A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my brother in law: yes, I know it is extremely wrong but this is my story: I've been married for 11 yrs. My marriage is a good one though there are things I don't like about my husband...in any case, I do love my husband too. When I first met my brother in law I felt attracted to him but never crossed my mind to have an affair with him. Well, two years ago he approached me and told me how attracted he was to me....we started the affair...@ that time he was married but soon after separated ( not for me) for the first two months he was very much into me but then started to pulled away; he said bec. of guilt. after 9 months he went back with his wife and now are about to separate again, this time for good as per him. The thing is that yes it is wrong for us to have this affair but I love him deeply and the only way to be with him is in this way. I will not leave my husband and even if I do we can't have a "normal" relationship. My family nor his will approve of this. Anyways, I am confused and in pain because he pulls away and then comes back. Now i am not so sure if he is in love with me or if he is using me for sex only. He says that if it was sex he would choose any other woman but his brother's wife. but I am not so sure because he pulls away and don't call but then we see each other and he is back to flirting and stuff. Is he using me for sex only or is he pulling away when he can't deal with guilt???? help please...and no, I am not a witch who is betraying her husband for lust...I truly feel I love both of them!!!!!!!
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male
reader, BoundlessLove +, writes (7 January 2015):
I think you should take some of these replies with a grain of salt. I'm sure that there is a whole lot more to it than just what you wrote. But here is my point of view, again take it with a grain of salt. I believe humans are not meant to love just one person. However, many people believe in different things based on their religion or whatever. At the end of the day, we all are human. It would be a different matter if you are related biologically. You do have others to think about. Your husband - I believe that if he has no religious or other reasons to fundamentally reject you, then he should love you for exactly who you are and not someone you pretend to be. It comes down to you - can you live a double life or do you need to be you? If you need to be you as I suspect, then you need to be honest with yourself and your husband, accept the consequences, don't look back because life is short. Do not hesitate to love those you love. If this is only lust for your BIL, then your husband can be understanding of that too. You need to develop honesty about your physical and emotional needs with your husband.Children - Protect them and be aware of the message you send them.BIL - sounds like this is mostly a physical relationship, otherwise you would know if he wasn't using you. Try to date him and talk to him. Say the things you are afraid to say because there is no other way to get it out and to see his reaction. Only you can figure out this question.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): The first person you need to talk to this about is your husband.I am not judging you.I am asking you to take into account the feelings of the human being who married you.Remember its never too late to become a better human being ~Mrs.Anon
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): "I mean who wants to destroy their entire family?! " someone who sleeps with her husband and his brother at the same time. keeping it all in the family?? well if you women want to stop destroying your families then stop spreading your legs for your husbands brother. simple. no fuss. just common sense.
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female
reader, Anonymous_99 +, writes (9 February 2010):
 I am in a similar situation...feel free to email me if you need to talk more. I honestly think that your BIL is very confused about what he wants. I highly doubt he is using you! I dont think you have sex with your SIL just to use her...the fact that he separated with his wife, got back together and is now separating again means he must have some confusion about what he REALLY wants. The guilt of an affair like this is so painful...I know personally...bc if I could split myself in two I'd be with both my hubs and my bil. He probably doesnt want to actively have an affair with you even though you already have, but when he see's you he cannot control how he feels...which is why he probably distances himself from you to keep those feelings at bay. I mean who wants to destroy their entire family?! NO ONE this is my opinion i hope it helps. but like i said i just think he's really confused...
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female
reader, Anonymous_99 +, writes (9 February 2010):
I am in a similar situation...feel free to email me if you need to talk more. I honestly think that your BIL is very confused about what he wants. I highly doubt he is using you! I dont think you have sex with your SIL just to use her...the fact that he separated with his wife, got back together and is now separating again means he must have some confusion about what he REALLY wants. The guilt of an affair like this is so painful...I know personally...bc if I could split myself in two I'd be with both my hubs and my bil. He probably doesnt want to actively have an affair with you even though you already have, but when he see's you he cannot control how he feels...which is why he probably distances himself from you to keep those feelings at bay. I mean who wants to destroy their entire family?! NO ONE this is my opinion i hope it helps. but like i said i just think he's really confused...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): i am in love with my brother in law too also having a baby for him. i have my husband and three children so what can i do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): HI
Please dont be childish love is not main thing think about your children and husband. I am telling you this because I am also an flirt and if he had loved you then he would have first married you then do sex and he has not even called you for many days and as you said he only meets you and do those stuff and goes it is only for sex. Think if you husband will know what will happen. So please dont conti this I am telling you as an best friend.
