A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's been four months now since I walked away from my alcoholic boyfriend of two years. I have not contacted him once, nor have I been anywhere near where he might be. This space is well needed for me to get my head straight and not get back on the rollercoaster ride and start seeing again. I know I can't go back, he won't get help and I'm not stupid enough to think I can change him so I have walked away.still hurts tho, I really really loved him. I don't need alon or anything like that, but my heart just aches for this man who really is a great guy underneath. He loves me, he just loves alcohol more. The binges were getting longer and the sober times shorter. Its not a relationship and he'll drag me down. I'm really proud of myself for finally seeing sense and making changes to my life to move forward. I keep busy with friends all the time, thank God I have loads and loads of friends and a fabulous family, I work, go to the gym. But everynow and then, ouch, my heart aches and I miss him incredibly. Never a violent man, quite the opposite, adorable. Things will get better with time for me right, I dont want to yearn for him forever.
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alcoholic, move on, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (11 July 2011):
 No matter what decision your head makes; it doesn't automatically mean your heart will jump to attention and fall immediately into line. You obviously had a strong bond with your ex and yes, like with any loss it will take time. It may feel like a endless black tunnel but it isn't and with time your heart will heal itself. It's just impossible for you to see this because you are the one hurting. It's always harder when there is no loss of love and you know that despite everything your partner loves you; it's like a shard of a dagger left in your heart.
Your ex is sick; he has an illness which he needs to get treatment for and without knowing more its hard to suggest how this would happen. He is obviously in denial about the problem he has. It's hard to give you specific advice on this one because as far as I can tell your doing pretty much the right things. Your avoiding contact which would complicate your head's decision and perhaps undermine it in your own mind. Your keeping your head down and getting on with life which is what is needed to make the healing process work.
All that can be really said is give yourself time. Don't expect this to happen over night, because if you push yourself you will make it worse. Just let nature take its course and, in time, you will heal yourself. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 You did the right thing and I'm glad you were smart enough to see that he wasn't going to change. You seem to be handling things pretty well. You will be able to move on, it's just going to take some time since you did love him. Just keep doing what you're doing and maybe go find some dates to go on. And whenever you think about him, just remind yourself that he couldn't and never will be able to put you first and give you what you want. Hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Good for you, Leaving him was the best decision, even though you love him, by walking away you illustrated that you love yourself more. which is a good thing of course, because relationships with an alcoholic only can result to an emotional downfall on your part and you dont deserve that stress, you deserve better. You need to keep on surrounding yourself with your supportive friends and relatives. Its difficult at times but eventually you will get over him.
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