A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am seeing a guy who is into porn and hasn't had much experience with women. It feels like he doesn't know the difference between porn and being with a real women.He's not romantic at all, doesn't make the effort to make me feel special,foreplay is virtually non-existent. He thinks saying a few nice things and being sleazy before he wants to have sex is a turn on when he doesn't make me feel special generally throught the day. One day we were watching tv and he put down his pants and just stared at me for sex expecting me to just give him a blow job like in unrealistic porn movies. I like this guy, but haven't experienced this before and don't know how to deal with this situation. We are both in our 30s. Should I have to teach this guy how to treat with women,be respectful etc? I have gone from being a very sexual, passionate and intimate women. To the point he couldn't keep up with me sexually too totally being turned off. Not sure what to do. Would be nice to get some advice from both men and women.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 Talk to him and tell him how he makes you feel, be completely honest with him tell him he needs to make more off an effort with you. If he doesn't change then end it because he never will.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 March 2017):
 No, you shouldn't have to teach him, and frankly nor can you because if he were interested in learning he'd have figured it out for himself long ago.
He's not simply a waste of time, sadly, he's actually quite toxic. In the short time he's already having a negative effect on you so I strongly suggest you cut him loose and block him completely before he has a chance to do more damage.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 Of course there's no foreplay, romance or respect... You dished out sex full throttle to a porn addict, in so much "he couldn't keep up with you sexually", and now complain he stares and expects you to service him like in those unrealistic porn movies.
And as much as he's unrealistic about women, you too fall in that category of unrealistic expectations of romance etc. from a sleaze. Sadly these 2 expectations don't mix.
You knew he had a problem with reality, everyone knows this about most porn addicts. Yet you still jumped his bones... how do you expect him to turn around from years of sleaze, too learn respect from you after that?
Had you held off from servicing him and taught him in the beginning how you like to be treated and weighed up your options if he's worthy, it would have been wise.
Now that you're totally turned off, it's like you finally got the message - you're being treated and expected to play act as his personal porn actress!?
Best you move on and save yourself the anguish and time of reforming him.
Take Care - CAA
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (10 March 2017):
This behavior is difficult to change and usually gets worse as the person wants to be more and more controlling and gratified. Your justified resentment will only worsen things as time goes on. Right now, you're probably seeing him at his best. This incompatibility is unacceptable, so it is time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2017):
 He sounds like an immature creep. Sorry. Someone who sees women as props in his life, for his pleasure.
The reason you have lost your sex drive is because he is killing it slowly but TAKING TAKING and giving none back. I mean, WHAT guy in his 30's doesn't know foreplay?
I don't think it's your job to teach him to be a decent person, decent BF or lover. And I don't think it's your job to even attempt to try and "make" him change. People don't change if they don't really want to. And this guy? Obviously, even with his crude tactics, he's been able to "hook" you, so why change?
DO date a guy for his potential.
Find someone more your own speed and standards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): Read your post. What do you think you should do? He doesn't make you feel sexy, and he isn't romantic. He's killing your desires and he acts like a teenager.
Sweetheart, what is the point of having a man around if he doesn't do anything to please you or make you feel loved?
You don't keep just any guy, just because you don't want to be alone. All he does is act like a big stupid kid and annoy you.
Ditch him, take a little break; then start dating selectively.
Look for all the things you want in a man, and keep looking until you find it. Be patient, everybody wants everything yesterday these days. They don't just enjoy dating as a recreational activity, where you get to meet different people, do and learn things. It's not a mission or a manhunt, it's supposed to be fun. Don't expect to turn every nice-guy into a boyfriend or a husband. Smart women learn their independence is just as important as having a man.
You settle-down once you have found that quality guy who has all the attributes you've wanted; and can reciprocate all the feelings you're able to give him. It takes time and you'll have to weed through a few. But everyone you meet offers you something to remember. Even that lug-nut you're putting up with now. He's a waste of precious time.
Clean house, and send him packing. He sounds stupid. He's too old not to know how to treat a woman. Maybe he should watch a few chick-flicks and get a clue. I mean real love stories, not the kind with chicks with...
You already know what to do. You say you like him?
From your description, what's there to like?
Hon, I think you're just settling.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (10 March 2017):
 You really need advice? You've painted the most awful picture of a real sleaze bag, who sees you purely as a sex object.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 March 2017):
 Women need to feel loved to want sex. It is no wonder you don't feel like having sex with him, if he doesn't make you feel loved.
You probably did yourself no favours by being all up for this type of sex at the beginning of your relationship. If he has little experience with women, he probably thought everything was ok and is now probably feeling very confused.
You need to explain to him that, whereas rampant jack-rabbit sex may be ok at the very start of a relationship, when it is very new and exciting for both parties, women's needs change as the relationship progresses. If you don't tell him, how is he to know?
If you genuinely like this guy (although I have to say there is nothing in your post to like about him), then it sounds like you are going to need to put in a lot of effort in educating him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): This guy is turning you off by the way he treats you during the day and simultaneously expecting you to be so excited by him that you drool at the thought of him dropping his pants!I think your intuition is insisting on a reality check!Perhaps this guy lacks finesse but he also seems to have botched his communication and connection with you.Some guys assume a lot of swearing and a rough manner is all a woman wants but this is just an embellishment of an over entitled ego.In a way, your own body is telling you that he is not the one for you.But you like him for now.So your mind is taking time to establish why your body is backing off.It must be time to rethink your expectations.Its never good to force your body into acquiesence, but some women do, just because it is expected of them and they dont want a drama.A break, breathing space, or breakup will give you time to reevaluate how you wish to define yourself in a relationship.
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