A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, really need some help, i have now been with my girlfriend for 6 months, i love her to pieces and think out relationship is absolutely amazing. However, i am at uni and she lives back home, during freshers weeks, while very drunk i kissed a few girls, most of which i don't even remember but was told by mates the next day. i have always denied it though when she questioned me. i hate myself for it for doing it and also for lying about it. it is now about 4-5 months since i last cheated, but she started questioning me the other day. i didn't know what to say the guilt is killing me, but i denied it agian, i want to admit to everything but i am scared of losing her. all i want to do is maker her happy, she says i am the best boyfriend she has ever had i treat her so well, i breaking her heart would break mine too, all i want to do is love her and make her happy, and i feel like not telling her would be the best thing, but i want to be able to tell her everything. please help with what i should do..
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 First of all, being drunk is no excuse for kissing random girls. No matter how drunk you are, you cant do something pathetic and blame it on alcohol.Anyway, since the damage is done, if you're ABSOLUTELY sure this wont happen again and from now on you're going to be the best B/f you can be, then dont tell her; instead work on being the best ever. However, if you think there is a possibility that you might slip up and end up hurting her again, then tell her right now and break up with her. Dont let her keep living in a world of illusions. Its your call now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Men ?! ! ? She should dump you because she obviously knows something, that's why she keeps asking you. She's just waiting for you to quit lying.
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A
female
reader, Amdz  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 I personally would prefer being honest in this scenario. If you keep lying to her, your relationship will be nothing but a lie. You will never know if she truly loves you, flaws and all. She will only love the person she thinks you are and not the real you. We all make mistakes. And sometimes our mistakes hurt the people we love a great deal. But there truly isn't a greater pain than knowing the person you trust and have let yourself become vulnerable with and more trusting of as the relationship blossoms has been lying to you. The closer you become the more unbearable the hurt of lying and being lied to will become. You clearly sound like you have a conscience. Meaning I don't think you sound like the type that can bare living with a lie. Best of luck! You never know. This might actually bring the two of you closer together as you work things through. She deserves to be able to make the decision of whether she wants to work his out with you or not.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (19 March 2011):
It was only one month into the relationship when that happened, but I hope it was just pecks and not much more. Otherwise the guilt will eventually eat you out and you might have to confess. Why does she keep questioning you SO much?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Normally, I'm all for being completely honest, but I think in your case if you were going to tell her, you missed your opportunity. My reason for saying that is she has already questioned you multiple times and you lied. If you were to tell her now, not only would she be angry at you for cheating, but also for lying about it. Women absolutely hate being lied to, and will often get angrier about the lies than anything else. So if you don't want your relationship with her to end, I would keep it to yourself. If you were ever going to tell her, you should have called her up and told her about those other women when you first found out you kissed them. I think her initial reaction would have been pretty bad as expected, but over time I think she would have realized that at least you confessed instead of hiding it from her, and she would have forgiven you. It's kind of a good thing you feel guilty about it, though, it shows you really care about her. And as long as you make sure you never do it again, the guilt will eventually fade. I would suggest not getting so drunk in the future as it majorly impairs your judgment. If you were sober, you would never cheat on the woman you love, that makes no sense. So yeah, go easy next time you're at a party. Let this guilt you're feeling from your past escapades be your motivation to have more self control when it comes to drinking. Good luck. @Kilcardy Kissing someone other than your significant other is cheating. You can't justify it by saying it was just "foolish drunkenness" because if you chose to get drunk, then whatever stupid things you did while you're drunk are still your fault since you drank to begin with. Other than that statement, though, I liked what you said.
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A
female
reader, DrDivine +, writes (19 March 2011):
I understand your confusion as what to do. While lying may seem like the best thing to do – you don’t want to hurt her and now that you’ve continually lied not only are you possibly going to hurt her with the initial act, you’ll also hurt her for lying for so long. You sound as if this is really troubling you and I think your guilt will continue to eat away at you. Clearly your guilty conscious is making you act differently if she has started questioning you again. This in my opinion is only going to get worse. At the moment I feel like you are taking the selfish option – you believe that by telling her she will perhaps end the relationship and so you chose to lie in order to keep her – which isn’t really fair. I personally feel that you need to give her the opportunity to make her own decision based on the truth. I know it’s hard and scary but you will feel a sense of relief when you share your secret. Show her the respect she deserves. You sound very considerate and we’ve all made mistakes – hopefully you are both mature to see past some irrelevant drunken kisses. When I have been lied to in the past there is always something that gnaws away at me. Women can pick up on the slightest change in our men’s behaviour. And when the truth is finally admitted I often feel more upset about the amount of time the lie has gone on for rather than the act itself. The longer you leave it the worse it will be.Something’s are best left unsaid and sometimes little white lies are needed. But if it is eating away at you and is causing you to act differently than perhaps the truth is the best thing.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (19 March 2011):
I'm not one of those who believes in telling every little thing. If there's no point to it, other than hurting someone you love, and the confession revolves around something like this where you had a few too many and kissed some girls while drunk (that's not cheating; that's just foolish drunkenness), I'd just let it go (I'm assuming these were quick kisses, no making out type of conduct). If you were doing anything more involved than that, then maybe you need to fess up. Otherwise, I'd just let it go. Make it up to her in other ways. But, you have to recognize that you can't go 'round getting blitzed and sucking face with other women. I'm curious, why is your gf continuing to ask you about this? How does she know to ask? I would feel a bit uncomfortable about lying to someone's face, as opposed to not bringing it up at all. In that instance, I would probably come clean. This episode should be ancient history by now. What aren't you telling us?
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