A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together and living together for a year and a half now. He is truely the most amazing person I've ever met! Our relationship is almost perfect. We spend every day together and every second is REALLY like a fairy tale. I couldn't have imagined anything more perfect than our relationship. The only thing is, he's married with kids. His wife is a stay at home mom, he completely and fully supports her financially, but she has no clue we're together. He has told me he is going to get a divorce, but he's worried about the impact on his children. From what I know he has not taken any steps towards divorce. What should I do?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, beachstreet656 +, writes (1 September 2009):
Are you serious. Break up with him! He has a wife, what if your dad had a girlfriend and he wanted to divorce your mom to marry her. THAT WOULD RUIN YOUR LIFE! It suck to have a broken family. Why would you try and make three peoples lives miserable just for you to be happy. There are other people in this world you will find someone as good as him if not better. I know you think he might be amazing now, but after him and his wife divorce he will always have his kids that will be there. They won't like you for what you did to their life and their mom. You will always have this burden over you. Please do it for him and his family, let him go. It might hurt for a little bit, but there are other fairy tale boyfriends out there. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Hi,
I would like to add to the last reply and say, that yes some people do find it hard to break away in the first place let alone ask for divorce. I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years now, and he has not asked for a divorce. They have split their house up and he bought her a new one. He pays mantainance to her, even thought he doesnt have to, and she has no financial worries at all. But still its hard for him to ask because he doesnt want to hurt her anymore than he has.
They didnt get along for a long time before me, but when he left I guess she suddenly thought her life would change for the worse, and wanted him to stay. She threatened to kill herself and made herself really ill, because he would not go back. So really, how could he dig the knife in further by asking for a divorce.
And would you want to be with someone that has no feelings for his kids or sympathy for his ex. Dont confuse this with love, its guilt for leaving thats all. In time if you are a strong couple then it will happen naturally. But until then just enjoy what you have, he is living with you after all. He is probably just finding it hard to finalise things.
She almost certainly knows about you, but is living in hope that he will return, so pushes it to the back of her mind. This does not mean he will go though. Unless you push him that is!
XX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I have to answer this question because I have been living with an amazing man for almost 2 years myself, and have not yet filed for divorce either. I do so love the man I'm with right now and have every intention of doing the deed, but after being married 20 years, I feel it's only right to let my h/b get used to life without me gradually because I know him too well and I know he has no friends or family to give him support once we get to that point. I was his whole world, even though I outgrew him sometime ago emotionally and was not in love with him for many years. Still I worry that he'll commit suicide once he figures out I'm not coming back. It's not a game. It's a carefully calculated move on my part to ease out of one relationship gently, giving everyone time to adjust to a different life - including me. I also want to know more about my new man, and figure out if we have a future together. It is weird by conventional standards, but if he's already living with you, I'd take that to be a good sign. Most people who are just playing around will still live at home (the safety net) and fool around behind their spouses backs. But if he's living with you, he has no intentions of going back home. My b/f and I don't "hide" we live a normal life, we go out, have friends over for dinner, we don't try to be secretive but don't try to be blatant either. There are lives at stake in both of these scenarios. As long as he's with you and treats you well, you can be assured that he loves you and plans to have a future with you. In time, he will do what needs to be done and he will need for you to be there for support. I wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 If his wife asked for a divorce and he moved out, then it seems to me that they actually broke up. How would the actual formal divorce be of any more impact on his children than the separation, the moving out? I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds weird to me. Maybe he hasn't let go of her emotionally yet and therefore doesn't want to divorce her. Maybe he does want to get back to her eventually but just now he is still pissed with her for earlier wanting a divorce, or for something else he hasn't told you about. And why doesn't she ask? Maybe she does but he tells you otherwise? Or maybe she actually does know?If it all feels good for you, then why think so much about it? But I would sure have wanted him to sort out his old business if it had been me. Especially if there are still emotions involved. And if he keeps you a secret to everybody he knows, which I suppose he must do if it is true that his wife really doesn't have a clue, then maybe you should ask him how he looks upon your relationship in the future, how he imagines it to be further on. Is he just playing with his doll houses?Wish you all the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 July 2007):
 If you think this is a fairytale then you must be one of the Brothers Grimm. Your relationship is a long cry from perfect if he's living with you but has a wife and kids and hasn't even started divorce proceedings. Tell him to move out until he gets the divorce rolling along. I'll bet he will give you all kinds of excuses, don't sucker for them. I agree he truly is amazing to be able to stall everybody off for a year and a half!
...............................
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (31 July 2007):
 You're right it is a fairy tale. If you're happy stay where you are at. If you want more, tell him. Be ready if he chooses to leave though, most people don't deal well with ultimatums. Decide what you want and do it. You are control of your own actions and destiny. What do you want?
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Maybe she knows exactly where he is and who he is living with, when my husband left i knew his every move.
Sometimes if you want someone that bad and you think there is a chance they might come back then you will put it to the back of your mind and try to ignore it.
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Shes scared to know the truth!I still think its weird hes not told her hes with someone new.Are you sure theres not more to this than meets the eye?C xxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe left his wife after she asked for a divorce and moved in with me a year and a half ago. She's apologized for this many times, but he doesn't want to be with her. For some reason she hasn't even asked where he lives or what he does in his spare time. It's really strange...
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 July 2007):
Be very careful. Someone that doesnt want to let their ex know they have met someone new, tends to be keeping there options open so they can go back if it goes tits up with their current beau.
Not always the case~! But just be careful.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Could you please clarify? How is it that you live with your boyfriend, but his wife hasnt noticed? Are you the live in nanny or something?
...............................
|
