A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend more than anything and i know he loves me to however he can be really childish and he has a bad temper last night he hit me only on my leg but still he hit me. he has alot of problems at home at the minute, should i end it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2008):
When we are young, we can have great ideals .
We can say we will not abuse anyone or hit any woman/man.
But in real life, it is not so black and white.
We can judge and condemned men or women who hit their wives or g'f or b/f's or husbands .
But do you really understand why some men/women acted that way?
Are you married or in a serious relationship?
Do you know the stress and problems in a married life?
If you have not experienced under those same conditions ,
you will never understand why some men/women hit their wives/husbands..
Everyone of us has a tolerance level and breaking point.
If we are provoked beyond this point, there is no saying what will happen to a man/woman.
He/she can go ‘berserk or amok ‘and he/she cannot control
his/her emotions and which can lead to violence.
He/she is no more himself/herself and the devil is in the control.
Women should be wise and know when to shut their mouth.
When your husband is very agitated, stop, or you will make him jumped over the cliff.
Don't continue to hurl verbal abuses and incessant taunts or non stop naggings.
A man is not wired like women who can expressed her emotional feelings.
The man cannot express well in reply and will resort to
violence, the only way he knows, to win or shut up the woman.
You can't win any arguments with him when his mind is in
overdrive and it can only lead to violence against you.
He has no intentions of hitting you but you went beyond his
tolerance level and he is no more in control of his emotions.
When your husband or b/f raises his voice in any tiff,
it is a warning level….Don't go beyond the speed
limit….change topics or keep quiet.
Be patient ,wait for a better time to talk over it again when he is in a happier mood
In the same way, women have been known to retaliate
physically against their bf’s /husbands.
Some of us cannot control our anger or rage. When certain
sensitive points are raised , we flew into a rage and hit
out without thinking.After that we regret our actions, too late.
I don't condone violence but try to understand that we are only human .
Do not always blame the men for sometimes it is caused by the women too.
It takes two hand to clap and make a sound.
You need to know where is his sensitive zones and do not press his ballistic buttons.
I am no expert and this is my own personal opinions based on my experience only.
You may accept, reject or agree or disagree with me.
A
female
reader, sweetuffy23  +, writes (14 April 2008):
You know most women get caught in the middle of love and abuse.I never experienced this but I seen this happen to a family member.The first time he apologize and says he'll never do it again but reality is he will.And it is best to get out of the relationship when it first start.Because by staying you let him know that nothing even abusing can tear ya apart.So it will continue.It must be very hard but its the only way you can save at least a future friendship with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): The only possible excuse is genuine self defense and since you weren't trying to kill him then NO that or anything else isn't a good enough excuse.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi,
The trouble with this sort of behaviour is that if you dont end it, you are more or less excepting that it's ok to hit you. Has he ever done this to you or anyone else before?
He needs to get some help, to learn to curb his temper. If he is only as young as you, he can change. But have nothing to do with him until he does. It doesnt matter what he is going through at home, hitting a woman is not exceptable.
Why should you be a punch bag, as the other Aunts have already said.
XX
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (14 April 2008):
 LOVE ME OR I'LL BEAT YOU LIKE I BEAT THE KIDS
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A
female
reader, sarah_s +, writes (14 April 2008):
 If he didn't mean it literally give him a warning. Although, there is no excuse for hitting a person espiecally, a lover out of rage because, he has personal problems at the moment. Give him space for a while until his issues are sorted and calmed down. If he is morally a person that has a bad temper then you have to be careful otherwise, it'll just repeat the cycle. Otherwise, end it if it get's worst.
Best wishes. Sarah.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Quite how anyone can declare their love for someone, yet without provocation be violent towards them, is beyond my understanding.
If I were you I'd end it before it gets any worse - which it probably will if you do nothing about it. Violence is completely unacceptable in any shape or form, and I would suggest he doesn't love you quite as much as you think he does.
Then you can find yourself a nice boy who isn't violent or childish and has other issues to deal with that ultimately have adverse effects on you.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Sweetheart listen to Mandy7 she is a good friend of mine and she has a lot more experience in life than you.
I would never stay in a relationship with anyone who became violent, there is never an excuse. No matter whether he is having problems at home or what, you are not experienced enough in life to sort him out, he needs counselling or someone to listen to his problems, may be a teacher or doctor or someone along those lines.
His parents should also realise what affect his home life is having on him.
Don't try to fix this yourself get out now before it is too late, next time he could use more than his hand and then it is too late.
Tell him that you want to remain friends if you want but keep contact at a distance i.e. text or something, at least this way it will soften the blow to his ego.
Don't listen to his promises that he will never do it again, a leopard never changes his spots so be very very wary and you are going to come into contact with him again make sure you have some friends or family around you.
Take care sweetheart and hope he gets the help he needs but unfortunately right now you have to be a little selfish and put your own needs first and your safety OK.
BFN
Country Woman
P.S. We are all here any time for you OK, don't be afraid to talk to any of us about anything.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (14 April 2008):
You should give him a warning to control his anger and not to hit you.
I think it would be fair to him because sometimes he may lose
control because of his anger.
This is my opinions only and it is up to you whether you are
gracious enough to give him another chance.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi sweetheart, no matter what the excuse, he should not lay a hand on you. There is no excuse that excuses anyone for hitting another person and i believe he needs some help, if he has problems controlling his anger, he needs proper counselling to get to the route of this problem as to why he needs to lash out and to discuss with a professional the problems he is having at home, you should not be the one to suffer because of this.You just make sure you protect yourself and take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Hi Hunny
There is no excuse for violent behaviour, He shouldnt not take out the problems at home on you sweetheart..Next time it could be a punch in the face if he is stressed. He needs help hunny with these problems, You dont need to be the punch bag love PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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