A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So.. My boyfriend and I are great together. We get along, and are very much attached. One problem.. He asked me if I've ever been intimate with a black man. I lied and said no. (we are both white). I ask him what's the difference even if I had? He said he wouldn't be able to be intimate with me anymore. I'm so scared to lose him, but he wont accept my past if I told him? I feel like I should end it as hard as it may be. Cause it seems like it will be the same outcome either way if he ever finds out.what should I do? :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): You know what, we all have our prejudices. It is human. Not all of us speak up about them though. We keep them private. So.... let's not all be holier than thou here! And part of a relationship is accepting the person as they are, including their prejudices. If your relationship is good, is working, then why end it over something like this? My family uses the N word when they are together. So what? We also make fun of our own nationality. Gee, black people call themselves the N word!! People take things too hard. Too seriously, you know? Life isn't that neatly packaged and neither are people. Someone may not like you right now for whatever reason and have prejudices against you.I would never ever sleep with a black man. There, I admit it. I do have black friends and have nothing against black people. But I do not find them sexually attractive and would never date one. Would I hate my boyfriend if he was ever with a black woman? NO! My ex husband dated a Chinese girl. Big flipping deal! But remember, WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. And we all have different tolerance levels. Who are you to say what is right or wrong? It is what he is thinking. What bothers him. He is entitled to his thoughts. So, that is the way it is. Live and let live people.Should my boyfriend leave me now too because I am a bigot as well???If it isn't broken OP, don't make mountains out of molehills. Whatever comes, comes. Just enjoy what you have.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (9 November 2014):
Be glad he showed you his true nature. Because for all the things you have in common and whatever, that right there shows what he's really like. He is not only racist, but he basically blatantly told you he considers you not good enough if you slept with someone he doesn't approve of. That alone shows he's a control freak, and frankly not a good person. Don't tell him the truth about your past (he doesn't deserve it) and ditch him for being a bigot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is indeed racist. He called them the N word but still has black friends and relatives. He says its okay to be friends but if you have sex with them you're dorty and a N lover :(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Lying makes the truth much worse than if you had just said you would not discuss it with him. Next time somebody has a problem I suggest you just say "not going there" and let them make up their own mind how important it is to them.
I would either come clean or break up. Maybe both.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Maybe you should ask him why he has an issue with black men. It sounds like he's a bit racist or something. I wouldn't want to date anybody who has such views and feelings on other people...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): There is no reason to ever tell him.
How would he ever find out anyway?
Just let it be.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Know what I mean?
And in this case, what he knows won't hurt him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 November 2014):
 Why would you want to date someone who is a bigot?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Janniepeg is right, it is either one or both reasons that she has outlined. It is up to you whether you tell him or not, you don't have to if you prefer not to. A lot of white men that I have known have this attitude, but "big" and "small" men come in all colours.
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A
male
reader, Zemllacyeht +, writes (9 November 2014):
Ask yourself if you really want to date someone who discriminates against other races. He's acting as if you are tainted if you did have sex with a black male. What a shame
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 The difference is that people hear black men are more well endowed. If you've had bigger than him then he's not going to feel like the best. Maybe he saw interracial porn and felt inadequate. Or it's a racial thing like a woman degraded herself to be with a black man.
I would like to end it just basing on either mentality. Also it's possible he had a bad experience in which an ex left him to be with a black man. Or she'd had a black man before him and felt he was small after the comparison. With the lying he past this race issue but then others would come up, such as have you had a bigger size, or men who lasted longer, or what else you did.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (9 November 2014):
 Sounds like there is some racism on his part. If there is, it's not going to involve this one issue...
It'll affect your life if you have friends that are black (or any other race for that matter), family members that are biracial, even neighbors or teachers/bosses that you like and respect that are of another race...
Believe me, I have been there. And, I have had to end relationships and friendships with people who had racist ideals.
You need to question whether or not you can handle being with someone who has racist ideas; and end it as you see fit.
It's no fun being around people that feel that way...
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