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female
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anonymous
writes: hi,I am in a turmoil.I have been with my current boyfriend for about 3 years on and off.I'm 17 and going to university in september, about 2 hours from where i live now. I know that you will all probably start having a go at me, but i have cheated on him with other guys yet i truly do love him. He adores me and is the 'perfect' boyfiend so why the hell do i want to cheat on him?I know its so unfair and i'm such a cow, but does it mean that i cant love him if i can cheat on him?Ideally, as unfair as it sounds, i would go to university and then settle down with him when i came back, i really feel as if i could marry him, but pine for some fun first!if i finished with him, i just know i would never find any1 like him!I get loads of attention from other guys and its so hard to resist temptation,but i know i cant have my cake and eat it it. Plz dnt start avin a go at me. i just need some advice.thanx guys.x
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female
reader, twogirlsonebody  +, writes (30 July 2010):
Anonymous,
I'm a 16 year old going through exactly the same thing.
as soon as i read this question i freaked, because i never knew there was anyone out there who would understand me ..
ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months now. and EVERYONE at school knows us at the"perfect" couple. i love him so much and i plan to spend the rest of my life with him... but i have and continue to cheat on him :"( since the beginning of the relationship ive been unfaithful. ive talked to many people about my problem mostly my best friends and mom and they all giv eme pointless advice like( if you really loved him you wouldnt cheat on him) and (if u really love him you should break up with him so you can stop hurting him) ive tried breaking up with him so i can sstop hurting him and he can be happy without me.... but i couldnt live.. hes my other half basically without him im dead.. he knows i have cheated on him before adnd it tears him apart everyday of our lives. but the thing that kills me is he doesnt even know 1/4 of the mess ive done to him..
bottom line the way i try and see our reason for cheating. is we are still very young girls and we fell in love at a very young age.. we want to be with these guys for the rest of our lives but we sorta just want them to wait there till were readyy. i know what we do is wrong. but at least we are aware of our actions. i say its ok just dont get caught and when the time is right we will settle down and jsut be with OUR soulmates. this is just a phase and it will pass. we are just kids doing everything girls our age do..
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (10 August 2006):
Don't kid yourself, you don't love the guy, you just like the security of having him there to go back to once you've had your fun. How will it be any different in the future or would you keep cheating on him and making him a fool? Do him a favour, finish with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): i would say that you should make a list of all the good things he has done for you and see if they make you feel more in love withg him 17 is a good age to be in love i would say as my bf just proposed to me you can be really happy if you believe in yourself not to cheat agian if he knows you have cheated and isnt bringing it up in arguements doesnt that mean he loves you trust ur instinits. love you and good luck!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2006): That you can't seem to commit to one person just yet is probably commendable. You are only 17 and inquisitive about life (as any normal person should be). If you've got this same problem 15 years from now, then it might be a problem. Until then, don't be too concerned.
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A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Just because he might be the 'perfect boyfriend' doesnt mean that you are right for each other, or that you are right for each other. If you feel that you cannot be faitful to him, then end it, try to end it amicably so you can still be friends, and then if you find a couple years down the line that he is still special to you, maybe the time will be right then. You are too young to be worrying about losing 'a good catch'.
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A
female
reader, dr good advice +, writes (23 March 2006):
just finish with him, its the only way that you are gonna be fair to him, you say you get tempted to cheat, well you will probably find that these feelings will become stronger especially as you are starting university, where you will be seeing new faces, meeting new friends. i think maybe you started too young in this relationship, reasons why you are tempted now to cheet, its quite obvious you are not ready to settle down so do the right thing for your b/f and for yourself and thats to split, you may feel my advice sounds a little harsh bu trust in the long run you will realise it was the right decision to make. remember this if you dont split and end up cheating on your b/f, i cant tell you how much heartache this would cause. be fair. good luck.
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A
female
reader, twiggie_04 +, writes (23 March 2006):
 i have also cheated before and still oved the person i am with but why not spice up the relationship a bit more my bf at this moment no's that i am going to collage he dosent like the fact but i have told him that i wont cheat on him. the best thing to do is if you think you might cheat on him whilst you are in college why not have some time apart and get to no the people n the college if you feel that you will cheat on him call it off but be nice you may be hurt but if you truly love him you wont wont to hurt him if you do feel that you arnt going to cheat on him stay with him and visit him but remember that burning candle can go out any time all my love twiggieXxX
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A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (23 March 2006):
 I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent. I say that because I know how you feel, up until the point of cheating. You see I didn't cheat on my ex so I don't know how to answer that bit. But I can understand other bits you are saying...
I know how it feels to meet someone who you love and just know you could spend you ADULT life with. That's the whole problem here. This is going to sound really stupid but when I met the man I knew I would fall in love with, I was totally p****d off about it, because I knew I was too young for the type of relationship I wanted with him. I could've had his children, married him, travelled with him, share life! But I was only 17, I had more experiences to have before I settle down with soemone surely!! And you know what he felt exactly the same.
We still got involved with each other and as predicted fell madly in love. We developed our own little world that we lived in. We were in love. He loved me and I loved him. I still do a hell of a lot, but I can't trust him and our relationship has finished. Because those experiences that we both still had to live, still existed and he gave into them (quite a few times actually). I like to think he loves me, but the fact that he cheated kind of makes it hard to beleive. I also like to think he loves me too much to confess everything to me... Just what I like to think.
Saying that I haven't been so innocent all my life. They say people learn by their mistakes, and that I did! My ex wasn't the first boyfriend that I cared about dearly. There was one before that, even though I was only 16/17, I did like him a lot and wanted him to like me back. But I knew in my heart that I didn't deserve the respect because I had cheated on him. I was ashamed of myself and also guttid that I couldn't actually ask this guy to trust me I knew I had no right! And it was this experience that definatly stopped my from ever cheating again. You learn by your mistakes. Thats all you've made is some mistakes.
Anyway thats my experience and here's how it links to you. In your relationship your boyfriend is me (the faithfull one) and you are my boyfriend (the cheating one) I'm not being mean its just how it is. Your current relationship (and I'm sorry to say it cause I know how much you want it) its broken. The trust has gone it doesn't exist and in all honesty he deserves soemone who will be as faithful as him and I think you know that.
If anything is going to come out of this situation then really you will have to accept what you've done and now do the only decent thing left. I'm not funny but I think that if you stay in this relationship you will never truly be happy and neither will he. Its run its course and it is time to swallow pride and end it. You will go through pain splitting up with him, because I think you know you were onto a winner, but the only way forward is for you to use this experience as a learning curve. You will have lost soemone you cared about due to your own actions, and thats guilt and thats a very hard emotion to deal with.
You will meat soemone else and hopefully you will be faithfull to them, because you know now that the guilty feeling from cheating is an awful one. I do sympathise with you as I sympathise with my ex. We could've been happy at a later age. I think you have to accept that now and move on....
Good luck
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