A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner now for two years. he has 2 kids from a previous marraige, i have 2 but they are grown up and at uni.i had them young and my marriage didnt work out, i brought them up on my own. I have moved in with him into his house and spend all my time with his kids. i do everything for them and we get on well. i would love to have another child before its too late with this man as i love im with all my heart and its someting i have always dreamed of but nevr met the right person.I have discussed this with him on a few occasions but he said he dotes on his kids and wants to do other things in life. I brought this up the other night with him and he simply said that if its what i want we should go our seperate ways. i know it sounds awful but im beggining to resent his kids a little now and doing things for them and rying to make him happy. its his choice i know and i love him too much to leave. has anyone made this desision and resented him later. please advise. i know its a tough one.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): Hello,Firstly: Did you not discuss all this BEFORE you moved in with him? If you did, and he told you he didn't want anymore children, then why did you move in knowing this. Aren't you perhaps overlooking what a great relationship, or you could have with this man, if your pre-occupation with becoming a mother again at ( 41-50) which is not exactly in the first bloom of youth to be having children.Resenting children is not good, and IF you really have reached this stage, you can be sure not only will his children notice, and feel this, but so will your partner. I would have thought you were at age where having more children was not ideal, at best if you're 41 now, you would be 62-63 when he or she was 20, and of course you could be older, which should be given VERY, VERY serious thought,with all implications with older pregnancies etc. Why not enjoy what you have, love with a good man, the joy of his children, and the fact you have already got two lovely children of your own. And from what you say, he has made it clear he does not want more children, which is not unreasonable in one's forties, with a family already. But if that is not enough for you, then you should leave, only please don't be resentful towards innocent children. I hope you can resolve this..I know a difficult one, but please consider what you could be letting go, if you decide motherhood is more important that what you have now!Jilly x
A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (11 June 2010):
 Hello. If hes always made his position clear you have to respect that. Many many people look forward to the time when their children are grown and they can start a new chapter in life, doing the things they want to do. During their second bloom they enjoy being grandparents. All the fun of kids, none of the worry! Alot say its even better than being a parent! If this is his life plan and youve always known that, it will only change if you trick him into fatherhood. I have a feeling you arent the type that would do that. It would only bring resentment if you did. Im sorry his views on this arent going to change. Its natural to want children with someone you love. But if hes made it clear this isnt for him and its making you unhappy, he might not be the right man for you. Staying with him and rearing his children will only lead you to regrets later, when you leave your child bearing years. So i would give it a little more time. And if hes still adamant and you are unhappy, it might be best to part.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): Sorry if this offends, but surely if you are in the 41-50 age group have you thought about the fact that you will be between 61-70 when your child is 20 yrs old?
Do you really want to have to go through the whole education and bringing up a child saga?
If you love this man, accept his kids as if they were yours, if you cannot do that and are starting to resent the kids and him then time to hit the road.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 June 2010):
It's time to end this now. You're already resenting his kids, if you're feeling that way already, you can be sure you will really resent him even more in the future. He doesn't want anymore kids, and you do. So it's a disaster waiting to happen.
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