A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. when we first started going out, things were great, but things have been going downhill for a while now. Im 22, hes 23, we dont live together or have kids (thank god), i honestly can't remember the last time we actually went out on a date together, when we do make plans to go out, they all seem to go wrong, either because of lack of money or because he decides hes gotta invite his mates along as well, or sometimes he just changes his mind at the last minute and decides he doesnt really wanna go but just tells me he's too tired to go out. we only end up having sex about once a month if im lucky, and when it does happen its usually initiated by me just before we go to sleep. on the rare occasions he initiates it, it feels kinda forced, like he cant really be bothered to try (if you know what i mean). I dont seem to get a lot of basic physical affection from him these days unless i ask for it or unless he can see im upset about something. i can tell he's always been fairly popular and never had too much of a problem making friends or attracting female attention, as hes a good looking bloke and seems to get on easily with pretty much everyone. i, on the other hand, always had the exact opposite situation to deal with when i was growing up. he keeps telling me stuff about his ex-girlfriends that i dont really want to hear and i know he's still in contact with a few of them. i dont believe for a minute that he's cheating on me, mainly because he now lives 150 miles away from where he used to live, but when he tells me things i still manage to feel completely inferior somehow.we met when we were both at really low points in our lives and our mutual best mate has always been between us - a few years ago our mate admitted to having feelings for me but i made him completely aware that id only ever want him as a friend, nothing more. the matter has been more or less forgotten since and our friendship has always been good. However, my boyfriend occasionally makes reference to this time and it seems to bother him although both me and our friend have reassured him several times that we're well past that. whenever a discussion between me and my boyfriend steers towards our mate and his old feelings we end up arguing.im at my wits end. i havent been able to sleep properly for at least a year, i dont feel comfortable discussing this with anyone i know, ive tried dropping hints to my boyfriend about certain things but he just doesnt seem to notice... i love both my boyfriend and best mate dearly (in different ways) and dont want to lose either of them... what the heck should i do??????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): u should tell ur friend that thats all you want to be is mates and that you have a boyfriend that u love. tell your mate that you love him but not the way he wants needs. but break it down to him gently
A
female
reader, SexKitten69 +, writes (10 March 2007):
 Hi there,..... phew what a question! Personally i think if the situation is getting to you that much you need to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him just what is going on in your mind! Fellas are a bit silly when it comes to picking up hints.Explain to him how much you care for him and that you BOTH need to make efforts to get out with each other as a couple, there are plenty of things too do if there is cash flow problems, walk in the park/pinic, go swimming together or just even have a big bubble bath with each other!The situation can only be addressed if you actually tell your boyfrind whats on your mind. He says that he doesn't like the situation with your friend having feelings for you be reasure him that you have set your friend straight on the way you feel for him, then again if your boyfriend doesn't like you having this 'mate' i'm sure that you need to tell him that you don't like him still being in contact with his ex girlfriends!Try spicing up your sex life maybe ask him his turn ons and act them out for him or even get some sexy underware.Hope this helps, i know it is easier said than done.Regards xxPlease rate this advice
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 I think your relationship has gone stale and you are both stuck in a rut. When we are in relationships for a long period of time you get so used to each other. But you seem to be making all the effort. Relationships need work to keep going strong and if he isnt bothered then you have a problem. He is giving absolutely nothing to you in terms of love and affection and this is what you need. I think you should have this out with him. I would arrange a meeting in a public place and bring all your feelings out into the open. You seem 100% committed to this relationship but i dont think he is. Dropping hints has not worked so you have to give it to him full on. Ask him is he bored with you and the relationship and does he want to keep going out with you. If he says he wants to continue seeing you then you have to ask him to make more of an effort. If he doesnt make any effort to change things then you have to decide to continue like this or move on.
Best of luck
Aunty t
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