A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, well i have been in a relationship with this girl for eight months. I know i love her, if anything happened to her i swear i would die. And i know she loves me. I really think im the problem though. I trust her, i know she would never cheat on me. And i know she trusts me. But right now im thousands of miles away from her on vacation. And everything bothers me. Everything. In the past, a lot of things have happened. and they paranoi me a bit. But I hate it that she tries to get pretty, and that she cares so much what others think, and when she wears shorts. i dont know. i dont like her showing stuff off. I know it sounds strict but if i talk to one girl she freaks out as well. and well, shes getting better. She isn´t jealous anymore or anything. but im still like that. When she goes to do something, it bothers me. Like if she goes to the mall with her friends, it bothers me. and im constantly getting mad at her. Now, no one can say i dont love her. Ive been through so many dating sights. This is the first one ive learned how to work. But im really concerned about myself.. what do i do. how do i fix this about myself. I cant stand her doing anything but talking to me. and when im not talking to her. i always talk myself out of it and i try to make myself better. but then the second i talk to her again. i dont know. it all just comes out a lot. Can someone please help me cuz im at my peak. and i hate myself right now. I know i love her. What do i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): You need to remember that you cant force anyone to love you ,if it is meant to be its going to be no matter what . Thats the kind of love you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all the help!! Me and my girlfriend are trying to work things out now. It´s really hard because im in Chile for the summer and she´s in the US but were trying. Just wanted to say thank you! And any advice on the best way to get rid of my insecurities would be great! But once again, thank you from my part and hers. We appreciate it. Bye
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male
reader, theOC  +, writes (24 June 2008):
It sounds to me that you're trying to protect your relationship by not allowing any outside influences affect your relationship. You're afraid that she might leave you and you act the way you do. As many others have posted already, you should have trust in her and have confidence that she will not leave or cheat on you.
Trust is an important bond between two people in the relationship and if you don't trust her, then what can you say about your relationship?
If she is going to leave or possibly cheat on you in the future, there's not much you can do to stop it. It's her decision and you're better off without a person like that.
But if you do calm down a bit and realize that no matter how many guys try to talk to her, none of them will be able to get with her because you're her boyfriend. Have confidence in yourself and more trust. Best of luck.
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female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (24 June 2008):
 I use to be jealous and insecure when it came to my ex - boyfriend. I use to hate it when he'd talk to other girls, and be with other girls. I had a long discussion with him about it one night and I told him the things that made me get so jealous. I guess I was more afraid to loose him to someone else then anything. He assured me that there was no reason to get jealous and that he loved me and only me. This really turned everything around. I started to gain more trust for him, and this really made our relationship better then ever. When she's out with her friends, just tell yourself. "I know she loves me and only me" and take some deep breaths. Be in control, don't let jealously take over the relationship. Have a talk about it with her when you get back. But don't make it sound like your too obession and over protective, girls do not find this attractive. If you love her you will give her some space, knowing that she is missing you when she's not with you, just as much as your missing her. Enjoy the time when your apart, because when you finally see eachother it will make it that much better.
Remember.. If you never know trust, then you never know love.
Best of luck
and keep me updated!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): I dated a guy that had the same issues as you. He would not let me talk to other guys and not let me wear pretty clothes and such. Then it just got worse and worse I was not allowed to hang out with my friends he would call me evry five min asking me were I was. he acused me of cheating then he would not let me see my family because he said he had to know were I was at all times Then he started hitting me beat me up so bad I thought he was going to kill me he also raped me. He told me he loved me every time he hit me and told me how sorry he was. I loved him so much. But after each beating and the screaming that I was a hoar I relized that every time he did that.I lost a little bit of love for him untill one day there was no more love in me for him left. The reason I tell you this is because I don't want you to end up down this path. Jealousy will ruin your life if you let it. If you love someone you trust them without trust there is no love. You are avery passionate person but I know you are a good person inside just by asking for help on this site means you want to change your ways. If you love her then you have to make a compromize and not be so jealous. Maybe seeking help from a Phycologist or talking to an older family member who is married would help you through your troubles. When you get angry step back count to ten and breath. Also praying helps me through my difficulties.I know you can change you just have to make the effort! Good luck and God bless
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): You are a very emotional Person that's not bad but it can be if you are possessive. Everyone gets jelous sometimes but you can't let jelousy run your life. I know that you love your girl and she loves you too. But a big part of love is learning to trust each other you can't spend your whole life woried about if your girl is talking to someone else or cheating. You should not have to worry about that when your in love. Let me put it this way would you cheat on her? Your answer I bet is no. If she loves you than she feels the same way. You have to let her talk to other people without being jelous and wear shorts without being jelous. The reason she wants to look good is not for other men but for herself. All women do this. We are in a constant compitition to look are best NOT FOR MEN but for ourselves.We are just raised this way. You need to relize that no one can control what another person dose! We do what we want. If someone loves you it's because they choose to love you not because you make them. Do you realy want to try and make someone love you? you cant they ethier do or they don't. If your girl has been with you for as long as you say and not cheated then why do you worry? The girl loves you! You need to relax and work on your jelousy issues. Just remember she picked you to be with and if you continue this way you will push her farther away and smother her. You will ruin your relationship. If you love her then give her a chance to be herself. Love her for all that she is I promise if you let go of the jelousy than your love will be even better for both of you. Good luck and treat her with respect
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Well, first of all... Hola!!!!
