A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a man in a chat room on July of this year. We didn't talk much in pm but when we did, I was mostly seeking his advice on something. I always showed a certain interest in the cat room because I liked his personality. Not once had I seen his photo or seen him on cam - as I have now. Thing is, he's 40 and I'm 18. At first he wasn't so okay with the situation and he thought I was 20. He told me he did in fact like me but that I was too young. I convinced him otherwise and he has showed me that he has an interest in me. He lives in a different state than I do but it just so happens that I have an aunt who lives where he does and my mother says she wants to move there before next Fall. He is a nice, decent man. I'm sure he's not a pervert. He is of course private of his personal life but has hinted that I'll learn of it in time. Now, I just want to do an if situation with you guys. If I actually do move to the state he's in (he already knows there's a possibility of me doing it because I mentioned it once, not because he asked) how would it be? I just worry on the fact that I'm sure society wouldn't approve of seeing us say going on a date and..they could think he's my father. I see him as a man and age is just a number but I know my mother won't see it that way.
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female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 be very cautious. If you go on my profile you can see the details of my relationship with an older man. Bear in mind i'm from the uk where legal age is 16. I would say that age isn't a problem, however the way this man is slowly feeding you info makes him seem really manipulative. I met my guy on the net too, but we talked for over a year and a half before we met. At first the age was attractive, now it's a massive barrier for us, we know we have to end and that although neither of up want it to be the case he will be far too old for me one day unfortunately too soon.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I'm with you, Serpico. "I met a man in a chat room on July of this year" and the other one "He is of course private of his personal life but has hinted that I'll learn of it in time" are the two sentences that say it all. I know this will fall on deaf ears but I have to say it, No way is this a good scenario.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 October 2010):
"I met a man in a chat room on July of this year"
Honestly, does anyone need more information than this sentence?
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (25 October 2010):
 you are infatuated with the idea of this man...u never met him. the prospect of u moving to his area makes u wanting to talk to him more and more. i suggest reducing contact with him,and if u ever do move,suggest meeting somewhere in public. don't get affectionate with him and dont get into his car.
u are matture for ur age and im guessing guys ur age look immature to u. u can try dating a 25 y/o guy. 40 is way too old.I once dated a man who was 9 years older than me and i felt his mind was 30 years older than mine! I learned a lot but I went through a lot also! Be careful!
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female
reader, RW2010 +, writes (25 October 2010):
Ok first of all you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. At that age you should not be ready to settle down and you do not think of the consequences of your actions untill they have already happened. I believe that if a 40 year old man is interested in a girl your age he has got issues, he is old enough to be your father. You still have college and life to experience. I am 18 also but i have been through so much that it has made me grow in maturity tremendously. you are only young once so enjoy it girl and live life to the fullest.
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female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 It isn't that the age is such a major issue in this situation, it is more a case in weighing pros and cons.
Do you really know this man well enough to risk a relationship strain with your mother? Do you know him and care about him enough to deal with the inevitable judgements?
I'm not saying people having a right to judge - I'm saying that you are young, and I'm sure you have plenty of options. Maybe you feel that he is the one for you - and that is fine - but be prepared to defend the relationship every step of the way. Be prepared to possibly lose some friends, maybe upset your mother. If he is someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with, I would say that it is worth it. But if you are even a slight bit ambivolent I would say, maybe reconsider.
You don't have to date this man to have him in your life. You can have him as a friend, and that is possibly something that maybe he is more suited for. Besides, the fact that he hasn't been forthcoming about his personal life is troubling. You are taking a large risk and gamble on this relationship, at a very young age - and he should be willing to take a risk as well, by being completely open and honest.
Hope everything works out for you! :)
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 October 2010):
 auntybimbim, that could be good advice but this could possibly scare the guy off even if he is a decent man himself and his intentions are honorable.
I think you should do something like that, maybe ask the advice of one of those people auntybimbim mentioned, but I wouldn't have them talk to the guy. Not until he states that he wants to for sure date you. right now it seems like its in that fuzzy grey area
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (25 October 2010):
Uncle Larry's is here,
Age is a number yet it can be an obstacle as well. I couldn't get a feel for you so I will just say this. When I see a lot of reserved girl posting here I know age wouldn't matter. I know they wouldn't be interested in clubs, hanging all nights with friends, nor wishing for to be with 8 more guys before they settle down. I see why he's feeding her bit by bit and know I don't see the point of an open book. I would caution though the potential of him being married. Keep that in mind as you go alone. Save his conversation then go through it and make sure its the same pattern. The truth will always be the same no matter how you spin it.
I don't think you talk him into it. I don't think he ever had a problem with age at all. I think he's going slow and been very cautious as it should be. You have the opportunity now to dig as deep as you like and get to know his character before you know the man. Keep people out of your relationship its a killer.
Just get to know they guy and don't rush anything, when he ready he'll open up.
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A
female
reader, bella.. +, writes (25 October 2010):
 to be honest i think you should think about it. YOu are bearly staring a life he already life alot, many experiences but mmm i wouldnt recommend you being with him. Think about it you might regret it later on.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (25 October 2010):
 I think he's too old for you. And maybe you should think about what is it about him being an older man that you're really attracted too? BC..you know nothing about him other than he's an older man! Is it something missing in your life that you feel he can fulfill? That wouldn't be fair,to him. So..My advice would be to allow him to find that 20 year old that he'll feel comfortable with, as he has stated to you. That will save you time & heartache.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 October 2010):
 So you have seen him on webcam, and know he is who he says he is? You do sound very mature for 18 and are taking a precautious approach in this situation. The only thing I question in your post, is why hasn't he shared his personal life with if he has an interest in you? When I like someone I want to know everything about them.
Other than that, when you move see where it could go with him, it's possible he's still put off by you still being a teenager. If you do get together with him, you will always be mistaken for his daughter in public, that is something you will just have to correct, and ignore the stares, dirty looks you will attract. Your mother doesn't have to prove but seeing as you are a legal adult you can make your own choice of who you can date. Just assure her your head is screwed on correctly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): I would find somebody your age. He could be your father.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Why dont you ask a responsible male adult in your life, your father, an uncle, or trusted family friend, to contact this nice decent man and ask him what his intentions are, if this nice decent man's intentions are honourable he wont have a problem with that.
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