A
female
age
41-50,
*oami
writes:Hello - I wonder if somone can advise me:I have recently started some dance classes. At the beginning the thought of getting into a relationship with the teacher there did not cross my mind. However I am now getting distint vibes that he likes me - he has been making a lot eye contact and he seems to get very jealous if I dance with participants in the group (which I am supposed be doing) and goes to great efforts to interupt that.I guess I am very flattered and he seems to be such a lovely, vibrant person with a fantistic personality - I am finding myself falling for him as well.I am a little confused ahout the whole issue and how to proceed. One thing for a little concern is that he keeps making references to being gay evey now and then. The other things is that there are times when he ignores me completely while dancing and sometimes even flirting with other women and men. He is also between 20 and 30 years older than me.I really do like him. I have never really had a proper relationship with anyone before so it would be lovely if I were able to form one, but I am not entirely sure I have identified the right person - I seem to make a habit of that.ThanksRoami
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female
reader, JulietteElise  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 If he says he is gay, please belive this. Many more outgoing and somewhat sterotypical gay men are very flirty with girls, but more as a fun thing to do or as part of friendship, or just how they are. The fact that he flirts with other girls in the class, and other men, seems to suggest to me, at least, that he is just like this, or likes makeing his students feel more confident. I think that if he was intrested in you sexualy, he wouldn't be telling you he is gay. No man that wants to have sex with a girl will tell that girl he is gay. It just wouldn't make any sense. He could potentialy be bisexual, but.... i kind of doubt it. I know this isn't what you want to hear at all, so i am very sorry, but i don't want to see you get hurt or very emberreshed at the least wich would make classes awkward. If he wanted to pursue a realtionship with you, he would ask you out for he seems to be outgoing enough. He is also a considerable amount older then you, and though i don't belive age matters in a relationship if both people are legal and mature and willing, it does put a bit of a barrier on some things and being able to relate to eachother, but since you say you are in your 30's this won't be as much of an issue for you most likely. as for the getting jelouse when you dance with others..... are you sure this is what is really happening? I would suggest enlisting a friend in your class to give you their opinion on this matter... thats what friends are for! haha. however.... what does he do when he intrupts you and your partner? is it to dance with you himself instead?... or to correct something in the dance techiniques of one of you? If its the latter... i don't think its jelousey.... its just trying to correct things. But like i said, ask some other people in your class their opinions of this. Also... a lot of people make eye contact, i know i always do, and teachers esspicaly will. You said you always seem to fall for the wrong people... or soemthing along those lines... and well... i think this might be one of those people. If he wasn't saying he was gay, and esspically if he only flirted with you i'd say go for it, but those are both huge factors to me that seem to say he might like you as a potential firend, but is not someone to have a romantic relationship with. I'm sorry... i know this is not what you wanted to hear so i do hope you are not upset, i just don't belive this to be soemthing that would work out. And if he wasn't gay and truley did fancy you, he would tell you so... but the "gay" thing is just something a person cannot change. But don't worry... overall its very common to fall for teachers or instructers, etc. Belive me.... i fall for my epee fencing teacher too.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 March 2007):
 It does sound like this guy likes you, he is giving you the classic signs like the eye contact, and getting jealous if you dance with other other participants. Althouth this is very odd that he should make refrences about gay issues to you, what kind of things does he say to you.
Keep going to your dance classes, build up a rapport with this guy, even some light flirting. When you feel the time is right, and you feel its all going well ask him if he fancies going out one night.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 March 2007):
 Is he married at all? What kind of references does he make about being gay?
Eve
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 He is sending you very confusing signals which I would be a bit concerned about. Twenty to thirty years older than you is a major gap. If you have not had much experience with relationships I would possibly try and avoid this one. You say he gets jealous of you dancing with other people in the class, this would worry me. Are you falling for him as a person or the fact that he flatters you. To be honest i think you should try and steer well clear of this one. Continue with your class and dance with who you want and try and hook up with someone in your own age group.
Aunty t
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