A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm seeing this girl. She's not usually what I would go for.. Like she's really cute. Maybe a 5.9/10 on my scale. I usually date 7/10's and up... I'm involved with this girl because I'm looking for someone to share my time with and someone who really understands me. She fits that perfectly. I really enjoy her but the thing is...I'm not exactly attracted to her 100%... Sometimes when she dresses up I feel like I would be embarrassed to take her out. She wears "Hater Blockers", those over sized sunglasses that could cause an eclipse on your face. They look stupid on anyone! Some of the clothes she chooses isn't that attractive. She's not very girly.. That's a big turn off.. like her nails are never painted. Her hair is always nice and she keeps her face skin clean... Sometimes her breath smells. The hygiene issue really bother me. If she don't wash her toes God knows she doesn't wash what's under those clothes!I really enjoy her company. I like her. I think she's just young and naive. I'm not in love with her. I want to continue dating her but damn if something doesn't give. I will... How do I talk to her about this? Am I wrong to express my unattractiveness to her? I would want her to tell me if it were the other way around. If I bought her clothes, perfume and steered her taste would I be wrong? Is that trying to change someone??? Give me some advice please! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ninetoes  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 wow, there have been an awful lot of negative posts since I wrote something earlier today!I'm not going to lie, you do come across as being a little shallow, but at the same time I understand what you are trying to say. Maybe coming out and rating her out of ten isn't a very nice way of putting it, or a very good way of seeing the world...but again, I stand by the fact that if her hygiene is bad, maybe something could tactfully be said.Again, changing her style is bad!But...who knows? I don't know you, and I don't know her. Maybe you are being over the top and I'm misjudging you. But I do think that the way you are going about thinking about it and doing it aren't the best way, and I stand by the fact that if her hygiene is terrible, you can still say something nicely and it is alright!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Here's a tip for YOU:
Women don't exist in this world to be aesthetically pleasing to you. It might be difficult, but try to imagine that when she wakes up in the morning, she DOESN'T have to think of different things to do to make it to 10 on your scale.
Second, grow a pair and learn to deal with THE HUMAN BODY, which wasn't designed to smell like flowers so it wouldn't offend your delicate sensibilities!
If you can't, you could always go out and find some vapid girl who's polished and buffed herself up to "attract a mate". Trust me, you aren't doing this current girl any favours by "going below your standards", and I think you'd be more suited to a 3/10 personality girl anyway.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionninetoes is the only person who understand what I'm asking.
This really does sound arrogant.
As far as everyone else, I'm dating someone below my standards because I like her personality. I don't think I'm being so arrogant giving her a chance. I'm just getting a little turned off in the process. C'mon! Re-read this and give me a break!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOhhh and this is a TIP for all you guys.
When I meet a woman. One of the first things I look at are their finger nails and their toes.
If that's dirty then this is a strong sign that they aren't high on their hygiene.
If they don't wash their toes and fingernails, what makes you think they wash their womanly parts???
I hate to be blunt, but this is often the truth and this is why I value clean fingernails and toes...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLook, she dresses fairly nice most of the time. It's just that she believes she doesn't care what anybody thinks about how she looks so sometimes she just throws on whatever... Bums it pretty pretty bad... Wears flip flops in winter. I like women who try to dress up and look good to attract a mate. The hygiene issue is clearly unattractive. Her kisses can be fowl tasting and her fem hygiene is definitely not clean.... I know she doesn't go up in it and clean it daily. (I know...) I like her for herself. I like her because shes fun, honest and a good person at heart... But I find some of this very unattractive. I'm not trying to be arrogant. If I was arrogant I would call her a dirty hoe use her and bounce... I just feel like she's naive. I didn't want to be this blunt but you're interpreting me as arrogant.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I tell you what, I think you have found a really good catch here but as you are so arrogant, maybe you should let her go and find a guy who isn't so stuck up his own arse and find yourself a 10/10!
She deserves better than some idiot who is going to try to change who she is!
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A
female
reader, ninetoes +, writes (13 April 2009):
I totally understand what you're trying to say!
I think that you should maybe pick and choose your battles. Pick the issue that is the biggest issue for you, the one you really can't deal with...and if I were you, I'd zoom right in on the hygiene issue. Maybe you don't agree with her sense of style, but style is unique, and that is a part of her, I don't think you should try and change that.
If it really bothers you that much, then maybe she's not the right girl for you. But as time passes, you might fall in love, and style is one of those things that you probably won't even think about. But if that doesn't happen, then maybe it wasn't meant to be!
(bad hygiene can always be mentioned as long as it's tactful lol)
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A
female
reader, OSCARS MUMMY +, writes (13 April 2009):
 i would leave this poor girl alone and allow her to find someone who truly likes her for the way she is... yes you are brutally honest, but also sound very shallow to me - i wonder deep down if she would like to change anything about you??? Yes you could hint about nail polish, or say gosh have you had garlic today(?) (i'm not very tactful either) but i do honestly think shes not the girl for you and you are obviously just with her for the sake of having someone which is not fair to her, i feel sorry for her if she knew exactly how she felt she would be heart broken poor girl
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A
female
reader, Irish girl  +, writes (13 April 2009):
Omg are you serious?!
How vain are you?! Yes it does seem like your changing her!!
You should be with someone that you click with on every level,this girl is obviously not for you!!
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