A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Those who aren't a Chrisitan please dont reply!I met my bf at a christmas party at church. We are both christian but he is a bit more christian then I am (which isnt an issue). His family did everything together at church and mine really didnt.- I wasnt planning on having a bf and he wasnt planning on having a gf at the moment either but it happened. His last relationship lasted 1 month because she didnt really love him at all. At the beginning, we added each other on fb and started to hang out a little bit to get to know each other better/talked a lot to see what our interests are. We had mostly everything the same (mentally). Both of us were very conservative and other things. But when we decided to start dating, we started to grow apart during the 2nd month (im not sure why). He stopped texting me much and wanted us to act like friends but be in a relationship, which I disagreed on. The reason was because we skipped the whole friendship part first. But after thinking about it, maybe we should have been friends first so I wouldnt be so disappointed and heart broken. but at the beginning of the relationship, I knew his family life was different then mine and I was fine with that. It did bother him that I "showed dogs" because in Gods eyes he didnt like it. Everything he did, he thought about what God would view it, even if we did a little more then just kissing. We both agreed to not have sex till marriage- I am 19 yrs old and he turns 18 in May. We lasted almost 3 months and he broke it off because he "felt' we shouldnt be together and to think more about our relationship deeply and the differences. The only differences I can think of is I liked big dogs and he didnt or wasnt much into politics as I was. When you skip the friendship part, it grows in the relationship but I understand what he wanted. He broke up with me and thinks it was more of an experience and to just be friends. But he is everything that I want in a guy: christian, virgin, honest, truthful, gentleman, etc. Sometimes God brings you to someone for an experience OR to except each others differences and work it out? Im not sure what to do because I did love him very much and cant think of any differences. Yes we may be young, but he is very very mature for his age but im thinking he may not exactly know what he wants or wants a girl similar to his life? I mean, if we had everything the same then it would be boring. Im thinking he doesnt really understand how relationships should be? Or he thinks there is someone better for me then him. We both to college next yr so maybe we shouldnt be together right now but hoping for the future if its meant to be
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): OP the mistake anyone can make in life is to try and change themselves to fit into someone else's idea of who they should be.
Want to know why it didn't work? Because he's just no that into you. There are no specific reasons OP, he just didn't really want to be with you, so there's nothing you can or should try and change.
As for the person he is OP, he's neither mature nor a good Christian. A good Christian tries to live their life like Christ did. Jesus wasn't a bigot OP, he was accepting of difference, he was charitable, supportive, comforting, a healer, there is not one passage in the new testament that states that he hated gay people and anyone who takes even 5 minutes to read about his life knows he would not cast a person down for supposedly living in sin. He died for our sins did he not? He didn't die so idiots like your ex could judge others in his name.
He's not mature either OP he's just strictly controlled by his parents and their beliefs. I mean "dogs should be dogs"? What the fuck does he think dogs are?
I'm a breeder of show dogs, this is their purpose in life. We created dogs through breeding, they never existed in the wild. There are no wild dogs of the types of breed that we have today. We domesticated wolves and bred them for specific purposes. Wolves are strictly carnivores, the domesticated breeds we have today are bred to be omnivores, they more closely resemble our diet than that the diet of wild animals. Hunting, herd protection, ratting, guard, watch, search and rescue, sea rescue, crime solving are all bred traits. What he thinks dogs are just to go around catching balls and sniffing each others arses? No, a show dog lives to be shown, they love it, it gives them purpose, mine actually find the long grooming process so soothing that they actually falling asleep while getting brushed.
