A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been on and off dating sites now for over 4 years. almost 2 years ago my fiance walked out on me after catching me on them again after giving me several chances. Since that, I have met guys off the sites but nothing ever came of them, I was just used sexually and I always fell for their lies, sweet talk and compliments, but they all disappeared. I have been given the news that my ex fiance has bought an engagement ring for his now fiance and it has hit me like a hurricane. I am sat alone and he`s making someone else so happy. The only friends I seem to have now are on the internet, my social life has vanished and I cannot grasp why I have done this to myself. How do I get out of this hole that I have dug?
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fiance, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): i dont think you really know what you want, but whatever it is, it aint gonna be found on a dating site. they are for losers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): You probably weren't attracted to your ex or something, because you were looking for someone else.
Maybe you need to figure out what you really want. Online dating is like going shopping on the web.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): "I have been given the news that my ex fiance has bought an engagement ring for his now fiance and it has hit me like a hurricane. I am sat alone and he`s making someone else so happy." You're not upset because you made your ex desperately unhappy, you're upset because he's now making someone else happy at your perceived expense. "I cannot grasp why I have done this to myself."You cannot grasp why you "have done this to [your]self" until you can grasp why you did what you did to your ex. It doesn't matter to you that your ex suffered due to your direct actions against him when you were together, all that matters is you're now "suffering" due to his actions toward a total stranger almost two years after he finally walked out on you in disgust. You didn't get it then and you don't get it now. Hopefully other aunts and uncles advice, especially bronzed adonis, will somehow sink in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): You did not lose your man because of dating sites. That is like charging the gun with murder. You lost him because you was cheating, decieving him and abusing his feelings through your own choice.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (15 February 2012):
 Your ex is your ex for a reason. You cheated on your ex via dating sites, and your dating site obsession will have passed so much untold misery on to him, which for some reason seems totally overlooked by you. If dating sites had worked out better for you, are you really sure your double life would not continue forever and ever? He met someone but you got used. If you continue to use these dating sites, then chances are it will happen again and again. You are in shock because your ex has found someone, but I`m not entirely convinced your dating site life is over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Its the first step realising you have a problem,you've had your wake-up call.
Be thankful you never met up with a violent man.That you weren't a statistic.You've taken so many unecessary risks with your body and life by having these liaisons.
I hope you do as the others on here say, unplug that PC/laptop,step outside and start living in the real world. Form proper friendships,not FWBs or Booty Calls.Get professional help if you need it, but dont ruin anymore of your life by being some uncaring strangers' mattress.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Sorry, but you was on dating sites while you was with your ex. Its his right to be happy and should have nothing to do with you being a better person. That should be seperate. I bet he was far from happy when he was with you. If you are serious then take your computer and anything that gives you access to dating sites to the recycle bin or local charity.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (15 February 2012):
To get out of the hole you dug, you climb out of it and fill it in so you dont fall back down again. Even if it means throwing out your PC. Your ex`s happiness should not have any bearing on changing your lifestyle, do it for yourself. I also believe you were not right for each other, that`s why you were on dating sites and he has now found his way.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): I had a seven year relationship which was very cloak and dagger for six years due to the ex`s date site addiction which is still very much alive. You have faced yourself and not continued to live in denial about it. That is the biggest battle won. Your ex was not right for you and that is why you turned to dating sites, so dont sit there regretting it. I think you need to be in a situation where they are not available to you. It`s difficult to suggest more as I cannot get my head round what makes someone addicted to internet relationships and meeting strangers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): I hope this link helps http://www.futurescopes.com/internet-dating/58/internet-dating-addiction
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): my ex was very much the same as you. you have faced up to your cyber dating addiction and he never did. now that you have, slowly venture out into the real life world and get talking to people, the rest should follow.
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A
female
reader, bardia  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 Just going to reiterate what everyone else has already said. You need to get off the computer, get out in the real world, and get some counseling help. You will not get beyond this without doing all three of these things. The problem is, you crave the attention of other people and online it's so very easy to get that! There's no real commitment and you have a wealth of people at your fingertips, live and virtual. It is not healthy to live this way. I just broke up with someone because he is the same way--spends all his time on social and dating sites when he had a real flesh and blood person before him that wanted to love him. If you don't want to end up forever alone, you'd better change. But it'll only change if YOU want it to.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (15 February 2012):
Well it seems the grass wasnt greener for you. The news of your fiance has woke you up to your reality, but as it ended the way it did, I`m kinda sure he wouldnt have been the right man for you otherwise you would not have been looking on dating sites. It`s a simple answer really, de-activate your dating site accounts and forget they exist. Join a club or anything which involves interacting with real people and just do not entertain dating accounts again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2012):
 YOu need to get into some counseling and work with a therapist to figure out why you need the online dating sites to stroke your ego why a good man in real life is not enough for you.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (15 February 2012):
Very simple, delete all your online accounts and pull the plug on your computer, every laptop, every smartphone, etc. right now. Take some time off and get used to living without the internet for a while. Get out of the house, take up hobby's that don't involve computers. Fill your days with non computer related activities. Work out more. After a while you will meet new people, you'll be happier and you won't feel the need to fill your days surfing on dating sites.
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