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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey everyone, about a month ago I started seeing this guy and he was an absolute sweetheart to me and things were going well...Anyway, last night we went on a date and we planned that I would stay at his house for the night. We had sex multiple times and it was amazing, but halfway through the night and after he was asleep, I was wide awake and I kind of had a panic attack as to why I was in bed with him. It came out of nowhere and was completely irrational and stupid, but I was so freaked out for some reason that I crept out of bed, got up and left. The next morning I wake up to a text from him saying, "Why was it that I woke up this morning and there was an empty space next to me, I thought I meant more to you but obviously not...don't ever contact me again." then he deleted me off facebook. I feel so incredibly upset and guilty that I hurt him like this, and its KILLING me. I don't know why I left that night and I shouldn't have!!! Should I try to contact him or just accept it and leave it alone?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Well he jumps the gun doesn't he? Instead of calling you and ask what happened, he assumes you ditched him and deletes you straight off, no warning, no checking to see what happened.
Yes, you were rude to leave like that, but come on, the guy isn't thick skinned, getting offended without even hearing the cause. Maybe just as well he deleted you? Can you be with someone who always assumes the worst and goes out all the way at first sign of trouble? Next I believe he'd dump you over forgetting to respond to a text! Drama. Who needs that.
But if you really like him, sure. There are ways to salvage this unless he truly is a thin-skinned person who gets offended by all and everything (in which case you wouldn't want to be with him anyway). What excuse did you text him? I hope you didn't say "I panicked laying next to you", but rather said "I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to wake you up. I am sorry this upset you so much, I had a lovely time with you and cared for you, but I respect your decision to not talk again." If he doesn't respond, well, tough luck, but there are other fish in the sea. You want a man who can accept all your quirks anyway at the end of the day.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I disagree with some posters, it IS a big
deal and I think if the roles had been reversed ( the girls wakes up and the guy has vanished like a thief ) we'd all be bashing him savagely and consoling the girl " Oh sweetheart, he does not deserve you, he's a jerk, etc.etc " .
You should have left a NOTE " Sorry, I did not feel well ( or I could not sleep and did not want to wake you up- or something )thank you for the amazing night, call me, xxx ".
No pen and paper at hand ? You could have left a message in his answering machine, or sent him a text - not in the middle of the night, but early morning so he could find it right after noticing you had gone.
Now you have explained, you have apologized, and cannot do anything more than wait. Probably pretty soon he will cool down and get over it. But if he does not, it's not because he's an hysterical drama queen , it's because he wants to be treated with respect and now he doubts you would do that .
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (27 September 2011):
Be patient, you tried calling and you texted him...don't panic again if you don't hear from him soon (in other words, don't try contacting him again). If he seriously never talks to you again over this (which I think is fairly minor; a little insulting but not unforgiveable), he's a douche and be glad he's out of your life.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 hmm, not sure about this. if he really liked you why would he want to just bin you like that just for leaving in the middle of the night? you might have had a really important reason. he could have at least asked you for why and heard you out, sounds like he might be using it for an excuse, sorry
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much guys, he wouldnt pick up when I called him so I just texted him explaining what happened and apologized. He's not responding. You're right, 'YouWish'...I really think I have killed the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): You might be able to fix things with this guy if you make him understand that you left because the night had too much emotional impact on you, not too little.Next time you're gonna do this, at least leave a note. That would have gone a long way towards smoothing things over.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (26 September 2011):
You need to tell him why you left. I have done that before and frankly I dont think its a big deal. Just be straight and honest. If he doest understand move on!! its better that this happened early on in the relationship rather then later when you can seriously get hurt. Just tell him. If hes gona make that big a deal out of it then move on hes not for you.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (26 September 2011):
Do you have feelings for him?? because y did you have a panic attack? is there something else underneath that. You are your own person and can make your own decisions. he reacted a little harshly but if you feel for him just explain your feelins
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): You are human.
You panicked.
You left.
That's OK.
What is not OK, is leaving it like this. You need to talk to him, if he will talk, and tell him the truth. If he won't talk, then write a letter, send it certified mail, return receipt requested, and make sure that he reads it, if he doesn't, contact a friend of his, send the letter to him, and tell him to read it to him.
Do what it takes, to make sure he understands that it was not him, that it was you panicking. By the way, this isn't all that unusual.
Sex is highly loaded emotionally, a lot of neurotransmitters are blasting off while it is going on, and you had a "bad trip" in the after effects. Just like drugs.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2011):
 It's plain and simple. You hurt him pretty badly. He thought he had a budding relationship, and you took off like a thief in the night with no explanation, not even a note or an email he could read in the morning with an apology.
What's puzzling to me is why you were having a panic attack in his bed. Why were you panicking? You'd already had tons of sex and you had known him for a month. Were you having second thoughts about the guy? Were there red flags? Have you ever had panic attacks over a guy? A bad experience?
As for this guy, this might be a very painful lesson to you that this isn't the way you handle things. You don't sneak out in the middle of the night. If a guy had done that for a girl, we'd all say that he was a no good user who just used her for sex. He probably thinks that of you now. Not true, but next time, you stay there and/or wake him up and let him know you're going and that it's not his fault, OR you write the note or email and explain that it had nothing to do with him.
Now, you killed the relationship. You should apply what you've learned to future relationships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Ok... I know it is bad to "lie", but make something up... I would tell him you got your period in the middle of the night and didn't have any pads or tampons with you and you were too embarrassed to tell him about it, so you left. Tell him you're sorry for not letting him know, but that it's a "girl" thing and you thought he'd be uncomfortable. That ought to get him to chill out :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 You should just give yourself time now and think about why you did what you did. You got up abruptly after sex and left. There must be some reason in your mind as to why you did that. Guilt? Unsure of your actions? Unsure of your feelings for him? Feeling that something isnt right?
Rather than apologizing to him or contacting him and trying to set things right, do some introspection first. Sometimes everything about a relationship seems right, but then at some stage you just feel its not. For you, it could have been that you were either not ready for sex, or just the fact that you mentioned, as to why you were in bed with that man.
I personally dont think you're ready for this relationship yet. Dont get back with him because it wont be fair to him. Look, its a blow to him in multiple ways. He has every right to be mad at you and you just have to accept that. And henceforth, be sure about what you want before you get physical with a man. Sex is not just about the act, it has a whole lot of feelings involved in it.
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female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (26 September 2011):
He's hurt.
If you have a email address email him how you felt or even send a letter and then wait til he's ready for contact again, if he ever is
He might think you saw it as a one night stand and he may find it hard to trust you now
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (26 September 2011):
Well you kind of left him like a one-night-stand. Although I do think he's acting a bit "womanly" about it, I think he has a legit reason to be upset; however, this could actually be a blessing in disguise.
Personally, I think most guys would ask why you left rather than just going off on a tangent and telling you to never talk to him again. So could show he's got some anger issues...but I don't know the guy.
It's really up to you--if you like the guy then call him and try to explain yourself. But then again, if you really liked him, would you really have left in the middle of the night?
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