| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So there's a (busy) guy, we met at university; we're in student council and other organizations.I know him for 5 months, and after 3 months, I got feelings for him. I told him I liked him (which he already knew as we flirt).He told me he had feelings too, but does not want a relationship, because we know each other for only 5 months.So I try to get him out of my mind and focus on other things. But as we have to work with each other for the organizations etc., I cannot forget about him. He's a nice guy, even after I told him I had feelings, he immediately asked how I was etc. When we have to work together and discuss things, he takes me out for dinner etc. So I like him, despite his flaws, because it is what makes that guy 'him'. They're part of who he is and I respect that.He is a cold fish, and now, when I try to flirt, he seems to be so shy. We have had arguments before; I am a bit of a drama queen; but he tells me everything will be ok. He once told me, he is proud of me, because of my courage and cleverness, and good-looks.So right now, we only talk about things concerning the organizations (so; relationship on professional level.)So my question is, how to deal with it? Because the organizations (political stuff and things related to student rights etc.) are a huge part of my life. I love what I do, and I get so much back from people. So I cannot quit because of HIM. I like to work with him, but I don't know how to deal with my feelings. Yes, there's enough fish in the sea, but I only want him.Also, one week ago, we got back from a meeting and he walked me to the platform, even he didn't need to be in that part of the city.Can anyone help me? I know, he's probably not that into me, but why did he take me to his brother's party (as I didn't know his brother yet)?! Can someone give me advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Sometimes, a cold fish can seem preferable to a frozen lobster.... Your choice....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 Maybe he just sees you as a friend and is happy to hang out with you and introduce you to family and friends. It's just tough luck that his feelings don't go beyond friendship.
He knows you like him more than he likes you but maybe he's just hoping you will get over it (because men tend to think like that)
If you really can't stand him not reciprocating, then perhaps you need to put yourself where he is not!!...for your own sanity.
Life can be unfair and unrequieted love happens to most of us sometime in our life time...eventually you will spot the signs and save yourself by not allowing yourself to get carried away on your own feelings...as for changing how he feels...well you just can't.
chin up xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Crushes tend to mellow over time. You must focus more on the responsibilities of your position on the council and the organizations that you are involved in. You should also be open to dating other people, to distract you from your infatuation. Unfortunately, that's what it is; an infatuation. Just stay busy and limit your face time with him. Spend most of your time with other friends.You feel obligated to yourself to pursue a relationship because you've exposed your feelings. Otherwise; you feel like you're left in limbo. In total honesty he has informed you that he doesn't want a relationship. So take it for what it is. You sense an element of rejection, and subconsciously you're finding it hard to deal with it. I'm speaking from experience here. He has now become the forbidden fruit.If you can't focus on your responsibilities because of him; then you have to remove yourself and find other things to do. The truth is, you really don't want to leave because of him. You might as well admit it. You probably got involved to be near to him. Confess! I don't believe it's a complete coincidence.You're not the first person to feel as you do. It happens all the time. I'm sure it's even happened to you before, and you got through it just fine.The heart is stubborn; so you have to listen to your mind.Intellectually, you know he doesn't feel the same for you as you do for him. Emotionally, you're in denial. Once you start seeing other people, your heart will detach from him, and your mind will search in another direction. Don't settle for a cold fish, unless it's fine sushi. May I recommend something hot and spicy on the menu instead?I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (31 March 2013):
He does not want a relationship, because you know each other for only 5 months? Sounds like a bad excuse really.
You may want to have a talk with him. Ask him what he *really* feels for you.
Do you have any indication he's seeing someone else?
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