A
male
age
30-35,
*eepitreal222
writes:I have been in love with my co-worker for about a year and a half and in that time, we've hung out, drank, taken the train home, whatever... I see him almost all day at work as we cross paths from office to office.. I think he is beautiful, funny, charming in every way (flaws included). There was always a connection of some sort..no denying that. A while back, we were on the subway going home from a night of drinking and he asked if I would have like to go back to his place, at the time, I was dating someone and although I did want to go, it was right to go back to my place. After I turned that down, It was awkward for a few months and then we slowly gained friendship again. Lately, I cannot seem to get him off of my mind and I really want(ed) to know if this guy has feelings for me as well. Just this past weekend, he asked me if I wanted to go to a bar with him and I said yes.. we went, danced and we kept looking at each other directly in the eyes, smiling..blah blah, you get it. So I really thought that, "Hey, he really IS into me!" After the drinks started pouring in and I was in a place where words came easy... I confessed that I had feelings for him... and that i have for quite sometime... He understood and was really awesome about it, but he stated that he values the friendship more than anything. So he didn't really turn me down, but kind of did at the same time. The next morning (hungover and wondering why I decided to complicate my life more), I texted him and thanked him for understanding what I told him and that I still wanted to be an awesome friend. Regardless of anything, I just want him to be happy and I want us to have a friendship. I know I shouldn't S*** where I eat, but the feeling is so there, maybe I just developed this false vision in my head that he liked me too. I'm not upset that I said something, because it was the perfect time and I'd rather know than to never find out and regret it. How should I handle this? I don't really know how to feel or how to interact with him (Ill be as cool as possible, of course) at work... but this is something where I would need some honest advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): Relax no lines were crossed.As friends you should he able to just laugh it off or continue the friendship with this understanding that you two have a stronger connection than other friends but will not develop things furher (as long as at least one of you is in a relationship with someone else) . Just because you acknowledge openly that there is attraction between you doesn't mean you have to act on it instead you acknowledge it so that you can also openly acknowledge boundaries to maintain the friendship without jeopardizing your other relationships. Its only when one or both people start pushing the boundaries that trouble lies ahead...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2013): Two adults had a few drinks, and everyone was feeling a little horny. He genuinely likes you, but nothing more.He came to realize that it is pretty touchy,in a professional situation, to get your personal lives crossed with your professional lives. So he's keeping it tamed, and at a proper distance. He respects you. He should.It is very dangerous for a man to accept sexual advances from an intoxicated woman. She is not fully in charge of her judgment and mental faculties. The term "date-rape" comes to mind. She may not remember if she consented or not. You got "intoxicated" and spilled your guts, while feeling all warm and fuzzy. He was willing to have sex; but not a relationship. Be glad he didn't take advantage of you. Be glad YOU didn't take it too far. Then you may have accused him of all sorts of things, had he seduced you while you weren't totally sober. You would have also been resentful to discover his feelings weren't the same as yours after sex. The best way to handle it is to keep it friendly, and don't cross any lines. What's the point in falling for him, if he doesn't feel the same? You both have a good time together; but if sex comes into the picture, it will get very complicated.He is not in love with you. You need to get your feelings in check, behave yourself, and keep a professional distance until you do. You're "infatuated" with his charms and good looks. That's normal. Limit your social drinking around him; if you can't keep it together.If things get out of hand, you could jeopardize your jobs.Stop and imagine how awkward things become; when every time you have a few drinks you start hitting on him. Cut it out!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 March 2013):
 well i would say that it turned out for the best that you didn't go home with him that one night because that definitely would have complicated things a lot more.
and who could blame you for thinking that he liked you? he spends a lot of time with you and seems to flirt. and of course, the wanting to take you home with him thing. he apparently was drunk and not thinking clearly, which happens all too often. people get drunk and horny and make decisions on the spur of the moment that effect their relationships long-term. it's a good thing you said no because you may have wanted very different things out of that situation. you may have wanted more while he may have just wanted sex.
anyway, you're right. at least now you know and you don't have to wait any longer to find out. just take some time, get over him, and maybe you two can stay great friends. good luck!
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