A
female
age
30-35,
*irstie-Blondie
writes:my problem will probably appear very mixed up and contradictory. But i'm saying this from my own experience from my boyfriend of 15months. Since around 4 months ago, me and my boyfriends relationship deteriorated slightly, many arguments came and he felt it was me causing all the arguments, when really, its him. He has a slight anger problem, and he can never see his own faults. I want to start by saying, i really feel that I do love him so much, even though there are so many flaws in our relationship, and many people often ask why do I stay with him, or why are we even together when a lot of the time we are arguing. I cant myself work out whether I really do love him for him, or whether I'm hanging on to somthing scared nobody will ever love me the way he does again, as he is my first serious relationship which the words "i love you" have been used.When we are good, we are really good and we have such a good connection, however, when it goes bad, its terrible. I have cheated on him in the past 4 months with 6 different people, ranging from a kiss to sleeping with someone. It is completely out of my character, and when I talked to my sister about it, she said she thinks I am trying to make myself feel better, as he does treat me quite bad sometimes. I know for a fact if me and him were happy most of the time and got out of this dark period, I would not feel the need to cheat on him at all. In a way I feel I am doing it to bring back my self confidence, and when I have the attention of another guy, my boyfriend isnt on my mind and I feel better about the situation. I also feel he may be cheating on me, although there isn't any evidence, just in the past 2 weeks, I feel he has been acting out of character, acting really happy for no reason, he has had a new job for the past 2 months, which I got for him... and there is a girl who works there, the same age as him. and I know hes not used to getting any other female attention, and although I know nothing about this girl, I just have a really horrible feeling that there is something going on. Maybe its me being paranoid because of all the bad things I've done? But im not oblivious to the fact that he is acting off with me, and treating me like he doesnt care anymore.All i ideally want is for me and him to get back to the love and happiness we had before this period, I dont want to cheat on him, but when he treats me like this, I find myself looking for others to comfort me. Relationships are based on honesty and trust, and after countless talks with him about how we can be happy, and me trying to say to him maybe its not just me that has issues its him, he cant face the fact and it just causes more arguments. I know i love him a lot, and I really dont want to lose him, I just wish things were different. I cant console what I have done, and I do feel bad after I do it, and when we are happy I could just break down in tears about what I have done, I have no feelings for these guys, and I'd hope he wouldnt cheat on me, however hypocritical it sounds.He isnt bad all of the time, Although he is very jealous and protective over me, I kind of liek it because it shows he does care, I just wish it was all of the time, to me its the little things that mean the most.
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confidence, jealous, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (18 May 2009):
 It is the easiest way to get attention when its lacking in a relationship from other men, and kissin and sex is the quickest but not the best, do you really love him? or you afraid of being on your own?
When you cheat do you feel guilt or can you just be yourself again around him? I think its best to end it and find out why you go to other men when you have problems in your current relationship! If the relationship is not good why waste time in it! Maybe its time to be on your own for a while find out what you really want!
A
male
reader, Prophet7  +, writes (18 May 2009):
You need to decide if you want to work with him to restore your bond. Stop looking for attention elsewhere it'll just make matters at home worse at home. I'm not going to say leave him right now but give it a chance. Just because things are a little rough now doesn't mean it can't turn around for the better. How would you feel if he did what you're doing to him? You don't have to answer that because I already know the answer, it would break your heart. Clean up your act and decide if you want to try and repair your relationship. If you wanna hook-up with others for meaningless sex you should let your bf go. Try to talk with him again about things you both need to work on. If he keeps acting as if he is "perfect" maybe you need to end things so you both can find others you are more compatible with. Hope my advice helps you. God Bless... Prophet7
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 May 2009):
Sometimes you just have to accept that things are dead.
You KNOW this relationship is not going to get back to what it was. You KNOW that.
That is why you feel like you need to move on and go to other people.
Some relationships just don't work, so even if you used to love him, even if you care about him, you are not in love with him now or you wouldn't be out kissing / having sex with other people. It just doesn't work like that.
Stop wishing for your past.
Leave this guy alone and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, shady2012 +, writes (17 May 2009):
 First of all you need to stop blaming it on him. it takes two to tango, is as real as it gets. You say RELATIONSHIPS ARE BASED ON HONESTY AND TRUST!! You've been cheating on him with 6 different people for 4 months!!!! and you expect him to be cheating when your the problem. you obviously think your too good for him, so do him the favor and yourself and do something about it. girls usually have the over view, you just need to guide him. you need to understand that and do it or end it forever. this is going to effect your future relationships if you just breeze through it without a care. seriously life is simple, relationships are simpler. you find someone you want to be with and you become each others bestfriends, talk about feelings laugh cry, and its just to share your company with, not what others say. im sure your a nice girl deep inside but cheating? and letting others tell you what to do arent the case. you need to make this happen or break it, good luck
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