A
male
age
30-35,
*raig2231
writes:Weve been dating/going out for about a year and a half now, at the start, it was great, now there is no spark between us. A few weeks ago she said im not as happy as i was when we first started going out (in general) Yet i dont feel like i have changed, If i have, i dont know how to go about getting my 'old self' back. About a month back, she revealed that she didnt like sex in general and was only doing it to keep me happy. At the time i just passed it on thinking she was in a mood, but as times go on, there has been zero sexual activity between us, I dont wanna ask as i dont want to ask her to do something she doesnt like (It will be met with a huff and she'll have the face on thinking thats all im bothered about)Its not just that, we never do anything other than go to each others houses, maybe watch a movie then sleep, nothing else happens. Since i mainly work evenings and weekends, she works Mon-Fri 9-5 she always complains that shes tired and doesnt fancy doing anything (like going to the cinema or to a restaurant) not to mention she doesnt like drinking so a romantic night in with a bottle of wine is out of the question too.She is hinting ( and asking) that she wants a ring on her finger, but ATM i really dont want do it as i feel it will be a big mistake.Maybe its me being impatient but i really feel ive hit a dead end with her, our relationship is going no where in my eyes and this is going to sound selfish, but im 19 and i really dont want my sex life to be over before its 'really begun' But the one thing thats stopping me from running is the fact that i love her to bits, every time i see her, i make myself think that 'today might be different' but it never is.I really need some adviceThanks in advance
View related questions:
sex life, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I dont have any aswers for you. But what i can tell is that you are not alone in this. When I read your story it was like I was telling it at the same time. I am however abit older (27) but his girl Ive been livng with for the past year really turns my brain.Its been 3 months now without sex, or any kind of intimate contact and eventhough she gives me a peck of a kiss now and then Im beginning to feel more like "that old friend", rather than a lover.Ive googled this alot lately and you question is the first one Ive truly connected with, and for this I want to thank you.Im sorry I cant help you with your question,I was however thinking if I shared my story with you it could prove comforting to know you are not alone.In my case she blaims the winter, were I live there is a dark period were the sun doesnt show at all. And this tends to put people into a slight depression. Ive read that this can also occure in places were winter does have some sunlight.But then again, I am the only one she is shut out from.Amungst others she is her usual self that I love so much.Maybe Im to feel hopefull in my misery since the fact that she trusts me for loving her without her having to put a mask on, like I could assume she does for others. But then again, maybe I am apart of her depression, and she might be unsure of it herself, and too afraid to find out.Its hard to tell, the way I see it, I just have to wait the winter out and see if it changes. You could try talking more seriously to her about it. See if there is some hidden past secret that haunts her.One thing I will say to you though, and this is just my opinon and not to be taken as "the correct way". But unless you are religious, then you are too young to think about getting married. As Im writing this, that could be her issue, she might be somewhat relighous at heart and feels guilty thus not able to fully enjoy the act og sex. Pure speculation.Bottomline: If you love her, you stick to it, if she doesnt love you it will come out of her eventually.Anywho, I will be folloing this thread, i hope there are someone out there with another point of view we might not be seeing. Thank you very much for you question.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): if the spark is gone for her, leave her! other wise you'll end up with a girl like me. Ive been with my man for 8.5 years but I dont love him- im only with him still b/c we have a child. But every day and night I dream of someone else...Our sex sucks and hardly ever happens cuz I just dont want to..with him.. I wont cheat cuz im not that type..but you dont want to be with a woman who cannot love you back!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Just to add to what the first lady said: she will want you more when you cut her off, but don't think you need to go dating other people just to "begin your sex life" ... people do grow and move on until the time is right. Assuming you're a healthy guy, you've got plenty of time to begin your sex life later on. There's a chance you just need to spend more time on your own figuring what exactly it is you want with all this life and love hogwash.
...............................
A
female
reader, lija30  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Baby you still young its okay if you guys are not in love no more..... you will grow and move...on its a part of life...women will come and go until your true love comes walking down the street. If she has fallen out of love with you ....then tell her ok and move on ....Whats going to happen when you cut her off is .....she will want you even more.....I know this sounds crazy but when you cut off a girl and move on with your life and start dating new people....she will see this and be like ......man ....I want him now.....*wink* but you cant live for no girl...so if she want to leave let her.....trust me ..she wont be the only one in your life.......*smile* good luck hun
...............................
A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (7 January 2011):
 You've seemingly answered your own question haven't you? In your owns words....this is a dead end relationship. It's hard to let go though isn't it?
I think you'd be very wise to continue to refuse to put a ring on her finger as the timing just doesn't seem right at the moment.
I was going to suggest to try to re-invent the relationship and revive that spark but it seems, given the hours you both work and her reluctance to enjoy a social life of any kind with you, that there is pretty much no hope here.
Have you thought about suggesting a break for a while? Perhaps a week apart to see how you both feel?
Fair play to you for being so honest and perceptive here by the way. Many people would blindly ignore the obvious warning signs that you've listed.
...............................
|
