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I love my gf, but my ex who helped me through so much is back on the scene, what should I do ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *enQ writes:

My girlfriend and I had decided to move in together in September this year, when I move to go to university. We've been together for 7 months, and by September it will be Over a year.

Both of us have had doubts but we came to the conclusion that we love each other and its the right thing to do.

Then suddenly, a girl from my past, a girl I use to be obsessed with came back into my life. In one of the hardest parts of my life, when I was so close to giving up, she was there for me, but she moved away.

Now she's back and I feel the buzz I used to have when I'm with her, and all the doubts about my girl and moving in have came back. We'd move in with another couple, my 2 best friends, so if anything was to happen between us, she'd have moved cities, universities, and changed her life so much.

She says thats what she wants, but I'm so scared.

Also, I told the girl that came back, how much she had helped me, and what I really though about her, and she told me she felt the same, and wished I'd said 2 years ago, when we both felt it.

I love my girlfriend, but with all these new doubts, I'm so confused as to what to do...

I'm sorry for ranting, and going on, I'm just so so confused...

Thanks,

BenQ

(19, M)

View related questions: best friend, my ex, university

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A male reader, BenQ United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2007):

BenQ is verified as being by the original poster of the question

BenQ agony auntShe wasn't my ex, I always had feelings for her, but she was one of the pretty popular people in school, and i... wasnt?

I want to be my girlfriend, I really love her, it's just the worry that if something happens, then she has lost so much, I've ruined her life...

I'd gotten rid of my doubts, until the girl from the past came back, and when I told her I cared about her, she told me she had cared too.

I was confused, what could have been, how different life would be.

The real question is, At 19, moving in with my girlfriend after over a year, is it selfish, as my life won't change if things go bad, but her's will be destroyed.

I love her too much to hurt her.

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A female reader, aunty t Ireland +, writes (9 March 2007):

aunty t agony auntI would not under any circumstances let your girlfriend move in with you if you have any doubts at all. She would be giving everything up for this relationship and you knowing how you feel about this other girl should not let her go through with it. So what if she moves in and you get together with this other girl what then. Plus you will have the added stress of telling her there is someone else. No matter how bad you are feeling now it would be nothing to what you would be feeling then. Be honest tell your girlfriend your not ready which you are clearly not and that you need some space. Sort your head out make a decision if you love this other girl then maybe give it a go.

Good luck

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