OP he's not mature he's just strong willed and closed minded. A Christian who doesn't live Christ's way, one who judges you for using your dog breed for its purpose, one who judges people based on their sexuality and wants to cast them down. he'd rather see people unhappy and live with his strict interpretation of the world than just be tolerant and accepting like Jesus was. Why would you want to change anything about yourself to be more accepting to a little boy like that?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 It has more to do with him, than with you. He's the one with the small mind. Don't worry about what it was about you that caused him to lose interest. You are fine as you are. Don't change your interests based on his implied criticism of them, okay?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontrue but the thing is, i kept it to myself. I didnt disagree with him about the gay marriage thing- at the beginning of our relationship we had everything in common and then he changed. meaning his views changed then what he said. Some of the differences really didnt matter to me but it seems it mattered more to him. He would tell me something bothers him 2 weeks later but he didnt break up with me because I showed dogs even though it bothered him a lil or that he lost interest in me. he just had the feeling and knew we shouldnt be together. I will move on I just needed to figure out what about me that broke us up. We nvr fought or anything, I just think he assumes before he asks me my own opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said its not right at all for people to be gay and how marriage is between a man and a women. I understand what he is saying BUT its how other ppl live their life. If my sibling was gay then I would support it. We didn't really have a lot of diff interests, views, etc. There were some but I guess it meant more to him because like I said, he lives by the bible and that's his whole life. In the beginning of the relationship, I felt like we would last but then as it progressed he changed. Like his views. I don't think it has to do with him loosing feelings for me or didn't feel the same way as me. He just "felt" not good being in this relationship and called it off and looked more into it. He still doesn't know all the differences
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Yes I understand that.. But he is still human and has human urges. Unless he some saint that has come back from the dead he will have urges. Don't assume anything. Don't be duped by his holy than now image. You might be in for a horrible revelation in the future. God protect you...
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 He sounds like the kind of guy that needs to be told " Yes God exists- and He isn't YOU ! ". Congratulate yourself for the lucky escape. I might get ( not agree ! ) how, as a conservative Christian, he has a problem with gay people.... but dog shows too ?!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
I think the mistake here is assuming he is mature, just because he has some strong views on how the world works or should work. That's a fairly typical attitude of a young man (or woman, for that matter) that he's figured the world out.
I think you met him because you needed to see what rigid thinking looks like and how it relates to your faith. You were rejected because you didn't fit into his limited perspective.
I think the right guy will have a more balanced and truly Christian view of the world. Good thing you are free to meet him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just felt the need to say for christians to answer my question because he is not your typical guy with raging hormones. He is super super christian that lives by the bible but is mature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no clue why dog showing was not good in Gods eyes. He just thinks that dogs should be dogs and that we shouldnt control the breeding, etc. He understands "why" I show dogs but doesnt like the idea of it. I obviously cant change his mind and he cant change mine. But He did have the same feelings for me after 1 month - He jut it didnt work between us and he was extremely christian (not a bad thing), but everything we did he always viewed it as what God would think. The only reason why he thought it wouldnt work was because he had a very strong "feeling" and looked more deeply into our relationship. We knew our boundaries and wouldnt cross over just kissing. I just think he would prefer a girl thats super religious like him and Im not. Yes I can see why he would ask me about my parents situation but my family life isnt always like that so he tends to judge or assume. Another example is gays - we both agreed that it wasnt something that was our thing that we personally like BUT I would support my sibling/friend if they were gay and he wouldnt support it at all. I think hes living under a rock but thats just me
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 March 2013):
I take the liberty of answering even as a non Christian because that's not really a problem of religion. It's the usual problem of every couple where someone has more feelings than the other, is more invested emotionally than the other. You naturally tend to seek out the similarities, the things you have in common, and to downplay the differences and dispose of them as irrelevant. He, being, pardon the brutality, not that into you, or, at least, less into you than viceversa, sees the differences as what they are : things that he does not want in his ideal partner or relationship, and potential sources of strife and tension in your future.
In other words, if he is such a fervent Christian it's normally that ideally he'd prefer someone as militant as him. If he's not an animal lover, he can't see a future where maybe big dogs would be permanent house guests. If he wants to preserve his chastity, a gf that has no qualms about " doing a little more than kissing " is a constant temptation, and if he has obviously yielded , it does not mean that he thinks yielding is a good idea . If you have been raised in a family and atmosphere more conflictual than his , it's normal that he would be concerned about it. And so on and so forth. Now, we may opine that a strong love would overcome any differences, but if his feelings ,alas, weren't that strong, it is obvious that he has seen and evaluated all these differences and decided that you don't make a good match. To sum it up, - you fell in love with him , or were ready to fall, and he did not feel the same.
It sucks, but ... sooner or later it happens to everybody , whatever their religion is.
I'd still be curious to know WHY showing dogs is un-Christian, where does it say so,.. and note that mine is not a polemic or troublestirring question, it is just genuine curiosity, this is the first time that I have ever heard that !
