A
male
age
30-35,
*urch
writes:Alright, so I've got a "happy" problem; there are two girls who like me.Some time ago I asked a girl out. We'll call her Brunette. She couldn't go on our first date; she had work. She couldn't go on our second date; she had to babysit. And she couldn't go on our third date; she had Soccer. So, you might gather that Brunette is not too interested. But she actually is. We text all the time, we talk at school and we flirt. She's just a busy girl.So anyways, school is over now and we are both looking forward to her having more extra time so we could actually go out. So here's the problem. My best friend told me today that a girl, we'll call her Redhead, likes me.Now, I liked Redhead before I started talking to Brunette.Redhead has a lot of the same friends as I do and shes easy to talk to.Brunette hangs out with kind of the "wrong crowd" and I'm a little nervous and awkward around her.They're both unbelievably beautiful, which really makes me wonder why they're interested in me, but that's besides the point.My best friend, the one who told me of Redhead's feelings has been wary of Brunette since I started talking to her. Mostly because of the people she hangs out with. He also feels that she could be leading me on, which is a fair assessment, but one that I don't believe to be true.At the moment my plan is to see things through with Brunette, and if things don't work out, see if Redhead is still interested.This is my plan because I feel, if I just dropped Brunette and decided to pursue Redhead I would feel like a pretty big ass.I've made somewhat of a commitment to Brunette and I couldn't just up and leave her. I have to see it through.I guess, I fear that my friend will be right and Brunette and I will lead to nothing and by that time Redhead will have moved on.As you can probably see my head is not too organized, but I suppose I'm just asking: How do I choose? I don't expect you to tell me who to choose, because that's up to me, but just how to choose.
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male
reader, Murch +, writes (26 June 2010):
Murch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, yeah. I said in the original question that I've kind of made a commitment to Brunette, and to just go and start dating Redhead would make me feel like an ass.
And I do like Brunette a lot and things have already sort of progressed with her, at least more than they have with Redhead, and I really want to see how things will turn out for me and Brunette.
But as I've said before I still have feelings for Redhead and it's hard to just ignore them.
That's why I'm on here, because I just don't know how to make sense of it all.
On a side note: I forgot to mention that Redhead is the same age as me and Brunette is a year younger.
A
female
reader, *brea//babbby.  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 It sounds like your mind is already set and you are going to choose Brunette even though you are telling yourself and us that you still have thoughts about Redhead.
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A
male
reader, Murch +, writes (23 June 2010):
Murch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thanks for all the responses guys.
The majority of you said to kind of spend time with both of them and make a decision further down the road.
I see the benefit of that, but as itspattay pointed out, there are some negative affects too.
However, it's still the best way to do this I think.
This is a little hard to explain, but when I asked Brunette out, I didn't know her at all. It was a very weird thing for me to just ask a girl out without knowing her, but I was attracted and... motivated. See, my last girlfriend was one of my best friends. Things didn't work out and after we broke up, which was over a year ago things were awkward and we haven't been friends since.
I really regret ruining that friendship and I guess that's what motivated me to ask Brunette out because if anything happened I wouldn't get hurt.
So you can probably see my point in why I'm not sure about dating Redhead.
I know that's kind of a stupid reason not to date someone, but I'm still pretty upset about losing that friendship with my last girlfriend, and I don't know if I'm ready to try that again.
I say all this because a lot of you seem to "vote" for Redhead because we have the same friends and stuff, and you seem to not "vote" for Brunette because we have different friends. But as you can see that's kind of exactly what I want.
All of this doesn't rule Redhead out at all. I still like her and there's nothing to say that she'll be just like my last girlfriend, but it's possible so I think I'm right to be at least a little cautious.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (23 June 2010):
 I agree with the people that are saying you can test both waters on a friend-level...but MY gut says redhead's cooler. plus you liked her from the beginning! i know you said not to choose who, but I don't like how flakey brunette is, even if she is busy, why'd she even commit to THREE different dates if she knew she couldn't make it (it's not like soccer appears out of the blue); you're comfortable with redhead (I think?); and brunette is shady with her 'bad crowd' thing, you're only as good as the company you keep, and the company you keep is redhead's scene.
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A
female
reader, Liza999 +, writes (22 June 2010):
why choose now? These are just the beginning stages with both of them, you haven't even been on a date with brunette
I think you can see redhead guilt free as well? there is nothing wrong with cessing the situation out first before making your choice. As long as your not making out with both of them or pretending to be committed. Enjoy the two girls and soon you will be able to know who you would rather spend more time with, instead of flipping a coin
and if not ....I pick heads!! :)
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A
female
reader, keikoBell  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Wow, yeah It's safe to say that was sightly confusing, but I'm used to confusing situations so heres what I think. You should choose the girl that makes you feel happiest. The one that you can just goof around with & have a good time with. I know your friends probably say what they think is best for you, but its actually just making your situation even more confusing. This is something that you need to think about yourself. Also, dont lead one of the girls on for a while just to see if you have made the right decision, then end up choosing the other one. You need to make a solid decision before you make any moves, so just try & hold your horses untill then. Us girls aren't as complicated as you think, so if you need anymore advice just ask. & always choose who you want, dont feel persuaded by other people, anyway,
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, itspattay +, writes (22 June 2010):
Murch--
This is certainly the quandary. These situations are never easy. You question who is better for you, you consider both of the girls' feelings, and you consider your own feelings.
My best advice to you is to hang out with both of them more. And I do mean just "hang out". The only way you can choose who wish to proceed to a romantic relationship with, is to spend quality time getting to know both of these people. However, this is sometimes a tender area to touch. You have to consider the pros and cons. Pros- you'd be able to find your future girlfriend much easier; cons- you end up falling for both of these girls OR both girls fall for you.
Emotions also get involved with friends that are potential relationships, too. So you'll just have to be sure to keep your cool and not make things too serious until you're certain which girl you wish to become more serious with.
Ultimately the decision on who you date is completely up to you.
Good luck on your quest to finding love :)
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A
female
reader, savixx  +, writes (22 June 2010):
From the way you are talking, I would say go with.. actually, I'm not going to say, that will only make your decision harder.
How to choose? Imagine yourself in a date situation. You've gone and asked a girl out on the perfect date, you've dressed all nice and so has she... Which one is it?
If that was useless, then I recommend you do some weighing out: what do you want from a relationship? Who are you gonna get that from? e.t.c.
Also, you could just try going with your gut instinct, but something tells me you aren't very used to listening to it- otherwise your decision would have been made already.
Instinct is the same feeling that tells you that someone is watching you on the bus, or the one that tells you that the girl is passing signals. Learn to use your instinct to your advantage, and it will tell you who to ''choose''!
Good Luck
xx
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A
female
reader, *brea//babbby. +, writes (22 June 2010):
Stick with your plan. Don't let your friend's thoughts pressure you into losing Brunette because maybe she isn't who he thinks she is.
You never know who her exception is. He might be you.
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