A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i'm 18 and I have been obssessed with my ex-boyfriend, I'm afraid that this has been effecting my life, personal and professional. I haven't seen him in over 5 months. It was a long distance relationship, But we finally called it quits about a month ago. When we were together he provoked this kind of behavior, me always texting him in the middle of the night, calling him randomly, writing him long letters as to why he is so wonderful. The relationship is weird, but I found out today that he's getting married. And I don't want to be this stupid girl obessessing over that one married guy, I'm a Christian, I just need help as to how I stop feeling this way? And start being myself again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): I wrote this question, and I believe that the advice you have given me will help. It hurts a lot because he was my first love. People tell me that he'll miss me and want me back because thats what he always dose, thank you for believing that I could move on. There is hope, that one day I'll go an entire day and not think about him, I wish it were today...
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 August 2008):
I think you shouldn't even worry about that. Obviously you respect yourself and you have certain boundaries: you won't have sex until you're married. With that said, if that was his reasoning he is a complete ass. If someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, they will wait. However, he is in the military. I don't mean to stereotype, but MANY men in the military cheat. I'm not saying they ALL do, but MANY. But many people in general cheat also.
Also consider that you two were having a long distance relationship. Those relationships just don't work out for a lot of people. And don't compromise your beliefs in the future for fear that someone will leave you because you won't have sex with them. The right man will come along, you have PLENTY of time. And the article Tisha gave you is really helpful. I'm going thru a breakup right now too, and it's hard. I hate every moment of it, but as the guy explained in the article...every feeling and every question is exactly what I'm going thru. And I'm sure you are too. We're only human :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): I asked this question, and I understand that he was with another girl. We were never together physically, because I don't believe in sex before marriage, and he was a man in the service. I never wanted to hold him back. To make the record straight when he first moved away from me we did break up. He was the one who wanted to get back together. We got back together , and had plans on seeing eachother again. Do you think maybe he was tired of waiting for me to have sex with him?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Pinktopaz is right about the fact that it takes time to get over a break up. There is no short cut to feeling better, if there were, we'd all know it!
I think that there may be some anger about how things went with the split buried inside you. If I were you, I'd let that anger out and harness it into some honest assessment of the relationship. It wasn't a very good one, from what you've written, nor did it sound viable for a long-term romance. And if he's already getting married, hm, well then he was cheating on you! Where's the indignation, where's the spark that you have been mistreated?
He didn't provoke the random behavior you write about, you generated it and are the one responsible for it; maybe you were trying to catch him out? Maybe you knew that he was slipping away and were trying desperately to keep things alive?
What you need to accept is that he has moved on, rather quickly, and you have to put your effort into getting over it.
Here's an article that you might find useful to read, it is written from the standpoint of the initiator of the break up, but it contains some good ideas for everyone going through this.
Hope it helps, good luck!
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 August 2008):
Time! And I know that's a sucky answer, but things take time, especially when it's getting over someone you were in love with. If you two only broke up a month ago and he's already getting married...WTF? So I'm guessing he was seeing someone else while you two were supposidly together? There's always a reason why things didn't work out. Obviously you were the one putting forth an effort to make the relationship work while he was out having a good time with someone else. It's always easy to look at the good things and ignore the bad things. But that wasn't a good relationship and probably wasn't a very good guy. So try to look at it that way.
As there is no answer to make you stop feeling this way. All you can do it try to keep your mind off of him. It's hard and he'll come to mind. But keep yourself busy and remind yourself as to why things didn't work out. Focus on yourself and try to do things that bring in the positive. Self improvement and just having fun. You'll be back to yourself eventually...it's a long road. But you'll be happy again. We all go through breakups and they suck :(
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