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your input. i did know him since we were 12 years old but didnt talk a lot to each other. i knew how his family was --- after i thought about it when we broke up, i did sort of change in the relationship by pleasing him and lost myself. There was no give and take. i did things on what he wanted me to DO but i didnt force him to do anything that i wanted him to do. before we started dating, I didnt go to church every single weekend and he wanted me to. so I did it. This was probably just an experience for us to know what we are looking for in a guy/girl. I did have issues trusting guys because of my past experience. He told me that he did really love me, we just didnt work and thats okay. God probably felt we are better for a friendship - my ex was also a bit judgemental such as if my parents were yelling a little over something he asked me if thats how i view marriage (which i dont but marriage isnt going to be perfect). i guess how we grew up was also different and i get that
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reader, amazingk +, writes (18 March 2013):
 I am a Christian, but the situation your describing isn't unique to Christians. It's just another case of the good ol' mismatch, or unrequited love. Trying to speculate/psychoanalyze why people do the things they do is usually an effort in futility. Out of all the experience I've gained in my 31 years, I learned that if someone's not interested in me, then it's not meant to be. Keep it moving. Anything else is usually a waste of your own time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Sometimes it is hard to accept the fact that sometimes people don't really feel the same for us, as we do for them. It will make you feel put off or rejected. You may have the same interests, enjoy each others company, and have a lot in common. That does not mean your feelings for each other are equal, or the same.You liked him immediately, and got anxious to be his girlfriend. He wasn't ready to move things as quickly. Maybe he felt you would push things further than he was willing to go. You are both very young. It is not unusual for young people to confuse "liking a person" with being in love. You are really fond of someone. "Love" is a very strong word, and you scared him when you became too pushy about "being in love." You don't know each other that well. You were trying to add feelings that are too mature for people your age.You are able to love your family and friends. Not to have a mature relationship like adults.You are more out-going and have a stronger approach to things then he does. He may not like politics at all. People your age rarely last as long as three months together. It's better to give yourself time to get old enough to understand your own feelings better.You have to give yourself enough time to know when you are ready for love, and what it means. You have to give yourself the time to mature enough to be able to handle it when the other person doesn't really feel the same for you. As a girl, and as a young woman, your heart may be broken quite a few times. But you'll get stronger each time.You will find, even as you get older, that this may not change much. You can't force people to like you. Love has to happen for both of you at the same time. If it only happens to one of you, and not the other, then it really isn't love.You will meet boys who like you, and you don't like them as much, or not at all. So slow things down. You're going to break a few hearts too. You will not mean to, but it happens to everyone.Politics is a heavy subject for a boy who isn't even 18 yet. I'm sure he had more reasons than that; but it doesn't matter, because he has already told you he doesn't want to be your boyfriend anymore. Accept it. You have no choice.Don't worry. You'll meet other guys. God will guide you. It won't hurt so much in time. You really should be focusing more on church, school, having some fun, and getting into college. Love is complicated and tricky. Don't let it spoil things too soon. You have plenty of time to discover over the years who is right for you.Your parents are there to answer these things for you. You shouldn't avoid having these talks. So they can help you to understand things that are obviously way over your head. Just reading the things you have written, shows how far you have to go to understand. I know you're a smart person.Other teens will have their opinions and advice, but they don't know much more than you do. They'll only pretend they do. Even people my age have to continue to learn how to deal with our feelings about love. It still hurts to be turned down.But we know that we have to move on and we will eventually find it.
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reader, babu3u +, writes (17 March 2013):
 Well I actually am a Christian and to tell you the truth I don't understand what your ex-boyfriend is going at. When you are in a relationship you can be friends with you girlfriend as well as dating her. Like he said to you, you were just and experience, that to me actually doesn't sound like a very good Christian boy. He was just playing with your feelings, and now it sucks because you fell in love with him and he didn't. So you are suffering and he is just going along in life like nothing happened. You should forget about this loser and actually move on to someone that will trully love you and respect you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): I was baptized a Christian and at the age of 10 was dumped on the front step of the child welfare office with a note for some official inside. I don't know a lot but I am just as good as a Christian like your boy friend. Who is he to judge that he is better than you in any way other than by performing self righteous acts thinking he is better in gods eyes. Remember who was beside Christ on the cross it wasn't the self righteous but criminal and a murderer. God gave you and me free will. I always pray that he guides me to take the right path and you should pray for guidance also seeking his hand to guide you to the right mate and partner. I think you've answered your question. Its not meant to be for the future. I pray all the time that other young boys don't get dumped by the good God fearing Christians who run to church every sunday. And I will pray for you also. god bless......................
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