A
female
age
41-50,
*oopy loo
writes:Hi i am a 32 year old woman married for 12 year to the only man i have ever been with we have 2 children.All my friends fancy him and probably think we have a excellent sex life but the truth is i think its not.I went out with some friends a couple of months ago we all were quite drunk and they started talking about orgasms i suddenly realised i have never had one so lied that i had, when i came home that night i was very off with my husband but never told him.as i say i have never slept with any one else but went out with one when i was 16 when he kissed my neck i melted and when my husband does this he sticks his teeth in and it hurts more than anything the same with oral sex i lie there and think hurry up as he sucks and it just hurts.I am now thinking the grass is greener on the other side i love and fancy him so much but its getting to the stage where we have sex i am thinking for gods sake what are you doing.any advice or suggestions appreciated before i do something i may regret just to see what i am missing.
View related questions:
drunk, oral sex, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, silver_rain  +, writes (12 August 2007):
dear friend im saying think positive!for starters think that the situation could have been worse; for instance wouldn't it be aweful if 1 day u'd woke up and then find out that you're man is cheating on u? wouldn't it feel worse if (knock on wood) u didn't get along with u're parents in law? i know i may seem a lot oessimistic but things like those do happen..u should be grateful 4 having a successfull marriage.ok sometimes fights and misunderstandings occur but c'est la vie. now concerning your sex life i'm 16 and don;t know the importance that sex plays in smb's life but u can always turn to a consulor or smth!or try talking to him! ah and if i were you i wouldn't discuss this problem with any friend! why? simply cuz i don't trust them! out there, there are many women who want to steal you'r man! good luck and take care!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Dear whoever why dont you try talking to your husband he let him know he is hurting you instead of going to somebody else you could end up hurt worser and on top of that with a sexual tramnsmitted dease
...............................
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (27 July 2007):
Hi! Married for 12 years: Don't rush into something that you may end up regretting the rest of your life. I'm not about to side with either one of you, as it takes two in or out of the bed to make a marriage work The first thing that I see that is lacking in your marriage is good old communication. None of us are handed the magical key to marital bliss when we say, "I do". And it's an ongoing lifetime job,where both partner's need to keep the relationship alive emotionally, mentally and physically. So if you really want to save your marriage,there is only one way to to this, "And this is that way". You both need to become more knowledable about your genitals,and how to use them to please each other,after all that is what togetherness is all about. Happy in ded,equals Happyness outside of it too. Here is one of the best books,If shared together and taken to heart can save your marriage. "The New Promise of Pleasure for Couples in Love. (ESO)--How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm. By Alan P. Brauer, MD. and Donna Brauer".
IT IS Published by WARNER BOOKS, INC. 1983, ISBN 0-446-51270-2. PS YOU CAN FIND THE BOOK ON EBAY. Do start to talk to each other. Sex is suppose to be fun, not hurt. So tell him what feels good, and what doesn't feel good when he's making love to you. He can't read your mind, anymore than you can read his.
...............................
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I too think that if you told him what and how you like him to do things, and just be mindful to not shape it as a criticism to him, well then he will know how to please you.. and it's a learning process. Also you yourself experiment on your own and find out what you like and what you don't or are neutral to..
I've been with a guy who just basically BIT the hell out of me, I never told him for a while, but then I started slowly to direct him and stop whatever I didn't like, and eventually the sex was great it took a couple months though haha but communication did work.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (26 July 2007):
 I'd like to add one thing. I don't know about all women, but why did it only ever occur to you at the age of 30 - 35 that you'd never had an orgasm. Didn't it ever cross your mind? I'd say that sex has possibly never been that important to you, for whatever reason. Some women are taught it's bad to be sexual....just a thought.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (26 July 2007):
The grass is greenest where you water it. Work on your marriage and the partner you have. Communicate with him, seriously. As for only 30 percent of women having orgasms...I think that's low. Maybe from intercourse, but orally, I'd think it was much higher. Have yo ever tried giving yourself an orgasm? Maybe it's not your husbands fault? Have you tried to masturbate?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): If you really love your husband and still fancy the pants off him (i.e. there is still chemistry) it may just be that you need to communicate what you like more. You don't need to say 'no' but encourage him by making it obvious what is good. I am not sure this is your only problem though? Maybe its just a hunch but I get the feeling there could be a deeper resentment. Looks are not everything and it certainly doesn't mean an automatically amazing sex life. My ex-husband was lovely looking, kept fit, nice body etc but our sex life was non-existent because a) he was undermining and not supportive and I resented him b) we lacked chemistry. I met him when I was 16 and didn't know different - marrying out 21 - and 5 years after that I had an affair because I felt rejected and unloved by him. The truth was we had got together too young and had grown apart - in addition there were so many issues the sex would never have happened. A fling is not the answer it damages you in many ways. Try communicating if you WANT to. If this is your way of distancing yourself because there are other issues try and see this more clearly. As for his sexual technique (sorry to sound like a manual) he may be inexperienced and needs encouraging gently to get it right for YOU. The joy of being with someone you love is that you have that chance. I would give it go.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Babe the grass really is not greener and you obviously deeply care and love your husband, so maybe if you have not done so already try telling him the problems in the bedroom.
He may think you like it like that, or he may not even realise that it hurts you and you want it over with.
Rather than find it else where just communicate.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): Im in a relationship of 7 years. We have only ever slept with eachother. what ive learned is to tell him as it happens. If hes giving me oral and it hurts, ill correct him and say do this or do that. Then they know.Your husband wont knowif you dont tell him. He may not even like everything you do and also hasnt said.
Trust me. The grass is never greener.
Communication and honesty is the key here. It really is.
And as for the orgasm.Only 30% of women have them.I do, however i discovered my body and what it likes from about the age of 16.but i know for a fact that its not my partner, its me! My partners performance obv plays a role, but alot is down toyourself too.
...............................
|
