A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:my best friends and i have been friends for 2.5 years. we have done alot of things together and gone through alot. we even live under the same apartment. her very first love, i was the cupid who match made them. both of them lasted for about 11months? and they broke up this year march. the reason they broke up i guess was mainly because there are many misunderstandings and unsolved issues. during this 11 months, i have been good friend with her lover, named A. until august 08, we ( me and A) found that we have feelings for each other. and we got together. i didnt have much thoughts about it, i thought it wasnt a big deal. since both of them moved on and no longer have feelings. it turned out that my best friend thinks im so grooss to date her ex. is it wrong? i mean everyone has history and the ex happened to be my best friend. and she couldnt accept the fact, and stopped being friends with me. this 3 weeks when i was with my boy friend( her ex), i truely felt happy and at the same time awful. not because its gross to date my best friend's ex, but its because i actually lose a very important friend. and today, i actually feel like breaking up with my boy friend, just to get back to my best friend. is it a right move? even though i dont know if she will stil want me as her best friend anymore. but i just feel that its really hard to live each day without my best friend. can you please tell me what should i do? im really sad, i cried over this issue over and over. even if im with my boyfriend i couldnt help but keep mentioning bout this. and i feel that my surrounding other friends do not show much support either. it seems so hard to continue this relationship. i just feel so devastated. please advise me, which is the best way to work things out. i think i do like my boyfriend, but im not sure if it has reached the stage of love.
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best friend, broke up, her ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): she will forgive you. but you wont be as close as you were before. you could try talking to her and tell her your sorry, but tell her the honest truth about how you are feeling.
A
male
reader, deki  +, writes (31 March 2009):
i in your olds best friends shoes and i havent talked to my ex or my friend from the day they did tat to me i would love it if my girlfriend just respected my feelings and came back to me and just left him a side we went for to years and i think you should drop him and get her back:-(
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Myp, please read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-he-neglects-the-baby-if-i.html
This is not foul nor that too much despicable at all. This is just reality. Would you really say that a man hitting a woman and abusing her mentally is not as bad as this? Please.
Original poster:
The decision is yours. Listen to what your heart tells you, and follow it.
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (21 August 2008):
 okay im sorry i know that your in pain and you want your friend back but i dont know if shell ever forgive you, that was the one thing that would totally obliterate your friendship. if my bestfriend started dating my ex... not just my ex but my FIRST LOVE, i would chop her up into little pieces. i dont think you understand how hurtful and disloyal that is, thats the biggest bitch move ive ever heard of, except for maybe your sister sleepin with your boyfriend, thats pretty much up there with list of atrocities that youll never be forgiven for. you set them up, they fell in love and she was probably cryin on your shoulder when she was hurtin, and then you start dating him when they break up?im sorry but that is just the foulest most disgusting thing i think ive heard in a monthhope you get your priorities straight-Myesha
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A
female
reader, amazinamazon +, writes (21 August 2008):
Dating a friend's ex is never advisable, especially if they are your best friend. Men come and go but your friends are the family you choose. Remember that. A guy is never worth losing your best friend over. Break it off with the guy and tell your friend you're sorry. Pinkey swear to never date each other's ex's even if you say you're over them and be a real best friend and keep your promise.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (21 August 2008):
I was in a similar position as you. I'll make the story as short as possible. I don't know how this would help you, but I'm just telling this to you to show you that you're not the only one who had this dilema.
I had a dear friend who was going out with my current boyfriend. Well, they were never compatible, so they broke up after 3 months of going out. She never got over him, even though she said she did. I always liked him, ever since I laid eyes on him but when I found out his girlfriend was my friend, I stopped trying to persue him. I tried with all my heart to stop likeing him, but you know, it's funny how the heart just doesn't want to hear the brain sometimes.
Well, almost 6 months passed after they broke up, and my feelings for him were still strong and getting stronger. There are hints that we like each other, and some people even start noticing that. Even at that time, I tried to keep my feelings on check. Then, that day came. I remember it perfectly, but to keep this short, he told me his feelings through a letter, a letter his ex saw. She took it, read it infront of me, and cried her heart out. It said that "he liked me very much".
I was in such a dilema. Should I go for him and be happy or be a good friend? It took me 3 days to decide. My decision was to choose him, as I had seen that in those 3 days, he had become so somber and depressed when I mentioned that we probably wouldn't stay together. It showed he really meant his feelings were true.
I was lucky with my decision. We're still together, after 3 years of that event, and so very much in love. But I don't have that friend. I lost her. Part of me regrets it, but another part of me just wants to feel the joy of my decision. I'm aware that she wasn't a good friend (she spread a bad rumor of me at school along with another girl), but part of me still feels guilty for the "betrayal".
So I don't know what would be the best for you. You could stay with your boyfriend and hope it works, or end it and probably have nobody since your best friend might not even forgive you for your "betrayal". But in my wholeheart opinion, I think what you should do is follow your heart. Listen to it well, and make a decision.
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