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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i kind of like this guy and i know for a fact that he likes me as he was over at my house over the weekend. he was talking to me and before i left to go to someone else's house, he wanted to know if i wanted his number so we could hang out sometime if i wanted to. i told him that i could get it from someone else and left. because of this he thinks that i don't like him, but he is nice and he also thinks that he said something wrong which isn't true at all as i had a great time talking to him. when i got home i found a note that he left and he said that he liked me and gave me his number so i could call if i wanted to. The problem is he kind of smells. am i being shallow about this? and also should i give him a chance as i have always been brought up to get to know someone by whats on the inside because whats on the inside is what really counts? also he is the first guy to ask me out as i have never been out on a date before as i have always focused on my schoolwork and was dealing with a past that has been haunting me for a while now. i feel really bad about how things were left and don't know what i should do. I would really appreciate it if someone could please help me with this as i am unsure what to do about this. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JSBach  +, writes (21 July 2009):
I assume that your boyfriend is a teenager. It's a fact that teenage boys sweat a lot more than before they hit puberty, so they need to take care of hygiene more. Simply showering regularly isn't the only thing - he mustn't then put on the shirt that he's been wearing for the past week! Sweat in itself isn't such a bad smell, but stale sweat can be really offensive. Part of the problem is that he doesn't know how smelly he is. So, it's down to you to tell him, to tell him to shower and change his clothes regularly and to use a deodorant. You're fortunate in that he's a boy, and they don't get offended as easily as girls. I have a teenage son, and he went through a very smelly phase, and it took plenty of nagging and straight talking to get him to change his ways.If you can't bring yourself to tell him straight, you can let him know anonymously using this site http://www.youreallysmell.com/If you enter his e-mail address, he will receive the message: "Dear Fred (or whatever his name is),We have been asked to send you this E-Mail to let you know that someone you know is concerned about your personal hygiene and was too embarrassed to tell you themselves.Basically, Fred, someone thinks you smell and they want you to do something about it."Straightforward and to the point. Although in my opinion it's best to start a relationship the way you mean to go on - with as much honesty as possible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): He might not know he smells. If you like him you can hang out with him, after you get to know him more, you can give him a hint, tell him to try this new shampoo or deodorant you saw at the supermarket or tell him you never wear the same shirt and pants twice. Ask him who is your dentist, if he doesn't have one give him your dentist's name, tell him he cleans your teeth very well, you never had problems with cavities, tell him your water is so high this month because you take a long shower every day, see if he gets your hint.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): A former lover gave me a pair of Chapsticks along with an udder cup that she gave me for my birthday. I took the hint that she wanted me to use some sort of lip moisturizer. Indeed, the gallons and gallons of liquids I drink per day could not help my lips, so that was the better alternative.
She felt that when we kissed, it almost feels like sand paper. That was years and years ago. Since then, I have used Chapstick quite often.
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What makes a person complete is not only what they have strictly on the inside or strictly on the outside. What makes a person complete is a combination of what that person is made of, inside AND outside. Often, people may tell you that only personality matters, but that is an extreme illusion those same people try to believe in. It is unrealistic to only look at a person's personality when intimacy is involved.
Indeed, looks, smells and strength may deteriorate over time and in your elder years, but say you are 18 to 21. Let's say you live a healthy life and you live to 95. Yes, all humans may one day become wrinkly, but I haven't seen much signs of aging from my own parents until they were well into their 50's. Therefore, you still have at least 30 to 35 years, before you show signs of physical deterioration.
The surface, the outside is just as important as a person's personality. A person's looks may not be the most important thing, no of course not, but it is a part of the calculation of being 'complete'.
No no, I am not saying that your expectations 'should' be high, but recognize humanity realistically and you may realize that a person's looks is just as important as a person's personality. Of course, when you do find someone's personality attractive, their surface becomes even more attractive.
There is nothing shallow for wanting both things, especially when they are realistic traits that are part of the attraction factors.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 You did not say exactly how he smells or where. If it is body odour be brutal. This is a guy you like. What will your friends think when you introduce him. Some people do not realise that they can have all the baths and showers in the world but forget that they have to wash their clothes as well. Maybe do this discretly for him if he stays with you. Buy him some nice shower gell and tell him thhis is your favorite. He may use it before meeting up with you.
You need to tell him. It is hard but he probably does not realise. He may have overactive glands. If the smel is from his mouth, he may hae dental decay.
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