Now, I understand what you mean. It happens with me and my boyfriend. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, although some people may say that jealousy is not love. Well, yeah, I agree to a point, but it's because jealousy ISN'T about love. It's about personal insecurities. It's because you're insecure, she's insecure and that has nothing to do with what you feel for each other.
Me and my boyfriend both freak out in that kind of situations. And he also doesn't like it when I wear some revealing clothes. I still don't figure out how to fix it, but I'm sure it has to do with things that have happened from before I met him really. In a way, I guess, it's because I've always been insecure, and now that I have him, sometimes I subcounsciously feel I'm not good enough, and that I may lose him. I've lost good things before (nothing as good as him, though) and I've been hurt, so now I'm trying to protect the relationship. And he probably feels the same. Maybe you and your girlfriend feel the same, but you just haven't realized, because it usually happens unconsciously.
It's hard but you have to trust her, if you know she won't cheat, then take heart in that. Remember the good times, when you make her laugh like no other, when you hugh her, when she smiles, when she tells you she loves you. Especially that, remember the moments when she tells you she loves you, or any other things like you're the most important person in her life, etc. This is very comforting, because it means that you make her feel happy like no one else does. And no one can take that away from you.
Yes, it isn't nice to think that the world is full of people that could seduce your girlfriend. But you have to learn to be more confident. If this is true love, take heart that it would take a lot more than a conversation with a guy, or going out to the mall to destroy it.
You're also young. At your age it's hard to feel more insecure. She's also insecure. I know I care about what other people think, and I like to look pretty, because I'm a girl! That's how we work. I'd say a lot of the time i do it to feel prettier around other girls, because it's sort of a competition. And I remember I didn't care much when I was single, but now that i have a boyfriend, I care a lot more, because I'm also very worried that he might find someone else who gets his attention. I'm jealous too, I know. But it's irrational, and it's because of lack of confidence and insecurity.
In short, I don't know how to fix it, because I'm sure there's no quick way to fix it, but just try to relax and enjoy the relationship, and remember the good times you have with her, the special times, the way you make her happy. You are unique in her life, and she knows that, that's why she chose you and fell in love with you. Falling in love isn't easy. Falling out of love is even harder. hink about what you do when you're not around her... do you feel like cheating? Do you feel like you don't love her? No, of course not! You probably feel like you miss her and love her even more, so when she's not around you, she probably feels the same. Just relax and enjoy this sweet relationship, which I'm sure has made you very happy!
Ok, that was long, sorry... but take care, and I hope you feel better.
Adios!
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A
male
reader, shady2012 +, writes (24 June 2008):
 bro i know how your feeling, ive been through similiar situations.
you need to stop being so over protective. you have to become a
man and stop getting mad about things. its bugging her more and
its making her look at you werid so stop being over protective!
its tough but if you love her you have to show her dude..
you need to get some balls. stand up on your own..
put yourself first.. that will attract her so thats when
you do what you do.. keep yourself busy.. Live Life Like You Paid For it . :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Many times you create your own fears. If you act like a idiot every time she dresses up to go out with her friends, at some point she is going to say "Hey, if he thinks I'm doodling around, then why not do it." Give her some space.
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