A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you break up with someone, after being in love, without destroying them?They still feel it for you as strong as ever, and you still love and care about them, and don't want to hurt them...?TaMuch Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm seeing her tomorrow, I'll talk about it then.
Thank you all for your help.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 March 2007):
 Then tell her that. "Things have change, WE'VE changed, we're not the same people any more." That is one of the reasons we go into a relationship with someone, to find out if we're compatible and with time, you've obviously seen that although she's nice, she's NOT for you.
I agree it's better to do it face to face than over the phone. She will be upset but that can't be helped and she'll be fine with time. Better to get it over and done with sooner rather than spend weeks, months together knowing how you really feel.
Go on, be assertive, take the initiative here and just tell her! You might be surprised at her response.
Eve
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI could never break up on the phone.
I'd do it face to face if had to.
I just don't think I am strong enough to look her in the eyes and say that it's over.
I do love her, but things have changed, and we aren't the same people any more.
*sigh* - Confused.
...............................
A
male
reader, boobooboots +, writes (9 March 2007):
Do you think it's ok to break up over the phone if you've tried face to face, and your partner refuses to accept your decision and wants to have 'one more try' or 'to try councilling' etc etc.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): As 'Aunty T' says, there is no easy way of breaking up a relationship. First off, if you are breaking up with your gf it is of critical importance that you remember two things; be kind to yourself and be kind to your gf.
You both had feelings for each other at one point, and maybe you still do. The key is to do it maturely, without deliberate pain, so that you can both move on with your lives.
And understand, a relationship really needs two fully committed people, so if one of you doesn't want to be in the relationship any more, it's best for 'both'of you to end it. That's the key message to get across and please, whatever happens, refuse to get into lots of blame-finding. There is always fault on both sides in a relationship that fails. Make sure you sit down face to face somewhere quiet. Never break up over the phone or via email, that's completely unfair. A relationship is based on trust and dependability-please don't prove you're unworthy of that in the final hour. Sit down and explain it's not going to work. If your partner has questions, answer them as fairly as you can, but without going into lots of fault-finding. It's about you both being able to find "closure" to this relationship so you are able to then move on to a new one.
Good luck, dear and take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 March 2007):
The best thing to do is sit down and talk to them. Tell them that you like and respect them as a person but it just isn't working out, you see them more as a friend that a lover. Here is a link that will help you too.
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-up-With-Someone-Using-Style-and-Sensitivity
I hope this helps. She'll get over it with time, the sooner you tell her though, the sooner you'll both be able to move on and fine someone who IS right for you. At least this way you're being honest with her and she will respect you for that once her head clears.
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (9 March 2007):
 There is no easy way of breakig up with someone without hurting them. Its part of life and most of us will experience at some stage. The main thing you can do is to be sensitive and honest and tell her that you would like at some stage maybe not now to be friends in the future. It is very admirable that you are so worried about hurting her so if its what you really want to do dont put it off as it wont be any easier tomorrow.
Aunty t
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): Just be honest - its never easy breaking up with some one. Tell them that you still care about them, that you don't love them in the way that they love you! That you care for them more as a friend... But I agree with Bella - it sounds as if you want some one to confirm your feelings and reasons behind the break up too!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (9 March 2007):
Thats exactly what you say to her. There is no way in skipping the heartbreak stuff. Its there for a purpose. Its part of the learning and making you stronger process in life. Let her know that you still care but that you want to go your own way, be upfront and honest but dont be insensitive. Are you 100% sure you want to break up with her? I sense some indecisiveness.
...............................
|