Thanks...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your answers...again I know what would be the right thing to do, and yes I also know it would be a disaster if this comes out YET all I want to do is be with him. I'm letting my heart decide and not my head and in this case it is wrong but like I said I love them both and I only hope I can continue to have them both...for now I am more concern with finding out does he truly love me or is he just "using me"...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): The kind of man who is able to sleep with his brother's wife, regardless of his marriage situation, is certainly not worth loving. You, are worth loving only by that who knows and accept the big picture. You have 1 of 2 choices in order to avoid a disaster, only if you want; blocking the brother in law inside your mind first and also practically, focusing from your husband and marriage. People are not perfect. Your husband is not perfect and you are not as well. Or the other option that has been mentioned by another poster already which is to walk away from both. These are your options. Otherwise the result would be devastating.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): I feel the exact same way about my brother in law and if he would permit it I believe I would also have an affair. Although I do agree with the person who is saying that you are playing with fire, I know that in your situation it must be really hard to just leave him. My brother in law and I have flirted, in fact, I told him on several occasions that I have feelings for him but he has never accepted or denied that he has feelings for me; I believe he hasn't accepted his feelings for me because we have such a great relationship (My husband, My brother in law, and I) and all 3 of us often hang out together and really have fun. But I am miserable all the time because I wish he would talk to me about his feelings, and even though I am an attractive women and I am almost sure he feels the same way I need him to tell me; although, sometimes I feel lucky because I also love my husband and we have been together for 12years and I wouldn't want to have the guilt of an affair. I have also felt attracted to my brother in law for years but it has never affected me, and now I feel like crying every time I think about him, it has only been 3 months since I feel like I can't live without him and I feel like these 3 months have been torture. I know that either way, this is a hopeless situation and I just hope I can get over him because if he does admit his feelings to me I know I will be in your situation because I have really fallen for him. If you can end the affair- power to you because I definitely understand how hard it will be. If you stay together be very careful because you can really hurt all of your family and in the end you could even end up alone. But man o man, I wish I knew how it would be to be with my brother in law :S and I can't believe how much I would risk, I never imagined this or anything similar to this could ever happen to me. But if you feel the same way I do, I know that it just happens out of now where because I didn't plan this- it just hit me one day, bam- And I thought to myself- I am in love with someone else and my brother in law, WTH!! How can this be happening to me? I am not a bad person, I don't want to hurt anyone.. Well, Power to you!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): You should walk away from this and never look back. Regardless of what you are feeling for your brother in law, what you two have done is wrong. You claim that you "love" your husband. When you truly love someone, you do not carry on a 2 year affair with his/her sibling. You resist, deny, run away; anything to get out of the situation. No offense, but I think your perception of love is way off. The fact that you have been married to someone for 11 years is not proof that you love him. The fact that you are sleeping with his brother though, is evidence of the contrary. True love is full of honesty, loyalty, wonder, excitement, and sometimes means sacrificing things you want, but can not have. You should think less about yourself and what YOU want, and more about your husband, and how this would utterly destroy him. If you have any decency, any heart; you will end this immediately. It isn't even worth mentioning to your husband, if you can manage to stop what you have been doing. Telling him would just ruin his life and cause problems within the family. Can you imagine how you might feel if you found out your husband had been having an affair with your sister? You have made a mistake, the way you handle it will determine what you are made of. Do you really want to be the type of person who does this kind of thing? You have it in you to do what is right here. Call it quits. You are playing with fire. I am not trying to get you down. Everyone screws up (I do all the time). I am trying to motivate you to do what is right. Please consider it tough love. I wish people would be this honest with me sometimes. Good luck.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 January 2010):
He is absolutely only using you for sex. He knows trying to get another "just sex" woman is hard as the new woman would either demand committment or money or in the very least he would have to wine and dine her first. Easier for him to get a desperate sitting duck who is low maintenance financially and has a lot to lose herself so she will keep her mouth shut.
You are seeing this as a fairytale romance but let me warn you that when your husband finds out, both brothers will drop you like a hot potato and their entire family will abandon you. I've heard of affairs but this is just plain and simple; evil. End it.
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female
reader, Jays  +, writes (17 January 2010):
maybe he is attracted too you but not in love with you, and he likes you for sex because the fact that your his brothers wife makes it more dangerous and exciting for him. you should have a talk with him and ask questions otherwise you will never know.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): He uses his brother's wife because he knows you are in a pickle and it gives him an excuse as to why it will only be for sex as how would his family accept you cheating on one brother for the other?
Not to judge but I think its selfish of you to use two brothers. You should do the right thing and let your husband know about the affair. It'll likely cost your marriage, but you made that choice.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 January 2010):
 People have affairs for all sorts of reasons. In this case, this affair is far too close to home.
First of all both of you are probably raking yourselves over in guilt and shame over this. Your brother-in-law started his affair with you after he emotionally checked out of his marriage. In his mind, he was in the clear.
You have no intention of leaving your marriage, and so this has to be tearing you apart inside.
Finally, he's returned to his wife, reconciled, and now they're separating again.
Is he using you for sex? Probably not.
What's going on here is that you two are involved in something totally taboo. This is what they call illicit love.
Basically there's a combination of attraction and taboo which makes the affair exciting, challenging and unfortunately dangerous.
The best advice here is to start thinking of your brother in law as just that.
The other thing I see here is that this will tear your husband apart inside. If he's faithful to you, and if he expects you to remain exclusive and faithful to him, having an affair with his brother is totally, totally damaging.
Now you can love many people in life. You can love them for all sorts of reasons. You can love them equally and you can love them in your heart.
My suggestion is that you keep your brother in law tucked into your heart but not under the sheets.
I give you this advice because, sadly, this would destroy him and your husband as brothers; it will destroy your marriage and family; and you will despite all the love you have for both men, harbor a lot of unnecessary pain.
Think of this, if this gets out, you will never be able to have either of these two in your life without there being some kind of damage done.
End it now, stick with your husband and politely tell your brother in law that he needs to find someone else to fill the void. After all if he loves you and your husband, he's going to have to find the strength to move on.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 January 2010):
This is an easy one. He's using you. End of. You're his escape from his marriage. That's it. And how crap a man must he be of he's betraying his wife and his brother? You're just the mistress to him. And actually, I don't think you love him. I think you're kind of using him as an escape from those things you don't like about your husband. Thing is, at some point this will come out. And when it does, your husband will hate you, hate his brother and probably hate the world. If you really love your husband, you will stop this affair and focus on your marriage. If you can't, leave your husband, leave this other guy and travel the world and find out who you are. I can only say one thing. Your husband will find out and get rid of you, and his brother who is using you will get rid of you too. Then you'll have nothing.
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