A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for a little over a year. We just got married a couple of months ago. When we first got together I was 7 1/2 months pregnant from my previous fiance, who left me because of his stupid friend. Right before our son was born I went to see him, and he said he wanted to start over and have a family together. I didn't want to get hurt again (cuz I still loved him) so I stayed w/ my boyfriend (my husband). So we talked off and on, and he was very interested about the baby. He didn't go to the hospital when our son was born, he said he was scared, but my now husband was there the whole time. My ex has seen our son off and on, and has even gone to doctors appnts with us. He is in an arranged marriage and they won't even sleep with each other, he says he only wants children with the woman he's in love with (me). He says he still loves me and he doesn't see the reason why we shouldn't be together because we have a son and still love each other. I love my husband very much, and he is my sons father now. I am so confused I dont' know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank you all so very much for your input. They were all very much what I needed to hear. Love to all who need it, and luck to those who want it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Put all thoughts of this idiot out of your head. Where was he when you needed him the most? Who has stood by you? How will he change? You will go back to him and walk straight back into hell with another child of his. Sorry but you need to grow up and realise just who really cares about you, your husband now. He should have 100% of your attention and stop wasting time on your ex. Move on and wake up!!!
Take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Your Husband sound like a great guy. He stayed with you even tho you were pregnant to another man. He was there through the birth and everything. You ex sounds like he only wants to be there when it suits. Please don’t make a mistake by loosing a good man for a looser. Stay were you are, your ex will only bring you heart ach.
Take Care
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted +, writes (15 March 2007):
 One reason you shouldnt be together is the friend is all it took for him to get cold feet the first time. The kid you had together will keep him in and out of your life, he needs to respect your current marriage and his own arranged or not, his decisions are going to lead you into a sorded mess. Just stick to the man you have he is still there and the other guy is just that, the other guy. Your child will deserve to know the difference but also that there is one. Its a lesson I learned by an irresponsible father and your child will have to learn the same lesson, you just have to try not to step into the role of irresponsible mother and be the light in your childs life when he needs to make choices about right and wrong. If you get the divorse and get mixed up with his already married father you'll both be forever classified as iresponsible in his eyes and he'll have to go else where for positive roll models in a world where possitive is no longer used to describe the effects people have on eachother. Just a thought but broken home breed broken kids, but a one parent home is not necesarily broken...depends upon the parent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Are you more confused for him or for yourself? The way I see it, your ex is better at talking the talk than walking it.
To say that he's interested in the baby and wants to have a family with you would mean that he should have been there when the baby was born. He has a poor idea of what responsibility means - he let his friend convince him that you guys shouldn't be together, he doesn't show up for the baby's birth, and he doesn't do anything about the marriage he's in now - arranged or not.
If you genuinely love your husband, and take him as your son's father, then your ex's problems with his marriage are really his own problems to deal with.
If you want to go back to your ex, you have to ask yourself WHAT he would offer you?
Would he divorce his current wife? Would he let his friends persuade him to break up with you again? Would he help you take care of the baby?
It's unfair on your current husband as well to be so wishy-washy between your ex and him. So far your husband has been supportive and responsible, and yet you say you love your ex too despite his unaccountability.
Do yourself a favour - since you married your husband, give yourself totally into this marriage and let it WORK. If it fails, let it fail of its own accord and not because of your ex.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 March 2007):
 You said it yourself: you love your husband very much. I say you should stick with him.
I'm sorry that your ex-boyfriend is playing a foul game by speaking words of love and trying to make you be with him again. It's probably confusing but don't fall for it. Being with a man who is married to another woman is never going to lead to anything but frustration and sorrow. If it gets difficult, remember that your ex-boyfriend left you because of his friend. If he had any backbone at all, he wouldn't have done that.
I suggest that next time your ex tries to tell you anything along the lines of how you should be together with him, let him know that you're blissfully happy with your husband. That should make him back off.
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