriages- we've both been married for 10 years+. We owed that to our marriages. But we were both in love with each other (and not our spouses) and we both had a very hard time letting go of each other. We still communicated and we still saw each other for coffee (or what not). Simple little meetings (not at all sexual) that wouldnt allow us to move forward (with each other or our spouses).In January 2008, I ended my marriage. My SM (soulmate) was back and forth between his marriage and being out on his own but shortly before I told him, he had decided to go back to his marriage to give it an honest try; without me in his life - period. We said good bye again! Its May now and he is still there with his wife. I dont know how they are doing and I dont want to know! It's been a hard and long journey to get where I am right now. Some days are good. Some days are bad! Things are looking up though!I've realized that HE needs to figure out his own life. For him! For his wife and for his children! I cant control that for him and I cant be his rebound girl. What we share is so special, that if we do end up together we will be fantastic. So in the meantime, as much as it hurts, I am moving on without him in my life. I still feel him. I still know things about him. We still dream. We still connect. When I see him, I ignore him; as does he with me. That is the way it has to be right now. If we really are meant to be together (and in my case, I do believe we are - and I grappled a lot with this thought) then we will be one day. I will just have to stay open to our connection, but not allow it to stop my in my own journey! I am not even sure if you check this thread anymore. How about an update?
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (28 January 2008):
 I think you already were the demise of his marriage. It seems as if it was pretty much over anyway, but now with you in the picture.... It's just a matter of time. It could be a very long time, though, depending on how old his children were. A lot of people stay married just for the children's sake.
If you are his soulmate, there's nothing society can really do to hold you back from him. If you're destined to be together, then fate is fate. I wouldn't be so worried about 'what would happen' because it already has; I mean, you've spent 3 weekends together.... You've already crossed that line into his marriage.
You should ask him point blank if he plans on leaving his wife and when. If he says 'no' or is indecisive, move on. If he says 'yes', then maybe arrange something more permanent after they separate. Stop seeing him on the weekends, though. That's what's making you feel so bad. You know your at least having an emotional affair with him.... I mean, come on. That's someone else's husband. Ease off until she officially says she's not that interested anymore.
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A
female
reader, thegoldencharm +, writes (28 January 2008):
thegoldencharm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers and help. It's pretty much what I expected.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 "I do not want to be the demise of his marriage"....Did yo have a tough time saying that? What would you describe your role as. if not one of the major contributing factors to the demise of his marriage. Why ae you listening to all his belly aching about his marriage? That is part of the typical scenario. You guys are taking all the common steps that lead to this type of behaviour. Leave him alone. You don't know if he's your sould mate. Perhaps is he. He is a mrried man though. As for him being in an unhappy marriage, what would you expect him to say.........."I'm totally happy at home. I love my wife and I'll never leave her. She is great and I still want to have sex with you." How would that sound?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Stop the train and get off before it reaches the point of no returns.
Accept the inevitable and move on.
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