A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy have been friends for ages and we both decided to be friends with benefits he is 3 years older than me, anyway i was supposed to see him on a certain night but i couldn't get to him so i told him and he got sorta ignorant with me, the next day i heard he was flirting with different girls at the party it absolutely broke my heart i cried for ages so i decided to text him and confront him about it he denied it and said it might have looked that way but he actually wasn't flirting then i asked him were we stand and he said were we always stood i asked him if he had feelings for me and he said ya.. but i need to know what i should do i really love him.. please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Oh, dear. Firstly, you're way too young to be having casual sex. Second, do you actually know what "friends with benefits" means? It means no strings attached NO FEELINGS sex. That's it. This guy is free to flirt with who he likes because you're not in a relationship.
You have feelings for him but he doesn't feel the same. If he did you would be his girlfriend and not his sex buddy. I'm sorry because i know it hurts but you need to end it because all you are to him is a girl he occasionally has an orgasm with. Harsh i know but that's all you are to him.
A
female
reader, Y_v +, writes (27 June 2011):
 I'm sorry but you should know that having a FWB means that you've agreed to the fact that you're not going to be the only girl in his world.
:| If you didn't know that, break it off now because it will hurt in the long-term. You've got to be quite laid back and confident if you want FWBs... :/
It's best to try and break it off because you don't want to be confusing him with something that he didn't agree on.
Hope this helps x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): Friends with benefits is exactly that. Once feelings come into that equation FWB usually end as thats the agreement you are making when you decide to go ahead with it.
Tell him how you feel and see if he wants to be exclusive to you and you only or suffer the consequences of maybe losing him by revealing that you like him more than a friend.
Once feelings come into play FWB usually end as somebody will get jealous or acting like its a relationship.
But to be fair, you cant go demanding anything from him and you cant be telling him off for flirting with other girls he is single after all and so are you, unless you both decide to try and make it work as a couple.
If he doesn't want a relationship then you will have to either accept that or move on to someone else.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Do you know what FWB means? It means friends with benefits - i.e. friends who have sex, friends who dont want to be together romantically but enjoy sex together because it is convenient. This is what you agreed to - so you should not be surprised that he is with other girls, because FWB is by no means exclusive! He can date and flirt with whoever he wants, you're not his girlfriend and he is allowed to do what he wants with who he wants. I think what you need to do now is end this FWB arrangement that you have - your feelings for him are far stronger than what he feels for you, so time to let go before you get hurt again. A FWB is not a relationship and never will turn into a relationship, if he wanted you to be his girlfriend he would have asked ages ago, rather than just wanting to be FWB. So let him go, you are far too attached to him and he doesnt feel the same way. If you cling onto this FWB it will only hurt more, he will keep on flirting with other girls because he is still technically single and he can if he wants - dont put yourself through this pain.And save yourself next time for a guy who actually loves you, rather than cheaply giving yourself away to some guy who is just about for a bit of fun. If you refrain from having sex with a guy chances are he will have more respect for you than if you are happy to have casual sex with him - girls who go around having casual sex and FWB relationships are not often seen as girlfriend material by guys. So try and save yourself for someone who really cares next time, this guy is not looking for a relationship and he was just with you for the sex. Sorry to be blunt but FWB relationships never work out well unless both parties only want friendship and nothing more. When one person has feelings for the other, it is a recipe for disaster as you have found out the hard way. I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Well, FWB means friends with benefits. This basically means that he can flirt with anyone, sleep with anyone, and do anything with anyone he feels like. Friends with benefits simply means that the two of you have "no strings attached" sex whenever you feel like it, and there is absolutely no obligations or illusions of attachment.
Sounds like you have feelings for him. You say you love him. You shouldn't be in a FWB situation, or you are going to get really hurt. You need to talk to him and establish an exclusive relationship status and not just FWB, or you have no reason to confront him about anything he does.
Don't ask him where you stand. Ask him for a different way to stand, as in a relationship. Girlfriend and boyfriend. Mutual accountability and love and feelings. Otherwise, you're going to be hurt a lot more than you are now.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Then you are done with your FWB's program. FWB's means NO STRINGS ATTACHED, no committmends, no fidelity.
You got jealous, which means you are attached emotionally.
Being a FWB's situation with this guy will only hurt you more.
If you are looking to go from FWB's with him to a relationship where you are his one and only...speak up!
He does have feelings too and you asked him where you stand and he said nothing has changed. (You are standing where you always stood).
He may not be willing/ready to enter a relationship, when a FWB works just fine for him.
Maybe it is time to reconsider that FWB situations are not best for YOU.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (27 June 2011):
This is often what happens to friends with benefits, one ends up falling for the other and can often end up messy.
He can flirt with who he likes as you're not going out, you're just friends with benefits.
If you want more, you have to ask him outright. If he wants the same, you become a couple, if he doesn't you just have to accept that.
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