A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman. I am unhappy and have told my husband so. I met another man through work, I work in a doctor's office; he is a drug rep. We have exchanged flirtatious text messages and even met up once. We both admitted that something was different between us and we wanted to be together but because I'm still married, it isn't right for now. During our meeting he said things like: I'm afraid of commitment but I would move you in tomorrow, I want the whole office to know we are together, go home for Christmas together, etc. then proceeded to kiss me in the most passionate way, both of us holding onto each other, lots of touching...I ended up leaving because it had already gone farther than both of us anticipated. He has been seeing someone for a short while but makes it out to be "She's a nice girl, but it's not serious."We decided to try to just be friends. I have asked him to grab coffee twice and while I know he is busy with work, he hasn't replied to the last text I sent which basically said that my heart is saying one thing and my head says the opposite. He came into work this past Friday. I couldn't help but feel hurt that he's ignored me for days. He asked how I was, I answered but did not elaborate. There were many times we locked eyes and both gave each other a half almost sad smile and then look away. We tried talking but it was very strained. He seemed as if he was in adaze the whole time. When he left, we both gave each other one last look with that awkward half smile and whispered goodbye. I thought maybe he would say something, a text...anything after he left Friday. I thought he would realize I'm hurt because he's ignoring me. What is happening? Has he lost all interest in me? Is he intimidated? Scared? How should I play it? Any insight would be helpful.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
 OP you said "I am a married woman. I am unhappy and have told my husband so"
so what are you doing about this? are you planning your exit from the marriage or do you want to fix it?
if you do not want to fix it, then you need to be planning your exit... but until your marriage is over and done, you should not be worried about any other relationships with a romantic partner.
He's actually got it good... he can flirt and pretend you will be something but you are so safe as you are married and you can't "move in with him"
I would not "play it" with him. You need to put your current life in order... either fix it or get out of your marriage... sadly you will find that Mr. Drug Rep will probably go POOF once you are available.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 March 2013):
 he seems to realize what you already realize but are choosing to ignore: you're off the market. you're married. he doesn't want things to be taken any further because of it, and rightfully so. dabbling with a married man or woman is a definite recipe for disaster and always leaves the person who is not married hurt in the end. besides, he's already seeing someone else, anyway.
you say you're suprised and hurt he hasn't texted you back and approached you about all of this. but in reality, what is he going to say? nothing will change the circumstances, so even talking about feelings and how you're hurting is just dragging things out and prolonging the inevitable. logically, not speaking and parting ways is the best thing to do. you're just thinking with your emotions, not with your head.
i'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. i'm sure it's hard having to see him when you're trying to move on. let this be a realization that you clearly need to divorce your husband and give yourself a chance to start fresh. you're obviously not happy. you're still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. the longer you stay with your husband, the longer you delay being able to move on and be happy with someone else. you'll never find a fulfilling relationship under the circumstances you're in.
hope all turns out well.
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