A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently left my wife, for a girl, I have been having an affair with for two years.she always promised to move to my part of the country, as I have children.Now, she refuses, because she can't bear to give up her life or lifestyle.This "lifestyle" among other things, contains a "friendly" relationship with somebody at work.I discovered over 100 phone calls to this man in the space of 1 month. That doesn't include texts(either way) or calls from him to her.On one day alone, she rang him TWELVE times.I know for a fact that she had ignored my calls and texts late at night, to phone him. Even on my birthday, when she was coming to visit me!!She insists they are just friends, but has now PIN coded her phone, and locked out her email account.When I confronted her and threatened to ring him, she send our relationship would be over if I did.Am I being stupid??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): First off your an a$$ for cheating on your wife, I personally think that you getting cheated on, is carma, enjoy fella!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): Well, isn't that something. I say we people sometimes let our egos take the best out of us, or in your case make a fool of yourself. My husband cheated on me, so I know how it feels to be your wife, it's not good. Thing is that now that I treat him with indifference, he is afraid of me leaving him for another men. We want what we can't have and our children suffer in the process. Hope you learned your lesson.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): You got what you deserved. How do you think your wife felt when left her for someone else?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): i think that you should have discussed what was going on in more detail before you left your wife. obviously the girl was not sure that you would leave your wife, and as you had someone else decided that she could too. i also think that you left because the marriage you were in was wrong and suggest you start moving forward and not looking back.you wouldnt have had an affair if you didnt need one so look at what was wrong and seek a new person but talk about the situation at hand and be clear on what you both want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): You thought this girl was soo much better than your wife, now you r finally realising that nobody is perfect and that you left the love of your life and your kids for a dream that was way too good to be true!!ahah,, karma my friend karma!!!that girl is probably seeing many guys, she just wanted your attention, now she's got it, boring. She's going for the next victim!!Lets not forget that she might me resentfull since it took u 2 years to leave your wife.....pooooorr uuu
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 January 2007):
 Tooooooo Bad for you :( What comes round goes around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): The lesson here is:
You can't really trust a woman who has an affair with a married man!
It sounds like it is time to forget about her.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (26 January 2007):
 So, let me get this straight...you're allowed your wife, but are suprised when a person who you cheated with is cheating on you? Hurts doesnt it! I think you will have to accept the fact that once this relationship looked like turning serious, she rethought some things, and decided she wasnt ready for a serious commitment to you. I think you will have to confront her and get her to commit, or face the fact that it's over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): This sad state of affairs is as old as the hills...they say that life is full of lessons to be learned...sadly you have just been given a huge lesson. We all are vulnerable and do things we regret...that is what makes us human... I hope that your wife might give you another go....I am wondering what things have been like for her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (26 January 2007):
 Referring to a woman (which I presume she is) as a girl always sounds slightly seedy.
You have been played by a player. Busted!! She was enjoying herself when it wasn't exclusive probably because she doesn't want to commit. You are complaining now because you made an error of judgement in ditching you marriage and morals (oh, and wife) to be with her. I make no judgement of her as she was not the one who had anyhting to loose. You on the other hand did, and now it has come back and bitten you on the arse in a big way.
You are checking up on her because you know how easy it is to cheat, and you know how easy it is to get caught out. She is entitled to privacy and you not trawling thru her phone and email account.
You where unfaithful and lied to your wife for two years before you where big enough to come clean and leave her. So how can you expect this woman who was complicit with you in this affair to jsut jump up when you call. Maybe she has realised if you can do this to your wife, you may do this to her.
You want to know something. I think you need to move on from this woman. You need to accept your marriage is over, dump this woman and start to live your life as a single bloke, accepting of yourself and your own faults before embarking on a new relationship.
Just my opinion, for what it is worth.
x
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (26 January 2007):
 So what you're saying is that even though you cheated on your wife with this woman for two years that you think it's appaling that she's cheating on you? And you're what? 41-50? I don't know what you expected to be perfectly honest. If this girl didn't mind being the other woman for two years she's sure as hell not going to mind you being the other man now.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): Narcissus was so in love with himself that when he stared in a pool of water he fell in love with himself and could not move, he died there. You have stared into a pool of water and not found love.
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A
female
reader, vero05  +, writes (26 January 2007):
your not being stupid.if she cant move in where u whant to live,dump her shes not worth it.but u have to ask yourself : do i love this woman more than my wife? shold i risk my heart?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): *covers hand over mouth and laffs* Oh my heck Ponungalungb...that is... a very effective point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): What goes around comes around, sorry to sound so harsh. But how do you think you left your wife felt??? You thought the grass would be greener on the other side, jumped the fence and landed in a big pile of POO!! Well that's life! I just hope you are not looking to us aunts for sympathy! Sorry but you are getting just what you deserve, your fingers well and truly burnt. She is just doing to you what you did to your wife, playing around.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 I think Malyce has hit this one on the head.
Your case is a prime example of someone leaving their common sense behind because "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence." Lots of people who seek advice on this site are looking to do exactly what you did (with better results, I'm sure). Hopefully, they'll read your letter and decide that sometimes what looks like greener grass is actually horse shit with a fresh coat of green paint.
You need to move on. Maybe your ex-wife will take you back, if you're lucky. You left your wife and children for a pipe dream. That pipe dream has come back to bite you on the ass. Lesson learned. . . hopefully.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): We all like to think we're somehow special and that when we meet someone that person treats us better than they'd treat someone else - that's love - apparently - sadly though, that's not true and people aren't like that.
If this girl was happy to play a part in your infidelity then she probably has no issue with doing to you, what you did to your wife. It's her morality - not your her fault, nor yours. But you knew what she was made off, so you should perhaps not be surprised that she is behaving this way.
It sounds like you aren't acknowledging that this girl is being unfaithful to you? You're not being stupid, but if it's a faithful stable monogamous relationship you are after... I don't think she's what you're looking for. You also refer to her as a girl - rather than a women. She sounds it too.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (26 January 2007):
 Busted!!! She was getting down with a married man, what made you think she had no more on the side? So she's not gonna give up her lifestyle. So what you gonna do? Live with it or get out of this relationship. Since you brought this on yourself, let me say again: BUSTED!!!:-P
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): I'm sorry but what did you expect? She was okay with having an affair with a married man? She sounds manipulative and self involved. She lied to you. She mislead you into believing if you choose her, you would be together and she would be faithful.
This obviously isn't the case now is it? She will use your affair with her to hold it over you and taunt you and make you feel like crap and an idiot for leaving your wife. This is an abusive trait.
Yes. You are being stupid.
Do you care about having this relationship with her? That she mocks you and disrespects you...I'm sorry but you brought this on yourself.
End it and ring up the other guy. She wont' care overly...she'll find other victims.
Get some counselling while you are at it. You'll need it.
Best Wishes.
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