A
female
age
36-40,
*he secret
writes:i don't if i'm going crazy or if whats happening is normal.my bf and i have been datin for a year and a half and i love him so much but there is only one problem i can't forget what he did in the past.he played me and made me feel like i'm not good enough for him ok yes he has changed and i know that but when i'm alone i just want to cry and vanish because i keep thinkin about this one girl he played me with.the day i found out about the girl i asked him to dump her but he said no because he loves her and maybe i should go since im not needed anymore,he went on about how better the girl is and how much they have grown together so i left but he came back and we fixed things ever since he has been a darling.i love my bf i don't want to lose him because of some past that haunts me.am i going crazy?help me i feel alone and sometimes i just want to die,,,how can i get over this?do i need help or is it normal? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, cant stand this  +, writes (17 May 2009):
It all depends on how geniune of a man your boyfriend truly is. I was in a ten year relationship where all I did was cheat, she wa doing it as well all along. I personally feel, that once you've crossed the line of disrespect and deciet...thats it. You can never come back. Like I said it depends on how geniune of a man your boyfriend is, but I know, now that if I do the same things I did in the past...I might as well hang up the gloves myself even if she never finds out. I'll know the relationship has now ended, Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): I think it is understandable that you are upset about what happened. Your boyfriend said some hurtful things to you, and it must have affected you. I am sorry you are in so much pain right now.
Iy sounds to me like what happened in the past has never been resolved. Have you and your boyfriend ever talked about what happened? Does he know how much it all upset you, and still does? Maybe he isn't aware, and thinks everything is fine. I would suggest talking to him about this if you feel able to.
If this is making you feel so bad though, then I wonder whether he is really the right person for you. You say you feel like you want to die because of this, and if someone is capable of making you feel so bad, then that is concerning. Do you forgive him for what happened in the past? Do you trust him now? Are you angry with him, would you like him to apologise for how he treated you, or does part of you blame yourself?
I think you really need to think about this situation and about him, and whether you really feel comfortable and happy being with him anymore. It also depends on whether you feel able to try and work through these things together. If you start to feel too bad though, then please tell someone and get support.
Good luck, I hope things start to improve for you. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Oh wow, you took him back after he did that and said that to you? Umm...why would you do that? Even your own subconciouse is telling you that you should not have done that! Now you can not heal from the pain of that experience properly. You need time and you need to be away from him. And at your young age why are you still wasting your time with a guy who dismissed you as "not needed anymore"? You are currently convinient to him and easy enough for him to have around and manipulate and do the things he needs/wants you to. But the past will repeat it's self. He WILL cheat and he WILL hurt you again. It's in his blood. No one is as important to this guy as his own self! But you know that, you will probably forgive him again cause "he is so sweet and you love him". Whatever, stop wasting our time. You know you shouldn't be with this guy. Think with your logical mind and not your blind foolish heart. People can only use you if you let them. End it know or live with the pain of what he did and said and the worry, every day, that he will soon be doing this again. Because of course, HE WILL (duh) so you better just get used to it if you dont have the guts and self respect to dump him and move on.
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